Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

[DiaryofWimpy]

My DS2 has moved his girlfriend in with her 2 cats.

Obviously it’s another person using the washing machine,,TV, gas and electricity they are both 22 and don’t work but get benefits.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable asking them for money?

It's been shown, time and again, that a steady productive routine (not rotting in bed all day), exercise and getting out into nature/fresh air/just outside does quite a lot to help people with depression and/or anxiety.

As does some kind of meaningful work, volunteer, or paid, or part-time.

No wonder this country is in such a mess. What are the pair of them anxious about? When they will get their next hand out?

There might be difficulties with that. Basic UC doesn't include a housing costs element.

There's no legal liability for them to pay rent to the OP and the son definitely couldn't get it as he's living with close family. As they are now a couple and will have to switch to a joint claim, I suspect that the DWP would treat the GF in the same way as the DS.

However, it's not a situation I've come across with a couple, only with a single adult child. Hopefully someone with knowledge of a comparable case will be along in a minute. (I wish I'd kept my welfare benefits handbook when I retired a few months ago!)

I have anxiety and am medicated for it - also cPTSD and ADHD, and I agree with her too. I have been suicidal, but still had to work full time to support my family, even when I was a single mum leaving a very abusive marriage, I still kept my full time job.

Anxiety as a reason to not work is a fucking piss take

I'll be gaming.

My son has anxiety and he works. If they had to work to eat, it would be amazing how quickly their anxiety would disappear.

I have bipolar and GAD too and yes it is crap. It’s a very very difficult illness to live with and just because it is invisible doesn’t mean it is not serious in the way it affects not only us but those around us.
Having said that though, I do work 4 days a week and have done for over 20 years. I have a family and pay my own bills.
Working helps me with a good routine, a steady income, my self confidence and esteem and also acts as a distraction. I have supportive workmates and managers who are aware of my diagnosis, know and understand that there are times when I am ill or need time off work and I take A LOT of medication to try and keep me stable.
I think if you try and find a part time job or even start volunteering to try and get you work experience and get you out of the house it will help you. Millions of people like us who live with bipolar disorder work and it does help overall.
Your son and his GF will then see how working or volunteering could help them too and find gainful employment for themselves.
I will just add that I would check that you getting board/rent from them won’t affect your own benefits if it could be classed as income as this could affect you.

Yes I will try. I’ll look into volunteering first I think. I’ve been out of work 10 years so need to ease myself into employment

This.

If all benefits were stopped, I suspect that the very same people who moan about benefits would soon be moaning about the homeless beggars cluttering up the high street, rising crime as the penniless went on the rob in desperation and the cost of clearing up after those that topped themselves and the subsequent inquests.

Can son and girlfriend look into volunteering

I agree with it too. But we're allowed to be frustrated that we as taxpayers are funding the lifestyles of people with very little reason for not working. Particularly when we can all see clearly how badly our taxes are needed in other areas.

I did state in my previous post that I worked for decades before claiming UC - and I have also worked when on Uc. Just not enough to come off it

I'm not sure what the issue is here tbh. You don't know anything about my life and I don't know anything about yours. But you seem to be making judgements about people on benefits.

I’m glad you’ve had a chat re money.

I don’t mean this horribly at all, but it does seem worrying that you can’t work due to anxiety (as well as bipolar, I’m not down playing) and now your son can’t either. He’s now got a girlfriend who can’t work for the same reason, so you have three of you all out of work for the same reason.

Are you or he able to access some help to get back into work? Whether counselling, coaching or anything to help you? Seems so sad for you both to have your whole
lives, or a big chunk of it, unable to work at all, not even part-time. It sounds a positive step you’re looking into work, even if starting with voluntary work, but I think your son should too (less to go on re the gf but ideally her too).

The worry would be they would then have a child who would also have anxiety - either through heredity or being around parents who have it - and then it would be three generations all out of work (if the child reaches adulthood during your “working years”, eg before you reach 68 or whatever.

Really hoping you can all find some help.

But yes they should be paying you some board! And not getting any more cats or taking over the house.

Pip fraud runs at less than one per cent and lcwra really is not easy to get. If people do think it's easy to get either benefit - they've not been through the process themselves.

Also. I paid tax for decades. I don't think I should feel shame at having to claim UC when I needed to.

Didn’t see this exchange until after I’d posted.

Does sound nonsensical to have a system of work coaches if there aren’t enough of them/ they aren’t able to do anything to help.

I get that people have to find the job themselves to motivated to do it, but sounds like a bit of a half arsed incentive.

You don't catch anxiety by being around people who suffer from it.

Tax fraud/ avoidance is a bigger issue to be sure. But doesn’t mean having people on benefits for years does anyone any good.

funny how people find the strength and where with all to have a relationship, get some pets, even make sarky comments about the person they are living with and treating their benefits as pocket money and yet when it comes to work any type of work including litter picking they are then too ill to work.

How bloody depressing this thread is and for the people who bleat its very difficult to get benefits. Dont talk such nonsense. Why is the benefits bills sprialling out of control?

You can develop traits of anxiety from your parents - unhealthy ways of thinking / approaching issues etc

Im obviously not saying it’s contagious like a cold, it’s very clear what I’m saying.

Children copy how their parents behave/ react to life. That’s well known.

No judgement here for those that need UC top-ups on their wages or need them because of disabilities, but yes I totally judge those that are able bodied to work but choose not to, the bone-idol, and I especially judge those that bring life into the world when they are currently not even paying for their own lives.

I mentioned I was from Glasgow as it has a high rate of people claiming benefits including but but not limited to disability. There are absolutely people who manage to stay on it for several years when they could be working.

The “evidence” needed of searching for work is not that rigorous as I’ve said and many do manage to get away with it by the means I’ve listed eg, applying for jobs out of their reach, filling in applications poorly etc.

honestly it’s not hard to not get a job when multiple sometimes hundreds of people are going for the same positions you realy need to make an effort.

No they don't help much. There are certain initiatives where people can get training courses funded like their SIA badge and get it paid for. Probably more than that in certain areas. Work coaches don't have time to support people into work. They probably give more support to single parents to prepare for work - but that's because they have to be looking for work when their child reaches a certain age

They are mainly there to make sure that the claimant is adhering to their claimant commitment. You get about ten minutes with your work coach. They are very busy

Claiming benefits for anxiety is pretty common I think. My neighbour claims his anxiety is so bad he cannot leave his house so therefore cannot work. He went to his GP who put him on some sort of medication.

He gets universal credit. The great thing though is that he does in fact leave his house. He goes out almost every day, sometimes several times a day. He goes shopping, visits his girlfriend, walks his dog etc. Even better he works cash in hand 4 or 5 days a week and, no, he doesn't work at home!

Exactly when I wasn’t able to do it all due to mental health issues, I focused on getting a job and housing in my 20s. Relationships and pets on top of that would have been too much. Some people prioritise completely differently and will rather expend their energy on the “fun stuff”. No doubt there are some who genuinely can’t work but there are definitely many who could be working but don’t.

if your parent has anxiety, you see what they can get, you tend to follow their behaviour. Is the OP encouraging her son to get a job - any job or is it just convienent that now THREE people are living off benefits with no end in sight bar this couple having a baby..