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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

17 year old & bills

72 replies

Winniepoobear · 17/03/2026 22:25

My son is 17, he has an apprenticeship, and earns £300 a week. He goes to college once a week, then 4 days at work.

He pays nothing towards the household, (i dont expect him to at this age) he pays £40 per week for his driving lesson, but he gets most things paid for him .. things like his mobile phone contract, gym membership, spotify (family plan) internet, netflix etc etc .. we lift him from his place of work 4 days a week (18 miles per day) and he gives no money for diesel. He does NOTHING to help around the house, although he shares walking the dog with his 15 yr old sister (he does this 3 x a week) He basically has £260 a week to spend on what he likes, with no responsibility whatsoever.

My husband an I have been talking about him taking responsibility for some of these bills (mobile phone, gym membership) when he gets to 18, but my husband is quite reluctant to do this, as when he was younger, he never paid towards household expenses, but as i said, he didnt have a gym membership or a mobile phone that his patents paid for him...

I grew up in care and when I got a job aged 16, I had money taken off my wage each wk to pay towards things in the home I was living at, to try and teach me how to live. When I was 17 I had to move out & was given a council flat and bang straight into paying electricity, gas, rent etc.

AIBU to expect my son to pay for his own gym membership and his own mobile phone bill? I really feel that he needs to learn that money doesnt grow in trees & he needs to start show some sort of responsibility, direct debit for gym membership and mobile contract ..

Am I too harsh ... he turns 18 in 4 months.

OP posts:
SALaw · 18/03/2026 04:49

You negated my supportive feelings towards your position by including Spotify, Netflix and internet in the list of his bills. These would presumably be the same whether or not he was there. You need to be reasonable in what you are passing on to him and including these would not be reasonable in my opinion.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 18/03/2026 05:15

£100 p/w toward household
Pay own gym and phone

AlmostAJillSandwich · 18/03/2026 05:37

Phone contract in his own name and paying the bill for that and his gym direct debit will be a start on him getting a credit score and showing responsibility for managing bills etc, it would actually benefit him!

DeftGoldHedgehog · 18/03/2026 05:44

I don't feel it would be fair to charge my 17 year old rent when we are giving our other daughter hundreds of pounds a month to help with living costs at university, which we may never have to pay out for DD2, though the help is always there should she need it. Though I might ask her to start paying for phone and gym at 18 when working full time hours.

3691nd · 18/03/2026 05:52

Gym and phone is reasonable.

ElfAndSafetyBored · 18/03/2026 06:27

I think you are right and being very fair. It is for his own good too, as like you say, young people do need to learn how life works.

As my child approaches 17, I can probably learn from your approach.

We don’t support young people in care well enough do we? I’m sorry you had to make your own way so early on in life.

shuffleofftobuffalo · 18/03/2026 06:49

I’d be making him pay for anything that’s only for him - looks like phone and gym The Netflix Spotify I assume you’ve got the plan anyway tho so I’d not take him off those.

I’d sit down with him and explain the costs of the commute you’re doing for him too - that all adds up at 80 ish miles a week - even if you’re not going to charge him (I would tho!!)

I don’t think you do children any favours by shielding them from the costs of real life. He will want to strike out on his own soon and he needs the budgeting skills. OR - you’ll be making another post in 10 yrs time asking how to shift on your lazy dirty grifter adult son who won’t contribute or help out!

He needs to do some basic chores too - laundry is a good one to start with.

PrioritisePleasure24 · 18/03/2026 07:03

I know many on here don’t often like charging kids but i was on an apprenticeship in 96/97. I was paid £60 a week. My mum took £15 without fail. I did everything myself: my washing, getting to work,cleaning etc. Luckily there was no subscription or mobile contracts. I got a phone at 18 (PAYG) . I moved out at 20 and was very capable. I know it’s not that easy now.

Im assuming he is coming out with £300 a week? Tax etc deducted? It’s an amazing amount of money for his age. Of course it’s nice for him to blow a bit and have a bit of fun. But he should be paying things like his phone,gym etc. Needs to learn that life isn’t free! If you wanted to take any board etc you could save it back up to give to him or he also needs to think about saving even a small amount will build. So instead of board he has to pull his finger out in the house and save an amount each month. How will he run a car or will dad insist on paying for that too?

ay30916 · 18/03/2026 07:06

I would absolutely get him to pay for his phone, gym & when he gets it his car. If I could continue to pay for his food & all the household bills I would but I would suggest to him that he starts building some savings up. I had an apprenticeship when I was 16 and always paid towards the house & did chores.

Comefromaway · 18/03/2026 07:30

RosesAndHellebores · 17/03/2026 23:30

I think he should take on his gym and phone. He shoud also contribute towards the diesel if he's getting lifts. He'd have to.pay fares on public transport.

I'm on the fence about house-keeping per se because he is under 18 and the apprenticeship is education. Presumably he's paying some tax, ni and a pension contribution, so that 1200 is more likely 1000, less 160 on the driving lessons, so £840. I'd encourage him to save half and to hopefully have a better young personhood and more fun than you did @Winniepoobear. He also has love and security which are priceless.

Hats off to you.

Apprentices don’t pay NI, he will be under the limit to pay tax & unless he opts to join early he won’t have been auto enrolled into a pension scheme.

Catza · 18/03/2026 07:44

How long had your had and had everything paid for him for?
I never had to contribute a penny to the household when I lived with my parents but I paid my mobile contract, gym, entertainment, clothes and public transport since the day I turned 18. Can't remember whether I did any regular chores. Nothing was officially assigned to me on a weekly basis but we all mucked in with whatever jobs needed doing.

RosesAndHellebores · 18/03/2026 07:44

Comefromaway · 18/03/2026 07:30

Apprentices don’t pay NI, he will be under the limit to pay tax & unless he opts to join early he won’t have been auto enrolled into a pension scheme.

The 26/27 tax allowance is £12570, £300pw exceeds £15000, therefore tax is payable; further NI is payable on the amount above the threshold by the employee, albeit not the employer. The auto enrolment trigger for pension contributions is, I believe, about £10k. As the lad has spare money, the best place.for some of it woukd be to increase pension contributions - the benefit of compound interest will serve him well.

Winniepoobear · 18/03/2026 07:46

Thanks for all your opinions.

I should have said .. he does do the dishes each night, we dont have a dish washer, so he washes and his sister dries and puts away. Hes meant to clean his own room and take responsibilityfor it. Not to my standards, but we cant have everything lol.

I used to pay for his haircut at the local hairdressers every 6 weeks or so, but he didnt like going there (mostly ladies and not done to his standards lol) so he now goes to a barber in town, which he pays for himself as its more expensive than what i used to pay so I told him, my hairdresser or pay for yourself lol. So he pays that himself.

We do pay car insurance on my husbands car so he can get extra lessons with us.

He does save at least £100-£150 (sometimes more, depending on whats going on that week) every week as he wants to buy his own car when he passes his test and has near on £6k in savings ready for it.

The £300 per week IS take home pay after tax and NI, he earns as much as me lol.

There are no bus routes where he works, he does roofing and travels in the van with older boys to his jobs, then its back to the yard, and I lift him from there each night. If I made him walk to bus route & get a bus home, he wouldn't be home till at least 7pm each evening. He gets up at 6am everyday to get to work (he gets a lift) so being out until 7pm i feel is too much. I complained I guess because there is no offer of diesel money, or any proper thanks as I work too and when I get home, im tired, but have to get tea on and he usually phones for that lift, in middle of me making it. Husband sometimes lifts him if he is home around the same time, but its mostly me.

The netflix, internet & things like that are paid for everyone in the house, Spotify is in a family plan which ive just cancelled as its gone up to £22 per mth, a bill i dont need just to play music without ads. This didnt go down well as now most of his music he cant play due to too many ads etc ... ive told him if he wants unlimited play, he needs an account to pay himself.

The more I write here the more im thinking that he's not that bad a teenager tbh. Yes we get the usual stuff (found a vape in his room, couple of empty cans of larger etc) staying out later than he's meant to, but thats teenage stuff. We have talked to him about alcohol and drug taking, and we allow him to drink when he goes out, but we do advise it too mych etc) we kinda thought that allowing him would be a better approach rather than him hiding it, coming home hammered and getting into trouble.

I do feel however he should be paying for his own mobile phone contract and his own gym membership. The gym membership started because he stopped playing football. He used to play for local team and we paid his membership at £30 a mth, he asked that we pay same amt for gym as he wud rather go there than play football.

He was still in school at the time, so we agreed, but this has been going on now since he left in June last year.

Had another chat with hubby about this (bear in mind, its not me that pays his phone & membership its my hubby) and he now agrees that when he turns 18 that we need to have another think about these extras. Hopefully by then he will have passed his test, git himself a car and will realise they are not cheap to run either ... at least I wont have to run around aftet him and save some money (and time) myself .... but then i'll be worrying that he's driving himself about 🙄🤷‍♀️ lol.

OP posts:
CandidLurker · 18/03/2026 07:54

I found early on it was easier for anything contract related to go into my step-son’s name once he turned 18. This was mainly so he could start sorting these things out himself and we didn’t have to be involved. So things he used like mobile phone, gym etc. we also thought it was better that he started having car insurance in his own name to build up no claims etc. but we did then give him money to pay for the insurance as he couldn’t have afforded it to start off with.

once he had to pay for things himself he became very canny at finding good deals and has now turned into an arch negotiator! He will try to negotiate the price on everything

ActualFun · 18/03/2026 09:49

If it was us, as he’s paying for driving lessons and saving for a car, we’d keep paying for everything whilst he’s still in education and on a low wage. Hopefully once he has completed his apprenticeship, his wage will be better and he can still save and contribute. The big thing for us would be getting him to do more around the house so he becomes a capable man.

Abd80 · 18/03/2026 09:52

He should definitely be involved in household chores and have responsibilities assigned to him there like some cooking and cleaning
id ask him for his phone bill money and save it to give back to him for house deposit, car or similar big purchase.

Comefromaway · 18/03/2026 09:52

RosesAndHellebores · 18/03/2026 07:44

The 26/27 tax allowance is £12570, £300pw exceeds £15000, therefore tax is payable; further NI is payable on the amount above the threshold by the employee, albeit not the employer. The auto enrolment trigger for pension contributions is, I believe, about £10k. As the lad has spare money, the best place.for some of it woukd be to increase pension contributions - the benefit of compound interest will serve him well.

He can (and should) go into the pension if he can, but he won't have been auto enrolled until the age of 22.

blankcanvas3 · 18/03/2026 10:13

I don’t make DS pay for his phone, netflix etc and we bought his car for him and paid for the first year of insurance but he does pay for his own fuel. The terms of that were that he saves up at least half his wage (and he does!). But he does a lot around the house, helps out with his little sisters and his room is always tidy.

If your DS is annoyed about Spotify then he should really pay it himself. I think we’ll probably reasses what we pay for when he turns 18, as imo 17 is still a child. And I don’t think I paid my own phone bill until I was about 25 😂

Winniepoobear · 18/03/2026 10:43

ActualFun · 18/03/2026 09:49

If it was us, as he’s paying for driving lessons and saving for a car, we’d keep paying for everything whilst he’s still in education and on a low wage. Hopefully once he has completed his apprenticeship, his wage will be better and he can still save and contribute. The big thing for us would be getting him to do more around the house so he becomes a capable man.

He brings home exactly £305 per week, i know this because it gies into his go henery acct, I wouldn't say thats a low wage tbh. I work part time and he earns same as me .. plus it will go up when he is 18 ..

OP posts:
CuppaTeaBab · 18/03/2026 10:47

I dont think it is unreasonable to expect him to pay for non essential expenses.

ActualFun · 18/03/2026 13:40

Winniepoobear · 18/03/2026 10:43

He brings home exactly £305 per week, i know this because it gies into his go henery acct, I wouldn't say thats a low wage tbh. I work part time and he earns same as me .. plus it will go up when he is 18 ..

£15k ish a year is a low wage. Obviously do what you feel is best, I just said what I’d do based on what is a low wage and the more money he has, the more he can save and the sooner he can buy a car which will benefit you all.

IWaffleAlot · 18/03/2026 13:48

I wouldn’t take money off him other than to save. He can start now and save a good chunk. I would be focusing on that. And the chores too

Winniepoobear · 18/03/2026 15:05

ActualFun · 18/03/2026 13:40

£15k ish a year is a low wage. Obviously do what you feel is best, I just said what I’d do based on what is a low wage and the more money he has, the more he can save and the sooner he can buy a car which will benefit you all.

For a 17yr old that pays no bills and has no outgoings i think thats pretty good tbf

OP posts:
FrothyCothy · 18/03/2026 15:12

I think it would be good to get him paying for his own mobile and gym before he passes his driving test as he is going to need to factor in those costs when it comes to buying and running his own car.

Bearbookagainandagain · 18/03/2026 15:25

I would make him pay for his own personal bills (phone, clothes, outings etc), but not rent or household bills.
Him helping around the house is a given, and has nothing to do with his earnings. He should be doing it anyway, and should have been doing it for a while. At the minimum I would expect that:

  • he does his own laundry
  • he cooks a family meal once or twice a week
  • he takes care of his own meal when they are not shared with the rest of the family
  • he cleans his share of the house depending on how often this happens