Am I buying my daughter too much stuff?

[SoloMumJustMuddlingThrough]

I do buy my 2 year old a lot of stuff throughout the year. A comment made by an older family member made me question how much I do give her her. I find myself justifying myself but maybe I need a reality check. Am I overdoing it? How much is a normal/reasonable?

To give you an idea...
Christmas and birthdays I do 6-8 presents (plus a stocking at Christmas. No extended family or gifts from anyone else. It's just me so yes I do compensate.

Throughout the year she gets lots of books. We have two full bookshelves (mostly second hand).
Soft toys - half were my own passed down. There are about 15 in total.
Then at random times things like play doh, puzzles, seasonal things, etc. Nothing expensive but usually something every 2 weeks

I've started pocket money to help with the balance (delayed gratification), we do two pound coins on a Saturday, one for her piggy bank and one for her purse. We sell toys she has out grown for a £1 for the piggy bank usually on the local WhatsApp group.

I should add she loves and plays with every single one of her toys. We read all her books. She never asks for anything. She takes could care of them (no broken toys or missing pieces). I love seeing the joy of brings her but am also conscious that maybe now she has toys I should start to rein it in a bit.

As long as you can take her to a shop/soft play/open farm and she isn't demanding "stuff" then its grand and quite lovely

But if she becomes materialistic then it could turn into a nightmare where the behaviour is hard to break.

She’s your child you buy her what you want. No one else’s business. It sounds like she’s really enjoying her toys and books

Children's books are 25p or 50p in our local charity shop.

I've heard this about books before, but I some days I really do question it! My daughter has more books than I have ever had 😅

Thanks. She does love her toys and books very much. I do wonder whether it might be a generational thing. The person who commented was older and very surprised that I bought her anything at all when it wasn't her birthday/Christmas

She has only ever asked for something once - a baby doll. I made her wait 4 months and that was her birthday present. Apart from that, she hasn't asked for anything unless you count all the fruit during the food shop

Sounds perfect to me. You’re going a great job 🙂

Thank you for all the replies. I wasn't sure if I was completely out of touch but I think I've worked out what prompted the question. She HAS absolutely had a lot the last 3 months. We had Christmas, her birthday plus recently I made some changes, got rid of the potty and bought her a toilet seat, got rid of the highchair and bought a booster seat so she can sit at the table. And I bought her a duvet/pillow for her bed. Bit now we are coming into spring/summer that's going to calm down a lot. I also think that I bought her more things to do over the winter because we weren't out as much. I don't mind that because she is 2 and never looked at a screen. I'm pretty sure it will balance out over the month.

Thanks again for all the replies. I will stop worrying that I'm a terrible parent for now at least. 😅

It probably is generational. When I was a child (in the 80s) I only ever got things for birthdays and Christmas. I was given several books on those occasions, and we were bought a book to read when we went on holiday. Other than that, we went to the library every week rather than buying them. I only got 50p pocket money at the weekend, so I spent it on sweets.

The only things I can think of outside of Christmas and birthdays would be school trips where we might have a bit of money for the gift shop (to buy a useless rubber or something).

That said, there's probably nothing wrong with your approach, but I can see why it looks a lot to older people.

ETA: also, I had friends who had absolutely loads of toys, and were probably bought them outside of special occasions, so it's not like everyone was traditional like that, even 40 years ago. I was very jealous of those friends!

I am surprised that posters are saying that it’s too young for pocket money! My 2yo (nearly 3) nephew has pocket money. He knows when going to the shop, you need to give a coin to get something. Sometime, he values his coin more than the thing he is asking for bigger items come out of the piggy bank.
He has an awareness that you can’t get something for nothing. We also use simple math, eg you’ll need two of those you get x. He can count items up to 20. Right now we’re sticking with simple exchanges. An item for a coin. You are next too young to learn about money IMO!

I don’t think what you are buying right now is excessive but bear in mind that as the child gets older so does the price point of toys etc.

do you want to raise them to expect a present every two weeks.

i’m sat on the fence re giving a 2yr old pocket money but I saw someone explain and they had a point

I never had pocket money and only started with DD because I wanted to get creative with the £20 she got for her birthday. It's stretching it out for 10 weeks and at the end she will have £10 left over in a piggy bank so it's essentially £1 a week. She takes her basket shopping. Was adamant she was going to use her pocket money to buy a banana for her grandad (walked past all the toys to get it). We talk about money, practice counting, adding and subtracting. When. I bought her something I explained mummy used three of her pound coins to get it for her and she understood that and genuinely appreciated it. When she gets older I will point blank refuse to buy expensive plastic rubbish, if she wants that she can use her own money. Buy buying her books and puzzles, games we play as a family brings me as much joy as her.

I would never pay her money for doing chores or anything like. That's is just expected, but I think it is good to have financial independence from a young age. Being used to having money and being responsible with it is a skill many adults are still learning.

Ignore the haters. A child can never have too many books, puzzles or creative educational toys. As long as it's not rubbish 5 minute wonder plastic crap (and I was guilty of this!!) just watch you don't get into the habit where she expects something every couple of weeks- easy when she's young, bloody expensive as she gets older!

Sounds griunded an well balanced. She doesnt seem spoilt at all.

Can never have too many books but pocket money for a 2 year old is unusual and I think most people would consider it to be too young.
But... As a single mother, you'd know as well as anyone how important it is to be financially savvy so maybe that's your goal. It just feels a bit young to be crushing innocence with harsh realities 😅

You sound like a great Mum x

Tbh I don't thinkna 2yo should have any concept of money or buying things. All they need to knownis that they are loved, have quality time with their parents and that their needs are met.

A reasonable variety of entertainment should he provided but I think the concept of buying, being there for purchasing and spending is unhelpful headspace.

You sound like a lovely mum who is doing all the right things, lots of books and teaching the concept of saving from an early age. Well done and keep doing what you are doing ❤️

nothing wrong with gifts but pocket money for a 2yr old 🙄

Even my cats get new toys a couple of times a month.

Keeping a tiny human active and learning and developing skills takes some investment. Books and toys and puzzles are part of what she needs, not some frivolous extra.

You say she plays with them all so as long as doesn't turn into a mountain of plastic tat that never gets touched, you are doing fine.

I think you have to look at it as part of a bigger equation. People who comment on kids having "too much" tend to just look at one side.

You also have to consider:

• How much are they giving (as they get older)
• How spoiled/thankful/grateful are they
• How much you expect of them
• How much they do for others
• How much responsibility you give them for earning things

etc.

Most of the children who I see ending up spoiled it is because the amount they are given isn't balanced by the other side of the equation. They receive loads, but are not expected to give back or earn anything. That is a recipe for entitlement.

Equally, demanding so much of your children, but providing little, is a recipe for resentment.

The equation has to balance.

You can go minimal... minimal giving, minimal expectations - and live a low-demand simple family life.

Or you can go maximal.. loads of giving, high expectations on them to also give back (effort, thanks, help etc.) to the family - and live a high-demand family style where everyone does a lot for each other.

Both are fine, and suit different families.

Sounds so lovely 😊You are doing a great job

Please reconsider the coins. A 3 year old child in our locality almost died when she swallowed a coin that got lodged in her throat and cut off her air supply. Thankfully, a quick response from the ambulance and emergency surgery sorted it but I'm terrified of coins with children ever since!

I came on locked and loaded to give you a hard time but actually that all sounds fine.

This is a really insightful post. I always thought I would take the minimal parenting approach but as it turns out I'm the opposite end of the spectrum I have high demands and expectations, for myself and her. She thrives off the structure, boundaries, and having responsibility and it's so true the saying you've got to parent the child you have.

Reflecting out loud....We've hit the proper tantrum stage and honestly I'm proud of her because she never demands anything - it's just crying because she wants her shoes off and on at the same time and random stuff like that, and she never hits or lashes out at people or things, she'll just stamp and wave her arms about. She does seem to have respect and understands the boundaries, somewhat at least.