Aibu to be fed up with work ringing and sending messages

[geekygardener]

Hi all,

I don’t think I’m going to do anything about this because I don’t want to cause trouble, but I’m just fed up and I’m not sure if I’m being a bit picky or against what is usual.

I have worked in the same place for a number of years. I recently moved department and started a new, but similar, role.

Prior to my move, I struggled to put in boundaries with work and time off and would answer calls and messages outside of work all the time. I worked endless unpaid overtime and never switched off. Eventually this, along with the intensity of the role itself, led to me feeling burnt out.

I work 3 days a week. I do work flexibly at times if required, and often step in to cover, changing my working days and what have you. I don’t mind this if I am available. I often do this with little notice. I’m fortunate that my dh can also switch things around at work to cover days I am usually picking up or looking after my children. However, after moving departments I realised how often I was doing this, at the detriment of prioritising my own children. My work is continually short staffed, needing cover most days.

One of my children has health issues and needs care so when I’m not in work, I have caring responsibilities that cannot be picked up by other people, apart from dh. Plus we have no family support. My work knows this as I have openly told everyone.

Anyway, since moving departments I have been trying hard to stick to my scheduled hours and days and keep boundaries about not being constantly available outside of this.

Despite my new department going on and on about protecting people’s health and wellbeing and respecting people’s time off, something they say they feel strongly about, they keep contacting me outside of my working hours.

Last week I got quite a few calls, messages and emails from after 5pm one day, through my day off the next day, and in the next morning before I started work on the third day. This is not the first time but as it was so relentless, spanning over days, I politely discussed with my manager that I cannot be available outside of my working hours as I have children and caring responsibilities. The reason they were contacting me was not an emergency and they did so from various numbers so it’s difficult to know if it’s work or not, so I might answer assuming it’s the school or something. I did say to my manager that I can be flexible at times but if cover is needed I will only see work calls, messages and emails while I’m in work so if I am contacted outside of this, I won’t see it therefore won’t know cover is needed. Therefore they can assume I’m not available to swap shifts. I am happy to be asked when I’m in work.

I did explain to my manger how burnt out I became in my previous role and how that affected my ability to do the job well. So the boundaries are helpful for the company too.

Despite these conversations, and despite me also talking openly about this to my team last week, staff have continued to contact me. I am off today and I have had a few calls before 8am !

Also earlier in the week a different manger contacted me 2 hours before my start time and was quite rude and abrupt, telling me that the company and clients takes priority, so I should be available to cover. I also had a call the evening before asking me why I hadn’t responded to an email about an early client meeting the next day, the manger was again quite abrasive. I explained that as I am not in work I have not read the email, I don’t/wont open my emails outside of work,and the early client meeting is before my start time which unfortunately I can’t cover this time because I have children to drop at school, it was now after 6pm so too short notice for me to arrange alternative childcare.

I felt like I had been fair and reasonable. But then getting these calls today when I’m off and at 8am right in the middle of getting children ready for school has really annoyed me. Luckily I didn’t answer this time.

Are people really expected to be available all the time? Am I being harsh here. I am not a highly paid employee either, I’m on an average salary.

As I said I don’t think il do anything about this yet, other than ignore the calls and hope they get the message, but I am actually sat here really questioning myself and it’s caused stress this week.

thanks for reading…

And this is why no one at work has my number. I’m actually pretty senior but we don’t have work mobiles, so I don’t check my emails unless I’m in the office or using my laptop at home for the day. If you need me, you’ll have to wait until the next working day. If work want me to be on call, they can supply a device and pay me for my time. It is the one boundary I will not break!

Start by blocking all staff and managers numbers on your personal phone. If you feel like it you can email all and tell them you have done so and that contact is via formal work email and phone only. Remind all of your working hours.

Yanbu . It does sound a little like you are asking them not to call/ message etc but then answering the calls and messages when they do.

Sounds like thats what youve got to stop.

If this is your personal number could you setup a do not disturb for a couple of weeks so that all numbers except (husband, friends, whoever) goes to voicemail etc. Hopefully they'll get the message. I would also document any comversations/ have conversations via email/teams about it.

Either way if you can id probably be job hunting (although new job is my answer to lots of things and I dont really like any of the jobs 🤣🤣).

YANBU. There’s a few things you can do.

1. Request a company mobile phone and tell them it will only be switched on during office hours. Switch it off as soon as office hours are over.
2. Speak to HR and advise them that this isn’t acceptable. See if they can step in.
3. Request overtime for any call you receive during your non-working hours.
4. If they won’t agree to a company mobile, change your phone number and don’t give them the number. After all, they’ve got no reason to contact you outside of work hours so email will have to suffice. I’m aware that this is drastic but your work life balance is important. This is just an option if nothing else works.

I feel for you op. I worked FT but had a terriblemanager who would find a reason to contact me EVERY TIME I took A/L. I let it slide for years until I got a call, abroad, during my DH's birthday meal ( 60th) from a colleague telling me there was a massive emergency and I had to contact the boss. Thinking someone had died ect I contacted her. She wanted to know when the next stationary order was due! I was not polite and she sent me a text message telling me Id be in trouble when I got home. Next day I forwarded the lot to HR, included every time she had done similar and requested a transfer.
Please report this now , they are massively taking the piss.

Block every work number from your personal phone and put in a grievance about being constantly pestered outside working hours and breach of GDPR.

Also earlier in the week a different manger contacted me 2 hours before my start time and was quite rude and abrupt, telling me that the company and clients takes priority, so I should be available to cover

not if you work 3 days a week you don't.

youve said you want to put boundaries in, well answering calls and messages outside your contracted hours just enables their behaviour. All the while they know you're there answering their messages they'll keep sending them.

put an out of office on your email account to reinforce your contracted hours and that emails won't be answered until you're back at work. And stick to it.

its the only way to protect your time. You're working for free every time you answer an email.

Are these people who are calling you doing so from numbers you’d ever want to call in future? If not you may need to systematically block each number that tries your personal phone. Or look into whether you would be too unavailable to actual friends by going on having notifications silenced. I guess I’m saying look into all the features on your phone if you can’t get a new separate one.

I work 3 days per week.

If my laptop is off (as it is on my non working days) then I have zero communication from work. Of course in an utter emergency I have some colleagues numbers and they have mine but I've rarely been contacted outside of my working days in over a decade.

@geekygardener you mention that you are not sure how work got your personal number? Make sure you find out and get everything set back to your work phone number.

I assume you set up your work email on your phone though? Or are they emailing your personal email address.

Make sure everything goes through your work phone and make sure you keep that off during your non working time.

I offer flexibility (can work an extra day and take it back as TOIL when a colleague is away or swap days to cover month end if it falls on a non working day) but other than making sure my direct team knew these arrangements and remembering to take my TOIL it makes no difference as I'm still incommunicado during non working days / hours.

You asked: "Are people really expected to be available all the time? Am I being harsh here."

The answer is - no people are not expected to be available all the time. And you are not being nearly harsh enough.

In functional workplaces, people who have an "on call" aspect to their role have this clearly stated in the job description. It would usually be compensated either specifically - i.e. an on call allowance/overtime etc - or it's part of the overall package (usually very senior level). Nobody who has this as part of their role is expected to be on call 24/7 in a mature functional workplace.

If you work in an "always on" grind mindset type place then they may well expect this of you and then you need to vote with your feet. You can't expect to work against the tide.

If this is a case of them trying to get a full time role out of you in part time hours (i.e. those who work full time are not getting these out of hours calls) then that needs addressing with management/HR. Ultimately it might end with the realisation that you can't stay there. Hopefully though they "just" need trained - unfortunately by you. They are not going to change their behaviour - they have shown you that already. So you need to be extremely clear on when you are available and when you are not. There has been lots of good advice on how to do that already.

This is appalling behaviour on the part of your employer. You should not be expected to deal with work calls or emails outside of your working hours. They don't own you.

I worked for my last employer for 20 years. HR and my manager had my personal number, and in all that time it was only used twice. Once was to tell me that a work appointment, that was early on my first day back after the weekend, had been cancelled, just in case I didn't check my messages before setting off on a 90 mile round trip, and the second time was to tell me that a close colleague had died, very suddenly and unexpectedly.

Anything else was left till I got back or sorted out by someone else if it was urgent.

Don't accept contact on your personal phone. Block anyone that tries to contact you that way. If there is a work WhatsApp group, mute it so you don't get notifications.

Set up out of office on your emails to kick in as soon as you finish for the day. Put your working hours/days at the bottom of your email signature.

Keep your work phone turned off when you are not working or fix the settings so you don't get alerts when you get a new email etc. Only look at it if it suits you. Do not feel obliged to look at or respond to anything especially if it's not an emergency. In a big organisation lots of people can get sent/copied into emails all the time but there would/should not be an expectation that you respond if you are not working right then.

Check if there is a company policy on contacting staff out of hours. Where I work staff are not supposed to send emails between certain hours.

Never answer work calls on your personal number.

Discuss with the union if you are a member. Join if not. Keep a detailed record of every unacceptable remark.

And look for a new job.

As others have said, you will need to act rather than just tell them what you boundaries are.
Put an out of office message on your work email at the end of each working day saying you will respond when next in work.
If anyone has the audacity to use your personal email, either ignore or reply redirecting them to your work one (no reference to the message content).
Screen your phone calls and don’t answer unless it is someone you know. Record a voicemail message directing people to your work number. I appreciate that with a child with health needs you may get lots of unknown calls but they will leave a message. Ignore texts from work.
People will do what you let them get away with. You are entitled not to be contacted by work on your days off.

Send an email to everyone and CC higher up.

Explain that you used to be available for cover on your non working days but now your circumstances have changed and only work X-Y days between the times of….
Ask that any work related questions wait until it is your working hours.

Set your email to an automatic reply.

If you accidentally answer your phone, have an excuse ready that you are driving/shopping etc and that you’ll speak to them about it at work.
Do not get into a conversation about it and say you can’t hear them very well or something.

OP has already stated that the calls can come from various numbers so turning off the phone is not an option. What it it was a family emergency? Have you considered getting a second cheap smartphone and giving the number to close friends and family and those (eg school) from whom you are prepared to take calls outside of working hours. Then you would be free to turn off your "work" phone outside business hours.

I was a similar situation many years ago when there were only land lines and no way to tell who was calling. I was a deputy in a public service and several times in a row I (as a keyholder) was called out at weekends by police and had to wait hours for the emergency workers to secure the building. When I complained to my boss that he never seemed to be available to do his share he smugly told me that he was away most weekends. I thought hmm two can play at that game. I gave all my fiends and family a "code" to use when calling me and refused to answer any call at weekends without it. One weekend there was a big fuss when there was a break in and neither keyholder was apparently available. I should add that keys for every building were available at a central location where security staff were on duty 24/7 so there was really no need to call individual staff members out. After that the rules changed and the security staff were called upon out of normal working hours.

Sometimes you just have to put your foot down. Its not up to individual employees to solve management problems.

Change your number.

If you have got an android phone many of them allow a second sim. When someone calls it shows which number they are calling. Give the second number only to people you wish to call you out of hours and ignore the other number OOH.

I would also be sending a strongly worded email to anyone who was rude and abusive to me, regardless of their position. Tell them that their behaviour was unprofessional and unacceptable and you expect an apology otherwise you will take the matter further.

But then I can be a stroplpy bitch.

Stroppy bitch.

YANBU- this is appalling

This is a big problem. You need to put in a complaint to hr that your personal information has been released without a business need, and you expect them and your manager to ensure nobody in your department uses it again unless it’s a genuine emergency such that the business’ disaster recovery plan is being implemented. cc your manager.

Seeing your managers expectations, I would also put in a separate complaint about the contact and specify since your manager has made it clear they expect you to be on call out of hours you would like to see the offered contract amendment with on call rates provided for 7am to 9pm daily on your off days and additional full rates for your time in responding as you are currently being requested to work outside your contract on nearly every single one of your non working days. Include some details such as what your manager said about work should be a priority.

Have 2 phones. 1 for work and 1 for personal. Give work your work number only. Switch work phone off when you leave work and turn on once you get to work. Don't allow them to take advantage of you for working part time. Point out you get part time pay.

Totally unacceptable unless you’re contractually obliged to be available on days off … stand your ground!

Each time someone phones you on you work phone, follow it up directly to that person and cc your manager in stating your hours you work and you don’t give permission to be contacted on your personal phone. Do this EVERY time, and speak to HR about it. Dont complain to us and then do nothing about it.