To have made my teenager eat a piece of courgette?

[NotWinstonChurchill]

To have made my teenager eat a piece of courgette?

15! year old daughter (NT) has become increasingly fussy with regards to vegetables. And it's got to the point where she will eat some things in some dishes, but not in others. For example:

Cucumbers - these have to have the centers removed, but has no problem eating them grated in tzatiki, or sliced and prepared (without being deseeded) in fancy Japanese dishes.
Tomatoes - will eat with seeds removed, or will eat whole when cooked down to nothing. Cherry toms will not eat, unless on pizzas or bruschetta, but will not eat in roasted vegetable melee.
Mushrooms - eats large Portobello mushrooms, or chopped up very small but has started picking out bits of mushroom from dishes. But will eat on pizza.
Peppers - will only eat green peppers, unless it's on a pizza or in chilli. But that can change at the drop of a hat as the other day decided that cooked green peppers were no longer the acceptable.
Courgettes - will eat grated in pasta dishes, or cooked with feta as fritters, but will not eat sliced and cooked.

I could go on. You get the idea.

I believe that everyone has some 'get out of jail free' cards when it comes to foods. I don't like forcing foods on people if they genuinely don't like them (I hated mushrooms and parsnips as a child). But this chopping and changing depending on a whim has pissed me right off. It fucks up my meal planning, makes extra work, wastes money and is just ridiculous.

Today I stood my ground. We've had tears, we've had tantrums, we've had threats of pocket money withdrawal permanently. I put one piece of steamed courgette on the plate and insisted she could not get down until it was eaten.

I won. It took half a hour, but by God I won.

Was I unreasonable?

I used to fry courgette sticks in butter when weaning DS which he loved. Then on holiday when he was about 9 months I only had a microwave so sort of steamed some in there. When he tried them he cried and looked genuinely betrayed.

Bloody hell I’ve not made my kids anything they don’t like from the age of 7. Would you eat something you don’t like. That’s abuse imo.

This^ i was the same growing up. Steamed courgette would make me retch, well cooked in something I could tolerate it but not enjoy. Tempura would probably be ok.

I pretty much eat anything now, but forcing the matter back then wouldn't have helped

Courgettes are vile🤢

This is not a good way to proceed, OP, you will not “win” I promise.

Change your approach or you will lose out in the long run. Take it from someone who knows…

When my brother was at Primary school in the 1970s it was normal for children to be forced to eat the absolutely inedible and vile school dinners. Liver and stew were particular low points. One of the puddings was gooseberry fool. My grandad grew gooseberries, we'd tried them and none of us liked them. My brother was told by the dinner ladies that he couldn't go out to play until he'd eaten it . He gave in and ate it and then vomited it all over the table. He'd told them gooseberries made him sick. My SIL is 80. She was the queen of making her children eat things they didn't want to eat. Her sons ( now in their late 40s) repeated it with their children. One sons 2 daughters will now only eat 4 things. It's a stupid, stupid thing to do . Food is a joy, a pleasant way of connecting with other people. My parents had the rule that you could eat the tea mum had cooked or you could quietly go and get a bowl of cereal. No fuss, no drama , no forcing.

Im not sure the OP is coming back
I think badgering someone for half an hour to eat something is unreasonable fwiw.
My DD will be 20 this year. Shes been incredibly fussy since I weaned her. When she was a baby/toddler many meal times would end in tears (hers and mine)

I encourage trying new things, but its a lot less stressful for all involved without pressing the issue. She honestly had the same pack lunch for probably 10 years!
I mostly make things she will eat, sometimes there are meals she picks bits out of, others she has to miss the family meal and cook some beige food herself. Since being at uni she has tried new things and its actually exciting to see her eat salad or sweet potato, or make a protein bowl whatever that is

DS is way less fussy. He loves salsa and one of his favourite meals is pasta in a tomato based sauce but he will not eat any sort of raw tomato!

Why would you want to eat a soggy piece of steamed courgette and what dam difference did it make if she ate it anyway? I've gone through phases as a child and teen of being fussy but at point did anyone stand over me forcing me to eat food like an abusive weirdo, if you don't like something you don't like it. Steamed courgette would not be on my list of things to eat, that's just tasteless, maybe stir fried, chargrilled or baked with cheese. Not my veg of choice though.

Also she's 15, treating her this way is ridiculous. I'm not sure what you "won" exactly??? Are you generally weird around food?

I was like this with soup - my record being about 3 hours I think - and now soup is one of my favourite foods.

I hated the texture as a kid and eventually grew out of it.

I don’t think your frustration is unreasonable, but your victory courgette was.

I’d stay cooking as normal and if she doesn’t want to eat the family meal, then don’t. But no snacks or deserts either.

This is very controlling and somewhat abusive behaviour. Your poor daughter.

Bully tactics

Sorry, she's 15 and you're saying 'she could not get down'???

She's not a toddler!

Get a grip! Cook the food you want to cook and if she picks out the vegetables, that's her choice. What kind of a tyrant are you?

Hmm, I kind of see her point. I'd not class myself as a fussy eater and I'd eat what I was given to an extent at others home and at restaurants etc, but my preference differentiates between ways of cooking of vertain veg like your daughter does. I don't like onions when they're crunchy or slithery like on hot dogs or in onion gravy, yet they're the base of almost all my dishes. I don't like aubergine when it's soft but I love it as a fritter, don't like courgettes if not cooked down in baked veg etc, don't like celery unless cooked down in a broth, love mushrooms but only barely cooked, loathe a slug like soft mushroom.

It's frustrating because you're doing the finicky cooking for her but yabu in general as these are simply preferences to cooking and how that changes flavours and textures.

…and she now eats everything without complaint? What a pointless way to wield power over a teenager.

I have always hated sprouts. One Christmas I was standing in a queue at school with my TA and we were chatting about lunches. She said her children had to eat 3 sprouts each at Christmas lunch before they could get down. She said her parents had done the same to her. I asked if she ate sprouts. She absolutely hated them and never ate them. People are absolute nutters over food.Why the hell would you make your children eat something you hate and why would you do it on Christmas bloody day.

Is anyone else desperate to see a roasted vegetable melee?

When you said roasted vegetable "melee" I didn't think that was going to be what you meant.

She's 15 not 5. Make her a meal - she can take it or leave it. Or let her request ingredients in the food shop and let her do it herself.

Forcing a near adult to eat something they don't want to won't achieve anything.

I'm imagining peppers with little daggers and aubergines with shields.

But you cook for yourself!
Children eat what you cook for them within certain boundaies.
For example tonight- I mde duck curry. DD (14) sometimes likes duck, so there was veggies on the side for her to put the sauce with. veg was courgettes and aubergines and red onion.
It's all put out buffet style for everyone to eat.

It's the filleting of cucumber and tomatoes that is bonkers. It's no wonder you cracked. Stop doing that.

She is far too old to be treated like a toddler. I do find it annoying if folk pick bits out of their food. Its not very polite. The time has gone for this kind of control over your childs eating habits.

I’ve never understood this.

Would you like someone to force you to eat something you didn’t like? Why try children like this?

Yeah, you’re an idiot. My parents used to make me eat things sometimes and never understood that with a fussy eater you have to let people discover food themselves, forcing it makes it worse.