Man walking around outside nursery each morning

[SMLSML]

Not sure if I'm over thinking... For the last 3 months or so, every morning without fail when I drop my daughter at nursery there is a man who is walking past it, then when I come out he's doing a loop the other way back past again. The nursery is on a business park so he could just be walking to work or getting his steps in but I do find it that he seems to do constant loops at exactly the same time every morning. I've stayed and watched from the car this morning and this is his fourth loop around the nursery building again... He doesn't appear to have a uniform or lanyard of any of the businesses on the estate... Am I thinking too badly given everything in the news at the moment 🙃 would you mention it to the nursery?

Men will never know what its like to carry and grow a child within. I guess that bond gives you a borderline paranoid intuition to always want to keep your young out of harms way. If this is just your overprotective mother bear instinct, chill out. Blokes harmless, thanks for your honesty.

But this might also be an opportunity to look deeper into why the disproportionate reaction? You've been stalking this chap for 3 months. Imagine he posted on this group that he was watching you from his car? Why are you like that? Maybe this over reaction will be the start of your journey to being rational and proportionate in the presence of unknown males

Men will never know what its like to carry and grow a child within. I guess that bond gives you a borderline paranoid intuition to always want to keep your young out of harms way. If this is just your overprotective mother bear instinct, chill out. Blokes harmless, thanks for your honesty.

But this might also be an opportunity to look deeper into why the disproportionate reaction? You've been stalking this chap for 3 months. Imagine he posted on this group that he was watching you from your car? Why are you like that? Maybe this over reaction will be the start of your journey to being rational and proportionate in the presence of unknown males

Just mention it to the nursery OP.

Talk to me about all these brazen kidnappings? I am a news junkie and haven’t heard of any.

Perhaps a family member drops him off on their way to work or the bus service from where he lives is infrequent so he arrives before his start time and rather than sitting drinking coffee or scrolling his phone he is using the time to get in his daily exercise.

Missing the point 🙄

Dear goddess, how naive so many MN posters are! Of course the OP is right to be concerned - given what we know what so many men get up to, it would be daft not to be aware and raise this with appropriate people -, if he's doing nothing wrong he should understand why he might consider walking a different route - too many people are so blase about iffy male behaviour, no wonder they get away with it so often. Personally i would rather speak up and be wrong than listen to these ill informed naysayers-the safety of children is too important.

Possibly. But many posters have assumed this man’s age, in classic Mumsnet ageism.

"so many brazen kidnappings happening lately"

Please do share the copious amounts of news reports on men brazenly snatching children from their parents outside nurseries.

"Many Posters" one person called him old, no-one else mentioned his age that i noticed. From what i can see, most people assumed he's of working age/on his break.

He absolutely should not consider walking a different route. This is a free country and he is perfectly entitled to walk around on a public pavement.

Haven’t RTFT but read yours. Initially I was going to say YABU because I know an elderly man on our street loops around the area every day including by the school because it’s on our street. Never got anything other than lovely vibes from him- he’s just old and walks to keep fit but doesn’t like to go too far from home.

Then I read your later posts and he isn’t old so yeah, if you can’t think of a logical reason for him to be looping around that area continuously it might be worth a mention. Put it this way, I don’t think any harm could come from mentioning it.

Maybe when you’ve dropped DD off and you’re close to your car if you see him you could say hi and just say something like “I see you walking most days, do you work nearby or just trying to keep fit?”. He might offer up a reasonable and rational reason, or he might be cagey.

Oh I also forgot to say that DH has a colleague who does walk around on his break. It’s an office job but he’s into fitness so wants to make sure he gets his steps in. It’s an industrial estate so he does loop around it. Just remembered. Maybe the guy is doing that, might have taken his lanyard off.

@SMLSMLi would let the nursery know so they are aware. It could be nothing but it is weird it’s not like it’s a housing estate he’s choosing to walk the perimeter of a nursery in an industrial estate.

I would bet that this man, assuming he was just exercising, would be upset if he thought he was giving a parent (maybe more than one) cause to worry.

Like many considerate men who now don't walk behind lone women in the dark in case it frightens them, and my husband is one of them, he could no doubt change his walking route, IF he ever got wind of how his actions were spooking this mother.

Have we been given details of all the brazen kidnappings happening lately?

As i have said before, women and girls lives are endlessly curtailed in the interests of trying to stay safe, don't go to quiet places alone, don't be out alone after dark, always be aware and alert to men's behaviour, house keys in your hand, watch out for lone men following you, don't provoke them, don't talk to strange men, don't jog at night, jog in groups, etc etc etc ad infinitum. And don't pretend you don't know that. Goddess forbid men should ever be expected to modify their behaviour one iota to make women and children, especially girls, feel safer and more comfortable. Far too much to ask, of course men should always do exactly whatever they like-they don't get blamed or shamed if anything bad happens to them. As you know perfectly well women are held responsible for keeping themselves and children safe. Maybe it's time for men to change their behaviour.

I agree that it’s time men change their behaviour - when they’re doing something wrong.

But it is not wrong to walk down a street.

A man walking behind a woman in the dark is doing nothing wrong either, but many men now realise it makes some women feel afraid, so they cross over the road.
It's not hard to make life more comfortable for others.

Well yes, but he’s not walking behind or near anyone. He’s just walking, from what I can gather.

Is it really reasonable to ask men not to walk, even when they’re nowhere near anyone?

What does age have to do with walking in a loop? He could easily be playing Pokemon Go and needs to use his daily adventure incense. It's a special lure for rare Pokemon that only activates when walking, ideally in straight lines or around a block. Some players use autocatchers so they're not always on their phone.

Yes, I know all that. However, this man is not walking behind lone women on otherwise deserted streets in the dark. He is simply walking around a business park, which just so happens to contain a children's nursery, almost certainly for the purpose of getting some exercise. It is totally unreasonable to expect him to stop doing this, or change his route, because a few parents have got it into their heads that he is a paedophile, endlessly prowling for victims from one particular nursery.

He's most likely not doing anything wrong, but the OP has a feeling that something is not quite right. I take my children to school each day and am acutely aware of the environment we are in. I see the same people day afte day, week after week,&c, and something out of the ordinary stands out. In the event that the man has a record of innapropriate behaviour involving minors then he should not be being in the vicinity of a school. If. Asking the local community officer to be in the area at the right times may deter someone with malicious intenet. Should the man prove to be, as it most likely, someome taking a regular walk then the OP can be assured there is nothing to be concerned about. The understandable worry about being seen as a nutter for raising a concern ought to be weighed against worry thatinaction may allow an incident to happen, Children first, fear of embarrassment last,

Just paedophiles and sex offenders on licence. Everyone else is fine.

Is it reasonable that many women feel afraid to walk in the dark alone, that mothers feel uneasy when a man repeatedly walks past the nursery where their young child is, or indeed, that men can't walk where they want to walk, without suspicion?

None of it is reasonable, but that's the world we live in, thanks to the actions of some.