To think this was unfair, and to take time off for mental health.

[Dawnchorus1]

I work in the civil service, and after returning from mat leave was given the choice of returning to my current job full time or taking a demotion if I wanted to do 3 or 4 days.

I took the demotion. This was nearly 5 years ago. I've contributed fully and enthusiastically in my role and been successful in working on big projects and having my ideas taken forward consistently (we work in an environment where most projects have a few people creating initial ideas which the clients then chose from). This despite being managed by 'replacement', being a single parent to my son, having little family support and having lost my mum suddenly last year, and have been working very hard at keeping my shit together.

We've gone through a restructure recently which has been horrendous for most involved and taken it's toll (multiple applications to apply for our own jobs etc). I kept my job luckily. Then a position opened up for my previous role. My son being at school now I thought it would be a good time to get my career back on track - up my hours and resume previous role.

So put in application. Got interview. Knew others were going for it, but being the one who had actually done the job before thought I had more than a good chance of getting it.

Invites for interview were sent out on the Friday - which is non working day for me so I didn't see it until the Monday morning, meaning I Iost a weekend of prep time. Interviews scheduled for the following Monday, so only a week's notice for me. We had to prepare a presentation for the interview (with no time scheduled during work to do so). This also happened to be the week of my mum's 1 year anniversary of her sudden death, and the week in which we buried her ashes. I see a therapist and the week before this she said she thought I was depressed - because I said I was struggling to get out of bed and do basic things like the washing up and laundry.

I worked hard to prepare a presentation. Long story short I didn't get the job - despite being told I had done a really good presentation. Because I 'didn't have enough examples on the behaviour and strength questions'. Despite having worked with these people closely for 5-10 years. They know I can solve a problem, they've seen me do it every week. Yes I could have had better answers. But last week was the worst week for me to have to prepare for this. I put the time and effort I had in me getting my presentation in good shape.

I'm absolutely devastated. I feel like crap and need advice about what to do next. Think I'll need to take some time off for mental health reasons, how do I go about this? I feel so angry. I'm not sure if they were allowed to do what they did with demoting me when returning from mat leave.

Then it is unlikely you will even get an interview next time.

look op, you’ve said you’ve been on the panel before, you knew what the scoring criteria was. You thought the interview was a formality and didnt prepare adequately. At least part of you must know that the others had to be given a fair chance to get the role and demonstrate their ability to do it. Which they did, your opinion on you being the best isn’t relevant, to be honest, even though they don’t score on past performance we all know they can manipulate the scores to give them the outcome they wish.

your reaction now, from discrimination to I’m going off sick to I’m not going to do my job well is petty and immature and it does start to make me wonder if you really were the right person for the role as you appear to think.

Hi OP, it’s a shame you didn’t get the job.

If your therapist says you have depression, suggest taking some sick leave until you feel better. Get out in fresh air and nature, if you can face it, and treat yourself to something (haircut, perfume, new plant). Read a good book.

As for the job, try to look at the positives. You’ve survived a huge restructure with lots of redundancies. You have a job that allows part-time work so you can be with your DC. You got an interview. And put together a good presentation at short notice on the anniversary of your mum’s sudden death, post-divorce while dealing with depression. That’s quite something!

We can’t win ‘em all. And failing at things helps us learn. Maybe the thing to consider is rather than go back to your old job, you look for a fresh start by applying for similar/higher grade jobs elsewhere, away from the colleagues/managers you have baggage with. Better not to want to go back, but to go forward, to fresh pastures. Perhaps this interview was a good trial run for a really amazing job you’ll soon get.

I’d also get advice from a union about your employer’s refusal to consider part-time working post-mat leave in your original job and saying your had to take a demotion to work p/t. Sounds iffy (quite possibly sex discrimination) to me.

Take it easy and look after yourself 💐

But the point in trying hard and doing good work in this job is because that's what you're paid to do.

What matters for getting a promotion is doing well in the interview and having the examples ready so you can answer the questions. If you don't, they can't score you on something outside the room because that would not be fair at all.

You're mixing up doing your current job well and the interview process, maybe because of your current state of mind, but you must know they're not the same thing. If you want to do poorly in your current job, you'll see the consequences of that. Overall, if the failure to get your old job back affects your MH like this, then you absolutely should apply elsewhere and move on. It's probably for the best.

OP normally I'd say a break might be a good idea - but would this org then think "look, we were right not to promote her as she can't cope"? Not that I think that's correct at all - you've got a lot on your plate.

Totally natural to feel pissed off based on what you've said.

If she was the preferred candidate they’d have manipulated the scores to ensure she got the job.

This 100% - I’ve interviewed lots of people who I knew and who would be great at the job but you have to be fair to all the candidates including those you don’t know, and judge on interview only.

And yeah, I agree STAR structure favours people who are good at memorising examples (it’s like revising for an exam) and have lots of time to practice. I’m not sure it’s the best way either and I know some departments are trialling more conversational based structures. But for now it’s the current process.

Honestly? You just sound like you’re throwing your toys out of the pram in a situation where you accept that you didn’t perform in the interview. STAR answers are basic in the civil service.

Separate this from your other life stressors. Your employer has not been unfair, you just didn’t prep effectively and you cocked up the interview. Take time if you need it because of divorce, your mum, depression but you have no grounds for time off because you didn’t get the job.

The reason I voted YABU is because whether or not you go ‘on the sick’ shouldn’t be a choice you make because you’re upset and aggrieved. It should be something you only do when you have no other option.

I’m not sure I agree.

this is what star is

• Situation (S): Set the scene and provide context for the story.
• Task (T): Explain the specific challenge, goal, or responsibility you needed to handle.
• Action (A): Describe the exact steps you took to resolve the situation, focusing on your individual contribution.
• Result (R): Share the outcome, benefits, or what you learned, quantifying results where possible

that seems basic to me, if you can’t set the scene, provide context, explain the task, describe what you did and then detail the result, then you’re providing an incomplete and rambling answer. If you need to memorises like an exam then something is very wrong somewhere.

Absolutely this. Imagine if everyone went off 'sick' when they weren't happy with something going on at work, a new manager they don't like etc. The system would collapse.

@ I’ve actually worked in recruitment in the Civil Service. I’ve sifted and sat on interview panels. It is literally scored on the answers given and not on any previous knowledge we might have had of the candidate. The scores are added up and the candidate with the highest score is offered the position. Even if what they say is complete bullshit, if they can pull it off after a thorough grilling they get the job!

Having read all your posts OP and your realisation on where you went wrong, as well as the complexities and struggles in your own life at the moment, I don’t think this would have been the right time for you. And I’d gently suggest this was perhaps the best outcome for you at the moment?

And I disagree with others on taking a mental health break. If are suffering a bout of depression and not able to function and do normal things then it’s entirely reasonable to take a break off work. My only watch out would be to use it to build up your mental health and ensure you have a plan to go back so you don’t spiral

It's perfectly reasonable to take time off for MH reasons. You're not well and you can't focus.

It's not reasonable, though, to blame your employer for not recruiting you. They pick the best person on the day. End of. Appeal if you like but I don't see how that'll help you.

It's also worth asking yourself if you're ready for a big promotion right now. Get yourself back to full health and then go for something, when you can give it 100%.

Ah OP. I’m so sorry.

As you know, CS interviews are rigidly marked by the matrix and slavishly tied to STAR style answers, so if you didn’t score highest, that’s the end of it sadly.

You definitely need some time off, that much is clear. Either have “flu” for a week or yes, get signed off for a couple of weeks by your GP. Could you afford a cheap holiday? Just lick your wounds for a while. Don’t make any rash decisions right now.

Your therapist is right, you display behaviour of being depressed. Please seek sold some support and then maybe time off if the what, and during this time you’re not suitable for the role. Just because you did something before doesn’t mean you’re good for it now. You need to focus on your mental health. It’s clearly part of the reason you didn’t get the job x

This style of interview scoring/weighting is a shit way to find the best candidate IMO. It’s a completely objective process which requires the interviewers to discard all the information they have gathered in their years of working with you. I have seen colleagues burned by this in the past and frankly been quite unimpressed with the lesser candidate getting the job because they spun an example at the right time.

If you feel you are unable to work because of your mental health then of course you should take time away from work. It’s clear that you have a lot on your plate.

When you are ready to return to work, you should probably explore other options.

If an unnecessarily harsh regime is in situ in a workplace then OP shouldn't blame herself but should approach with caution and keep scepticism to herself.

All it took where I worked a few years back was for the head of house to change and bring in more modern and humane approaches. The restructuring ploy is a sign of very poor management approach to money saving.

Appreciate the disappointment but, really, it is time we stopped taking time off/‘mental health days’ just because we’ve had a rejection.

We have no hope of the next generation developing resilience in life and the work place if we don’t model it.

And yes, I can see OP has been through a tough period, but as I’ve got older I have come to realise that every person I know is carrying burdens and stresses. Sick relatives or personal health issues, abusive partners (or kids), money worries, significant problems with their kids/teens etc. I no longer assume my life is harder than anyone else’s. That insight actually helps me muddle through better these days as I know most of my friends and colleagues are often just treading water too.

I’m not in the civil service but this sounds like excellent advice to me, OP.

OP, to answer your first question - of course it's not "unfair" that your employers used a scoring system you yourself have been involved in using on previous occasions.

If you genuinely are suffering with your mental health and cannot perform your role properlyas a result (and not simply sulking), then yes, you should get signed off sick. But the disappointment over not being appointed hasn't caused your ill-health, has it?

It's not a mental health issue. You're just pissed off.

If you think they should judge you on what they already know of you and not just how you perform in the interview, does that apply to the negatives as well as positives? Because if I knew someone had taken "sick leave" when not actually sick, just pissed off they didn't get what they wanted, they wouldn't even be getting an interview with me ever again. Unless you want to wreck your chances of ever advancing in this organisation, don't do that, and don't ever let the words "mental health" pass your lips. For your own sake, too. You won't make yourself feel any better about it all by just sitting at home with nothing to do but brood on all of this; you'll get used to avoiding things rather than facing them, and it'll just seem harder again when you're back. Straight back on the horse. Build your resilience. There will be other promotions. Good luck.

OP, I’m really impressed that despite feeling so down, and with so much on your mind, you’ve taken on the comments on this thread and with posters you’ve got this straight: in this setting with this type of recruitment process, it’s all about giving the right kind of answers to the questions and you focused on the presentation and forgot to think through the rest of the interview as carefully as you needed to.

I suggest you try not to be negative about others who did/do the job that you left when you returned from mat leave. (And try to think about it as you deciding you didn’t want to do the full time job any more, not them rejecting you.). It doesn’t help you to feel critical of your successors and you might think it doesn’t leak out in your communication but it’s unlikely that it is invisible to others.

You sound like you’ve had enough of working there and you don’t love working under someone else in the job you used to do. Fair enough. As others have said, is it time to think of looking around outside or in another department within the civil service? You are clearly talented and have bags of experience that others will be interested in. You know already that you can do a fab presentation - think how that would impress people in the outside world. Other employers may use a similar approach to interviewing but many will not, and many who do will be more relaxed and less rigid in how they do it.

You have to take this on the chin as I had to. I was told I was second out of 8 candidates. I was by far the most experienced and the interview went well. But my less experienced colleague evidently took a smarter approach. The role was explicitly advertised as not focusing on research, but my colleague managed to slide in what he’d achieved in research whereas the rest of us didn’t.
He left after a year and I got the post then.

A similar thing happened to my DH. In his case the successful candidate was evidently incompetent in the role and was quickly moved sideways. Then the role went to someone else. The person in charge of the process was clearly not going to admit his mistake and appoint DH.

If you take time off now you will confirm the view that you’re not up to it. You need to carry on and start looking elsewhere.