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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to be fed up with work ringing and sending messages

83 replies

geekygardener · 20/03/2026 09:29

Hi all,

I don’t think I’m going to do anything about this because I don’t want to cause trouble, but I’m just fed up and I’m not sure if I’m being a bit picky or against what is usual.

I have worked in the same place for a number of years. I recently moved department and started a new, but similar, role.

Prior to my move, I struggled to put in boundaries with work and time off and would answer calls and messages outside of work all the time. I worked endless unpaid overtime and never switched off. Eventually this, along with the intensity of the role itself, led to me feeling burnt out.

I work 3 days a week. I do work flexibly at times if required, and often step in to cover, changing my working days and what have you. I don’t mind this if I am available. I often do this with little notice. I’m fortunate that my dh can also switch things around at work to cover days I am usually picking up or looking after my children. However, after moving departments I realised how often I was doing this, at the detriment of prioritising my own children. My work is continually short staffed, needing cover most days.

One of my children has health issues and needs care so when I’m not in work, I have caring responsibilities that cannot be picked up by other people, apart from dh. Plus we have no family support. My work knows this as I have openly told everyone.

Anyway, since moving departments I have been trying hard to stick to my scheduled hours and days and keep boundaries about not being constantly available outside of this.

Despite my new department going on and on about protecting people’s health and wellbeing and respecting people’s time off, something they say they feel strongly about, they keep contacting me outside of my working hours.

Last week I got quite a few calls, messages and emails from after 5pm one day, through my day off the next day, and in the next morning before I started work on the third day. This is not the first time but as it was so relentless, spanning over days, I politely discussed with my manager that I cannot be available outside of my working hours as I have children and caring responsibilities. The reason they were contacting me was not an emergency and they did so from various numbers so it’s difficult to know if it’s work or not, so I might answer assuming it’s the school or something. I did say to my manager that I can be flexible at times but if cover is needed I will only see work calls, messages and emails while I’m in work so if I am contacted outside of this, I won’t see it therefore won’t know cover is needed. Therefore they can assume I’m not available to swap shifts. I am happy to be asked when I’m in work.

I did explain to my manger how burnt out I became in my previous role and how that affected my ability to do the job well. So the boundaries are helpful for the company too.

Despite these conversations, and despite me also talking openly about this to my team last week, staff have continued to contact me. I am off today and I have had a few calls before 8am !

Also earlier in the week a different manger contacted me 2 hours before my start time and was quite rude and abrupt, telling me that the company and clients takes priority, so I should be available to cover. I also had a call the evening before asking me why I hadn’t responded to an email about an early client meeting the next day, the manger was again quite abrasive. I explained that as I am not in work I have not read the email, I don’t/wont open my emails outside of work,and the early client meeting is before my start time which unfortunately I can’t cover this time because I have children to drop at school, it was now after 6pm so too short notice for me to arrange alternative childcare.

I felt like I had been fair and reasonable. But then getting these calls today when I’m off and at 8am right in the middle of getting children ready for school has really annoyed me. Luckily I didn’t answer this time.

Are people really expected to be available all the time? Am I being harsh here. I am not a highly paid employee either, I’m on an average salary.

As I said I don’t think il do anything about this yet, other than ignore the calls and hope they get the message, but I am actually sat here really questioning myself and it’s caused stress this week.

thanks for reading…

OP posts:
Crumpled86 · 22/03/2026 19:06

I'd raise a grievance with her as noone should be contacting you on that number. I'd then block all work numbers from your personal phone. Have out of office on your emails and a message on your work phone which directs them to when you are next in work. Ultimately I think you will end up leaving this job as the manager is contributing to this problem.

nutbrownhare15 · 22/03/2026 19:32

Your boundaries sound reasonable and presumably have been ok d by the company? If so I would have an auto reply set for all times your aren't working to state your working hours and when you can next pick up emails. Do you have a work phone? If not I'd request one, and switch it off when you aren't working, with an answerphone message along similar lines.

nutbrownhare15 · 22/03/2026 19:34

I see they call your personal phone. Can you have an answerphone message saying if work related please call your work phone during working hours or send an email to work email and any work related messages left on this personal number won't be responded to.

TheeNotoriousPIG · 22/03/2026 19:36

You have my sympathies, OP!

My workplace does this... a LOT (and my manager has been known to turn up at my house uninvited, without warning, because he wanted me for something, much to my horror). Granted, there aren't many of us in the department, but a day off/evening should be your own, to be used as you see fit. One person on our team has two phones (one for work and one for home). Some of us mute all work people/team chats on WhatsApp (due to location, internet signal is more reliable than phone signal), and do not have our work emails on our phones.

NeedAnyHelpWithThatPaperBag · 22/03/2026 19:36

The French seem to have a handle on this: France's "right to disconnect" law (effective since 2017) grants employees, particularly in companies with 50+ staff, the legal right to ignore work-related emails, messages, or calls during non-work hours, including weekends. It aims to ensure fair pay for work time, combat burnout, and protect work-life balance.

Before you continue to Google Search

https://www.google.com/search?q=right+to+disconnect&oq=french+no+weekend+contact+policy&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOdIBCDkwMzhqMGo3qAIAsAIA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&ved=2ahUKEwiSsuesoLSTAxUt0QIHHT9mE98QgK4QegQIARAB

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 22/03/2026 20:01

I would just would not answer my phone and be very unavailable 🤷‍♀️

Because you are occasionally answering they think it’s fine to keep ringing you.

Jo7890123 · 10/04/2026 20:23

It's worth remembering that some of the people calling you outside your working hours probably don't know, or have forgotten, what days/hours you work (because its not a big part of their lives...you may find you don't know everyone elses hours either). It doesn't mean you should deal with their calls, you absolutely shouldn't, but some of it is likely just busy people, who aren't meaning to take the michael, and just need a voicemail message that tells them you aren't available, and to drop u an email, and you'll respond when ur next in work.

Sending you emails is absolutely OK, any time of the day or night (assuming they're to a work email address..) - just don't read them till ur next working (and turn off the audio reminder on ur work phone and laptop). This is the routr you want to encourage people down when ur not working, so u can get back to them when it suits YOU.

5gymbabe · 17/05/2026 16:57

geekygardener · 20/03/2026 15:35

I do have a work phone that I leave in my bag when not at work. But then I get calls on my personal phone. I don’t know how people have got my personal number as I never gave it out, other than to HR

This is am issue to be addressed in itself

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