Teacher gave us SNAP-IV form out of the blue - AIBU?

[primmy713]

I have a child in year 5, and since she was little, we have always been told by teachers that she often day dreams in class. We are very well aware, and sometimes getting her to sit and start her schoolwork can take a few prompts, but she always completes it and does very well. Her test scores over the past few years have been very good, and she enjoys school a lot. She's quite social, and like any girl her age chats to her friends (and sometimes in class!), but other than that we've always been told she's a good, kind and respectful student, and her tests scores prove the same.

She has a teacher this year who I always thought was just OK. But we never complain, we just get on with it. At our first parent teacher conference this year, she complained how our daughter fidgets in class and struggles to focus. We worked really hard with her over the past month, and now she's nailing all her subjects and one of the top performers in her class.

Last week during our parent teacher meeting, her teacher presented us a SNAP-IV form and said she believes our daughter suffers from ADHD and can't sit in her seat. She said that she often will get up in a lesson to sharpen her pencil, and it takes a few prompts to get her to start her school work, and somehow she always manages to finish them.

She never shared her answers for the form, but my husband and I filled one out ourselves and met with the SEND coordinator who reviewed our two forms, and said that the teacher had 18 marks against her vs our 7, so she probably wouldn't quality for ADHD support, but all agreed that her taking her time to start assignments was a red flag. She asked about her reading ability, and I explained that she's an avid bookworm who can read fluently. Her last set of state test scores show reading at 125 and grammar at 121.

So I am really not sure what to do with this information, besides explaining to my daughter to take school more seriously by not leaving your chair during lessons, and disrupting the teacher by talking to classmates etc. I am a bit angry and annoyed, why did she wait to share this? Is this normal behaviour to spring this on a parent with a SNAP IV form?

I think you need to question why you are angry. If the teacher believes your daughter may have ADHD, why would trying to get diagnosis and support in place for her be a bad thing?

Why are you seeing the teacher’s highlighted signs as ‘marks against her’? That’s a really strange turn of phrase and suggests that you’re seeing attention issues as bad behaviour, and a diagnosis as a bad thing.

The teacher has flagged attention issues and run a screening. That for me is really positive and proactive. What would you have preferred her to do?

It isn’t out of the blue if you have been told she is a daydreamer. You are lucky, if this isn’t being dismissed, as ADHD girls tend to go under the radar and the impact on them is debilitating.

You’re actually quite lucky, because most of the time we don’t know something wrong until about three years later when the school suddenly tells us that it’s been an issue for years.

She appears to show some ADHD traits, and probably needs a little bit of support. The teacher like to you that this was a problem and that assessment was a good idea. You filled in the assessment and so did the teacher. They’ve decided that it’s not affecting her so badly that she needs severe intervention, but they’re going to help.

The teacher did the right thing. I’m not really clear on why you’re angry.

The teacher spends a lot of time with her and can measure differences between children easily.
You sound like a protective mum and a member of teaching staff offering to help your daughter should be welcomed.
The teacher will have lists and lists of things to do to support all of the children’s learning - time will be very short to sort complete everything before more are added.
Support the school and staff and work with them to get the best for your daughter.

What exactly are you annoyed at? The teacher is not complaining, she is informing you about (classic) signs that your daughter has ADHD. Follow it up, get help for your daughter.
Believe me, being a good reader and academically strong won't help her function as an adult in the workplace. Undiagnosed ADHD in girls can lead to a lifetime of unfulfilled potential, with a side helping of self doubt.
You should be thanking that teacher for being on the ball, not posting in Aibu.

Like previous posters, why are you angry? The teacher is a professional who has experience and knowledge about age appropriate behaviours of hundreds of children. You only have your (understandably) biased view of your own DC. Work with the school, not against them. It’s not just about test scores; your daughter is displaying some ADHD traits which will not only affect her but possibly also distract others in the class.

Teachers can’t win. When they don’t make a referral, they’re failing children and when they do, they’re attacked as well.

I agree that the teacher did the right thing. All through primary school I was sure there were ASD traits affecting my son. He daydreamed in class, couldn't focus on his work. Appeared to be ignoring staff. All school staff just labelled him lazy and heedless. He struggled throughout primary school but I did extra reading and writing support with specific materials for dyslexic children as I believed him to be dyslexic. I pushed for assessment but the school denied that it was necessary so refused.
Immediately he started secondary school he was assessed by an Educational Psychologist. The school said it was very clear he needed an in depth assessment. As I suspected he is dyslexic but also has some ASD traits mainly with regard to social skills. From then he had amazing support from school and went on to achieve good GCSE results and enjoyed his time at school, even learning to play an instrument and joining the school orchestra; things I would never have imagined him doing.

I think this is helpful from the teacher even the intro is a bit clumsy… it sounds a bit from your post that you are mixing attainment with not having adhd - ie whether she’s bright and capable and is top of class.

I have adhd and did brilliantly academically at school/uni, but needed extra support at work (minor and subtle adjustments but made a big difference).

I wish I had known by my teenage years why I was the way I was, it’s great for self acceptance, and shaping your life to suit you. My adhd manifested into terrible insomnia and anxiety by late teens but now I know how to manage my energy and schedule and it’s a lot better.

She may not be diagnosed but it’s a route to support rather than shaming and may shed insights that are great for your daughter in the long term in terms of maximising her happiness, health and what she can achieve….

ADHD isn’t a learning disability - you seem to imply that she couldn’t have it as she had a high reading score? Spoken as a parent of a Cambridge graduate daughter with ADHD…

Your post just shows how teachers can’t win! Why on earth are you complaining when the teacher is only trying to help?

Are you for real? Seriously OP, you are unbelievably lucky to have a teacher who can see where your child is struggling and looking at ways to get support in. ADHD doesn’t equal thick, you know that, right? Your daughter is good academically, just imagine how much more she could an achieve with a bit more support. I had to fight tooth and bloody nail to get my dd support, it was only in year 8 her teachers raised issues…year 8! If she had extra support when I raised the issues in reception and every bloody parents evening then on in, she wouldn’t have been playing catch up in her GCSE years, and more importantly when things went seriously awry in yr 9.

Please - for the sake of your daughter - read up on ADHD (especially in girls) and perhaps revisit the SNAP IV without prejudice. She may just be messing around - but if she has got ADHD, by ignoring support for her you are likely setting her up for hell in her teenage years.

Why exactly are you angry?

I wish a teacher had spotted adhd with my son early on. Would have made a huge difference

You know that having ADHD isn’t a Bad Thing, right?

I certainly wouldn't be angry. It took until Year 5 and me asking the teacher her opinion on if she suspected ADHD in my daughter for her to admit that yes, she did in fact think my daughter had ADHD. I often question how things may have been different for her if we had known sooner. ADHD is easily managed, adjustments can be made for your daughter to allow her to continue to thrive at school.

If the teacher had said, “she seems to struggle with her vision in class, she squints sometimes and seems to get a lot of headaches” would you be angry, or would you thank the teacher for their observations about your child in a different environment and get your child an eye test and possibly glasses?

DD2 was like this, absolutely beautifully behaved, kind, gentle and academically did OK... but away with the fairies. Got through infants well, started to drop back a bit in juniors but still kept on a par with the middle-lower bit of the class (because she's a good reader and desperate to people please) - but the anxiety and cognitive load that it was requiring for her to do this increased and increased and was beginning to make her unhappy and hit her self esteem and she was aware that things didn't stay in her brain and her brain went off for wanders.

Diagnosed with inattentive profile ADHD in year 7, and she chose to try medication which has been a game changer for her - she only takes it on a school day and she can tell you when it takes effect, her focus has improved, her task initiation has improved and she's happier in herself because she's not constantly running to stay still as a starting point before getting on with any school actual work. Her marks have improved as well but that's not the thing I'm concerned about with her. Plus, she understands how her brain is wired, and we'll do things like decide which task in the "tidy your bedroom" mountain she's going to tackle and that will actually get done - rather than her standing there overwhelmed for an hour and coming downstairs in a tiara that she's found having completely forgotten what she was meant to be doing.

it is really not out of the blue is it because you've been told the same thing for many years. You might also be aware of her reading and writing scores but I'm not sure how you how that fits in with the rest of the class To know she's top?
Additionally ADHD isn't linked to ability or intelligence. She may be coping extremely well in a primary school setting {although from the teacher's perspective she needs some extra support }but being tested and getting a diagnosis will make sure that any support that's needed as she ages is put into place so she can maintain her progress.

Your dd sounds very much like I was as a child. If it had been picked up at this stage it would have very much helped me. She may or may not have adhd but the teacher is right to raise it as a possibility.

Another one here with a DS who has ADHD and a brain the size of a planet, Cambridge Masters.

Your posts imply that you consider an ADHD diagnosis as incompatible with intelligence or academic success. That’s not necessarily true. My advice is to work with the teacher.

It sounds like the teacher has concerns rather than a vendetta. It is fair that she may see more issues at school that you do at home (and can work the other way) But she’s a professional you should be open to listening to her concerns. Looking into it could lead to avenues of support for your dd which can only be beneficial.
I’m not sure parent / teacher meeting is the appropriate place to open a discussion about this though as they are usually short/busy. She should have arranged a separate meeting to discuss it to give you opportunity to ask questions

'Good, kind and respectful students' sometimes have ADHD too you know.

It's not a character flaw.

I have a child in year 5, and since she was little, we have always been told by teachers that she often day dreams in class.

This is because she is 5 and is shoehorned into a system that requires her to not behave like a 5 year old!!!

She is not age 5, she’s in year 5 which means she’s 9 or 10!

OOps sorry - year 5!! But the same still applies - some children just need to move around more than others! I know this from my own three.

School is such a uniform system with little room for individual variation. I hated it!!