To ask you to help with a cover story for my Jewish child

[Aislyn]

My eldest is at secondary school and has suffered horrific racist bullying due to being identifiably Jewish. She never told anyone, but they guessed due to her appearance, and her saying Eastern European countries when asked 'where are you from?'

Unfortunately the school has been completely unhelpful, and refused to tackle this.

My second child is starting at second and has sen. They are at even higher risk of bullying. They have an appearance that would mean that they could be identified as Jewish, especially when citing Eastern European countries in response to the above question. Can anyone think of a cover story for my child?

(Yes, I have tried to get them a place at a Jewish school, but there is none available)

What are the demographics of the school where your child is being bullied?

They are, there’s plenty of posts saying I don’t get your dc’ experience based on appearance alone. In fact they don’t believe it happens.

And if you read the op’s posts and others who experienced the same you’d understand what she’s saying.

Forgive my ignorance here but what does being identifiably Jewish look like? I didn't realise this was a thing, apart from jewish clothing.
im so sorry this is happening to your daughter.

No advice but wanted to say, it's absolutely shocking that racist bullying is forcing your children to deny their heritage and that their school is not being supportive. I hope you and your children can find a way through this.

I'm surprised so many people are surprised by this.

Some of the teenage Muslim boys at my school aggressively asked me if I was Jewish. This would have been 20 years ago. I have dark hair and pale skin so sometimes people think I am Jewish. I told them I was atheist. They told me that Allah hates atheists. I told them I didn't really care as he doesn't exist.

I get my looks from my Scottish grandmother if that's any help. I don't blame you for doing anything you need to to keep your children safe.

I have just finished reading Tova Friedman's book and I really don't think you should hide being Jewish. I am so sorry your children are experiencing bullying. How awful. I am sorry I can't be more helpful but I would be telling my children we are Jewish and proud. I'd also be telling them if the school don't sort it out then they have full permission to stand up for themselves in other ways. A bop on the nose might teach these little shits to leave them alone 😆

No I'm not.

@ICanLiveWithIt you aren’t in Rutland are you? I’ve never seen anyone use Uppingham as an example who doesn’t live around here! I’m in Oakham if you are (don’t out yourself of course, but hello fellow Rutlander if I’m right!)

I'm so sorry your children and you are facing this stupid ignorant bullying. Can you talk to a school governor and get help there? Re origin stories, I suppose they can say their grandparents were Latvian or whatever but they're English themselves so don't know much about the ancestors home country. Then ask the children questioning them, where their grandparents were from and turn it into a conversation. What an appalling, depressing situation the uk is in, where Jewish young children aren't safe.

I completely understand why you want to do this OP, but I think you underestimate the emotional toll for you and your child of doing this.

What other options do you have for schools? Even travelling slightly further afield?

Don’t be surprised. I asked what makes a Jewish person identifiable and was told olive skin and now you are saying pale skin, seems like there’s no typical physical features from the answers given here.

OP I’m so sorry your children are experiencing this. They should never have to hide their heritage, and have the right to feel proud of where they come from. I wish there were an easy solution.

Isn't it. Do CoE or Catholic schools have to routinely have security and gates at their school simply because of their faith?

I could list the most recent examples of anti semitic attacks across the glove and I could list all the conspiracy theories that rely heavily on tropes. But I suspect you probably know all of them anyway.

I’m a bit of a European mixed breed, raised in the UK partly so I just say I come from somewhere in the British channel. Or I just joke that I’m a European mongrel. It’s a bad joke and self deprecating but humour can be used as a good deflector. It was nowhere near as bad as what you are facing but there was some xenophobia around brexit and I learned quickly to not give too much away.

Yes, my dad was a Displaced Person from Eastern Europe.

A number of girls in my year group had Eastern European surnames, and no one assumed that we were Jewish.

So what are you claiming the response would be about a black or ME child who was second generation British being questioned about family heritage would be?
I’m really struggling to understand how you’re claiming the response to both those would be different to the comments here.
That child would also be born in London and therefore British, it doesn’t matter where their family links are from they don’t have to go into it with some racist child, not would they be told to create a fictional background.

Op I'm Jewish.... people quite often ask if I'm from another country. I'm white but have been told I "look foreign"🙄I usually just say 'no I'm English, lots of people ask me that though " and leave it at that.

Are you practising? Wonder if you have a Rabbi available locally who may deal with these issues all the time.

Are your children connected to other Jewish children? They may be able to compare experiences.

Wonder if cutting across the question with something like 'I'm Jewish, from y, I lost X great grandparents in the Holocaust. Next question' or 'I'm Ashkenazi/ Sephardi. I'm at more risk of (illnesses) x, y and z.'

I'd say very dark wavy/curly hair, olive or pale skin, prominent nose are the stereotypes. Not every Jewish person looks like this but those are the stereotypes and why people have sometimes asked if I am Jewish.

I can clearly see you are struggling to understand. I don't think there is any simpler way I can explain what is going on on this thread.

I recall that when I was working in a school no more than 20 miles from my birthplace, a new teacher who had moved to us from the south of England asked "When did you come to this country?" (I still had my maiden name then.)

I'm still trying to figure out how he thought I'd acquired my Fife accent.

I gave him my date and time of birth.

"Goodness! It must have made quite an impression on you!"

"No, but it made a helluva impression on my mum."

I have to admit I never thought there was such a thing as 'looking Jewish'. "dark curly hair, olivey skin" could be describing an Italian. Olive skin could be Greek. What you are saying sounds like Mediterranean to me, or Italian.
Someone else mentioned Poland. The only Polish people I knew were Catholic.

I would say they are of Italian or Greek extraction, even Polish if you have to, but say your family has been out here for generations. Don't mention religion.

If they have a large nose as people have mentioned, I'd say it's a Roman nose. My father and I have the same large Roman nose as it's actually called.

OP said her children look stereotypically Jewish.

not that all Jewish people look the same.

back in WWII when many people in France the Neherlands Switzerland etc were involved in the underground hiding of Jews, it was acknowledged that some people were facially very obviously jewish and were much more difficult to move around as changing names on false passprts and ID papers would not work as so obviously Jewish, some jews do not look obviously jewish but some do.

I suspect the school are not taking it as seroiuslty as they should as the perpetrators will be from another minority group, although OP's kids are Eastern European Jews they will probably be targeted as zionists and therefore responsible for Gaza regardless of whether they have any Israeli relatives have ever been to Israel etc,

This.
wtaf.