To think this was unfair, and to take time off for mental health.

[Dawnchorus1]

I work in the civil service, and after returning from mat leave was given the choice of returning to my current job full time or taking a demotion if I wanted to do 3 or 4 days.

I took the demotion. This was nearly 5 years ago. I've contributed fully and enthusiastically in my role and been successful in working on big projects and having my ideas taken forward consistently (we work in an environment where most projects have a few people creating initial ideas which the clients then chose from). This despite being managed by 'replacement', being a single parent to my son, having little family support and having lost my mum suddenly last year, and have been working very hard at keeping my shit together.

We've gone through a restructure recently which has been horrendous for most involved and taken it's toll (multiple applications to apply for our own jobs etc). I kept my job luckily. Then a position opened up for my previous role. My son being at school now I thought it would be a good time to get my career back on track - up my hours and resume previous role.

So put in application. Got interview. Knew others were going for it, but being the one who had actually done the job before thought I had more than a good chance of getting it.

Invites for interview were sent out on the Friday - which is non working day for me so I didn't see it until the Monday morning, meaning I Iost a weekend of prep time. Interviews scheduled for the following Monday, so only a week's notice for me. We had to prepare a presentation for the interview (with no time scheduled during work to do so). This also happened to be the week of my mum's 1 year anniversary of her sudden death, and the week in which we buried her ashes. I see a therapist and the week before this she said she thought I was depressed - because I said I was struggling to get out of bed and do basic things like the washing up and laundry.

I worked hard to prepare a presentation. Long story short I didn't get the job - despite being told I had done a really good presentation. Because I 'didn't have enough examples on the behaviour and strength questions'. Despite having worked with these people closely for 5-10 years. They know I can solve a problem, they've seen me do it every week. Yes I could have had better answers. But last week was the worst week for me to have to prepare for this. I put the time and effort I had in me getting my presentation in good shape.

I'm absolutely devastated. I feel like crap and need advice about what to do next. Think I'll need to take some time off for mental health reasons, how do I go about this? I feel so angry. I'm not sure if they were allowed to do what they did with demoting me when returning from mat leave.

They absolutely cannot demote you in the way you describe. Not for asking for a different working pattern. If that's what happened you need to speak to the Union as soon as possible. You don't need to be a member.

The application for your old job is a separate matter. It's shit but you didn't get the top score out of all the interviewees so there's no one to blame and nothing you can do apart from dust yourself off and move on. The system is the way it is to ensure it is fair, although success depends entirely in your ability to play the game of behaviours etc.

In your shoes I would try to take a few days leave to recover and do some self care if you can, but going sick is to be avoided unless you really have to. People think the civil service gives you an easier time if it than the private sector but must if the time it does not. The trigger for unacceptable attendance is low and if you really were too ill to work at any point, those days will count towards it.

If your line manager is a compassionate sort you could explain that you are struggling at the moment and you could consider an OH referral.

I'm sorry you are going through a horrible time OP.

Sorry OP it sounds like you have had a hard time. In all fairness though if you are struggling to get out of bed and do laundry then maybe this promotion wouldn't have been the best idea for you at this time. Maybe focus on getting your mental health back on track and then look into another opportunity when you are feeling better. I would not go off sick though as it looks a bit like sour grapes that you did not get the job.

Well, other than if there are any more redundancies, then you may have no job at all.
I think you are lucky to have a PT job. Which will give you time to lick your wounds, look after your Dad, see more of your DC.
You are not a failure.

Don't help your new manager, let them flounder, maybe they are on a trial !

I am sorry about your mum and divorce and all the stress OP it sounds awful. I don't think you should force yourself to work however going off sick with stress when you didn't get the job could come across as petty and flouncing off and Im not sure how well that would reflect on your in the long term to be honest. I'd be more inclined to ask for a meeting with your manager and explain you're struggling- with depression, grief and now feeling disappointed with the outcome. You might get more clarity about their decision and some support at work.

If you go off now, you will just be proving they were right to not give you the role.

Push on, show up, keep smiling, look for another job maybe?

Also, they might have overlooked you because you have a lot going on at the moment. They are maybe aware that the time is just not right.

The most constructive thing I have found to do post interview is to get proper feedback. Not the couple of lines the panel puts on CS jobs. Search out the chair and ask for 15 mins of their time to talk through what could be improved. It is absolutely excruciating but if they are honest, really will help if there is a next time.

OP, I really feel for you. I think you're grieving and I think a promotion is not what you need right now. I appreciate you're trying to get your life back on track, and that's commendable, especially so soon after losing your mum. A year is not long. It took me much longer to get back to "normal" after my dad died, and I'm not the same person I was before. It changes your reality and understanding of existence.

I quit my high-level job, and I now work part-time in a less demanding role. I'm so much better emotionally that I could apply for my old job again... but I'm not going to. I earn enough money, I don't worry about work, and I have time to enjoy my life while I'm fit and healthy. Life is precious, as you know. Is getting a "better" job really that important to you? Why?

Having been through it, my advice is to prioritise your health (physical and mental). If you think going sick will take the pressure off, do it. Practice mindfulness; slow down, look around and notice all the simple things you are grateful for. Go out in nature, observe the environment coming to life in Spring. Understand that life goes on, long after we are all dead. You might not feel gratitude or joy, but one day you will, and then you'll know that recovery is possible.

This really.
If I had applied for a job I would be checking emails regularly to make such that I didn't miss an invite to interview. It's on you and you don't sound particularly tenacious.

From my experience the civil service promotion board process is an absolute joke. They use the weirdest interview criteria ever, and very often end up choosing the worst possible candidate, who literally everyone who'd ever worked with them previously could have predicted was the worst person for the job. Said person then turns out to be utterly useless and with the candidates who failed to get the promotion often having to massively help them out.

The candidates who succeed are those who are good at getting through the promotion interview process, which very often is no reflection of their ability to actually perform well in the promoted post. I'd go as far as to say it is those who are the best at telling everyone how great they are rather than actually being competent.

This opinion is based on decades of watching the wrong people being promoted. No skin in the game myself as I was a plodder happy to stay where I was for an easier life . It was thoroughly depressing however to watch talented capable colleagues passed over time after time in favour of useless aresholes.

Sorry but you weren’t the best candidate and you didn’t get the job. It’s tough but it’s not personal so don’t take it that way.
You also didn’t get demoted as in a bad way, yiu chose to step down so you could go part time, you could have chosen not to , it’s not unreasonable for them to do that for some positions where it wouldn’t be fair on colleagues if you weren’t there every day (not saying you made the wrong choice I’m just saying it was your choice ultimately).
From reading your post it seems to me you’re not in the right place for a promotion anyway, I think you need to prioritise your mental health and wait until you’re feeling stronger before considering it.
Think carefully about going off sick, if you go off long term now it will be obvious it’s because of the job and it will look like sour grapes.
Take a few days off first and have a rest while your DS is at school, you can self certify for that, tell them you have D&V or something. Then go back feeling a bit more positive and start job hunting if you feel like you don’t want to stay.

So sorry you’re going through a tough time OP. I understand your reaction to this situation is filtered by your current personal pressures but you need to be kinder to yourself.

you said they ‘chose’ someone else. But they didn’t, they had to give the job to the highest scorer. They didn’t have a choice. This wasn’t personal.

you mentioned the humiliation of being demoted. But you weren’t demoted, you made an active choice to move to a role that was lower paid so that you could work part time. This is a choice many women make to be a more present parent while their kids are small. There’s no humiliation here. Just a positive choice to prioritise your family.

I understand this is likely your mental health talking so I would talk to your therapist about some of your language around these things and reframing these in your mind.

So you have recent good examples you can use in interviews?

You can't expect them to give you work time to prep for interview.
A week should be plenty of time to prep.
Why is 'replacement ' written in quotes?
They only have the interview notes to go off. This is in case someone appeals.
Sorry OP they've done nothing wrong.

Thank you ❤️

Thanks everyone I'm so grateful for the thoughtful and positive replies. I think maybe part of me didn't want the role / extra hours / stress so I poss self sabotaged it to a degree.

It's hard to get your head round trying to cover all bases in life and realising you just can't do them all to the level you'd like (well I'm sure some can). I'm very proud of my son. I'd love to have a great career and also have time and headspace to be there for him. Don't think I'm superwoman enough for that though, at the mo at least.

I call it a demotion because I literally had to fill in the 'volentary demotion' form. And my manager was my replacement, not 'replacement'. Sorry didn't need the quote marks.

Civil Service here. This happens all the time. It comes down to how you answer the questions on the day and hitting the right competencies. They don't care how experienced you are or how good you are in the job. We have had some melts promoted into management who cannot do the job and people work around them but they uber-prepared for the interview and hey-ho they got the job.

I'm glad you got something positive out of posting. I agree you could have self-sabotaged subconsciously.

Honestly, I totally get it. I've interviewed and had to turn down a role I loved and would have aced years ago, because I knew deep down I couldn't commit enough to take it on. There's so much more that goes with being a lone parent than 'just' the practicalities. Add grief into the mix and that's a lot to battle with day-to-day, it doesn't take an awful lot to derail you.

You are highly capable, it just isn't the time right now. Your time will come though, so will mine 😊

Look after yourself.

I’m sorry you didn’t get the job. But I really think you need to suck this one up. Interviewers will only be interested in recent experience and unfair as it might seem, five years ago is not recent in workplace terms.

Doesn’t sound like they made you take a demotion at the time though. Your role was available, but you wanted a part time job instead so went for that. I don’t understand why that would be not allowed. If they refused to let you have your old job back returning from maternity leave and only offered a demotion that would be different.

I applied for a what I think would be a really cool/good job.

It was with the police as an evidence administrator.

I was successful in getting the role and was genuinely excited..... Until I thought about what the evidence might have been for.

I'm an empath and I know for a fact I would have struggled with whatever bad had happened. It would have been too much on my heart body and soul soni ended up saying thanks but not thanks (and lots of sorry's).

it sounds like the interview process was conducted fairly. However, I really dislike the scoring system of interviews when candidates are already known to the interviewing panel. I’ve been in situations before where I have been hiring and I know from previous performance who is the right fit for the job. However another candidate scores more highly in the interview and gets the job. It really is a poor way of hiring, and yet is endemic in the public sector.

But that would be unfair to those they don’t know and always give the advantage to someone they do know; which isn’t ok.

But it was your choice, you could have continued in current role, you chose proactively to do the demoted role as you didn’t want to work full time.

if they’d refused you back into it, and said the only option was the demoted role, that would be different, but that’s not what occurred. You wanted part time, it couldn’t be done in current role it could be done in lower role, you had the option of both, you chose part time in lower role