To have made my teenager eat a piece of courgette?

[NotWinstonChurchill]

To have made my teenager eat a piece of courgette?

15! year old daughter (NT) has become increasingly fussy with regards to vegetables. And it's got to the point where she will eat some things in some dishes, but not in others. For example:

Cucumbers - these have to have the centers removed, but has no problem eating them grated in tzatiki, or sliced and prepared (without being deseeded) in fancy Japanese dishes.
Tomatoes - will eat with seeds removed, or will eat whole when cooked down to nothing. Cherry toms will not eat, unless on pizzas or bruschetta, but will not eat in roasted vegetable melee.
Mushrooms - eats large Portobello mushrooms, or chopped up very small but has started picking out bits of mushroom from dishes. But will eat on pizza.
Peppers - will only eat green peppers, unless it's on a pizza or in chilli. But that can change at the drop of a hat as the other day decided that cooked green peppers were no longer the acceptable.
Courgettes - will eat grated in pasta dishes, or cooked with feta as fritters, but will not eat sliced and cooked.

I could go on. You get the idea.

I believe that everyone has some 'get out of jail free' cards when it comes to foods. I don't like forcing foods on people if they genuinely don't like them (I hated mushrooms and parsnips as a child). But this chopping and changing depending on a whim has pissed me right off. It fucks up my meal planning, makes extra work, wastes money and is just ridiculous.

Today I stood my ground. We've had tears, we've had tantrums, we've had threats of pocket money withdrawal permanently. I put one piece of steamed courgette on the plate and insisted she could not get down until it was eaten.

I won. It took half a hour, but by God I won.

Was I unreasonable?

Yes this how you cause eating disorders
It's likely texture based due to ND
If someone tried to force me to eat anything I would never trust them again. If was a banana id be sick.
This is the sort of behaviour that lands kids in my therapy office

Oh please. This is exactly what SS referrals are all about - eating a bit of courgette. Dreadful!
I think you might be getting a bit carried away.

Yes. I can also eat tomatoes on pizza or cooked in pasta but not fresh.

Sounds lik she is eating some veg. She knows what she likes and what she doesn’t. Stop forcing her.

If the are anxious when tou make them try it you will make the issues 10 times worse

This is so gross to me. Imagine if your daughter visited years in the future and said "my husband said I couldn't leave the room & he'd withdraw money from me if I didn't XYZ"

Wishing your daughter every health and happiness and hope you find some space to reflect on yourself.

If this is true I wonder what it is you think you have won?

… I’m not sure you “won” …

I can sort of see the logic behind her preferences tbh, it seems texture based. You wouldn’t be U to just serve what you’re serving though and she has to eat it or cook her own meal, you don’t need to cater for the “changing whims”, especially seeing as it’s mostly her picking stuff out and eating around it.

My mother was really abusive. She also did this.

Teenagers should eat whatever healthy meals their parents provide. Good on you. YANBU.

Eat the bloody vegetable. Mum's made sliced and cooked courgettes, good eat it. Don't make a fuss and be grateful for the food you have to eat.

Ridiculously unreasonable and obviously happy to destroy your relationship with your child over a vegetable just to "win". Poor girl.

Totally get it op and have done it myself but obvs nobody’s should be forced to eat anything.

You’re bloody awful. What a nasty person you are. I’d fucking hate a mum like you. You’re an absolute tit!!!

YABU to force her, but I wouldn’t be changing your meal planning. You cook what you cook and if she won’t eat it then that’s her problem.

If your daughter is fussy about food, why isn't she preparing her own meals? Then she could be fussy on her own time rather than yours.

Prick of the day award perhaps.🤔

Courgette (and aubergine) are 2 of the very few things my kids complain about eating.
Added to that - steamed courgette??? I think id gave struggled with that a bit.

Horrible of you.
She will always remember this, not in a good way.
I’m surprised she wasn’t sick afterwards. Sadly you do not understand her condition.
Instead it sounds as if you’re living in Victorian times.
Many people in our family hate courgettes, broccoli & mushrooms too. We don’t force feed them to make a recipe easier.
Please try & be nicer.

Yes. What have you achieved? In the long term this isn’t a battle you can win, so don’t have it. Particularly at this stage, you really don’t need to be encouraging a disordered approach to eating. Making mealtimes a battle and forcing her to eat will do that.

I think you need to apologise in fact, and going forward have a look at why you did this, and strategies to make sure you don’t do it again.

But this chopping and changing depending on a whim has pissed me right off

It's not on a whim. It's texture. Everyone has preferences. I snack on red bell peper, but absolutely hate them cooked and would pick out big cooked pieces. 🤷

And honetstly. I am courgette fan, but would absolute not eat steamed one.

Abusive

Almost the most YABU I have ever seen on here.

Fighting a petty battle over courgette is not worth it.

Uh… why in God’s name didn’t you ask ANYONE for some advice before this felony-stupid plan of getting in a pissing match with a teenager over courgette? Do you feel ridiculous? I mean, I would.

But what struck me most is the things OP listed are 100% the most common foods that people with texture and taste sensitivity struggle with - I’m 42 and I can only have mushrooms occasionally, and depending on how they’re cooked, I can’t eat raw tomatoes, and sometimes I can eat courgette and sometimes it’s just too slimy. Does she have any sensitivities? This doesn’t need to be neurodiversity. Even neurotypical people have preferences or can’t stand slimy mushrooms but can stand very thinly sliced ones that are mostly roasted crisp on top of a pizza. If she hates the texture of a certain food, then to you it may feel like “chopping and changing” but to her, it’s perfectly logical - ie “that green pepper I had last time was too soft and I don’t want to end up with that again… so no green peppers.”

The solution is: never cook a whole different meal for her, but do make sure she has enough to eat on the plate that you know she likes, and then put one piece of courgette and tell her you’d appreciate it if she’d been willing to try it and if it’s horrible for her (even if for some reason you don’t understand), she can spit it out into her napkin. But if you make this into a battle, she MUST do, she can’t leave until she does - everyone loses.

My teen hates mushrooms and just picks them out of the dish they’re in. I wouldn’t force her to eat them and make her cry about it. Our teen girls (and boys) enough shit to deal with. I respect she doesn’t like all the food we like and I try to ensure everyone’s happy.

I haven't RTFT so sorry if someone else has said this.. If your mother had forced you (to the point of tears) to eat parsnips how would you feel?

People, including children, are allowed to have food preferences. Your DD's may not make sense to you but there will be something there about textures or different flavours when cooked differently which make some versions unpalatable to her