To ask you to help with a cover story for my Jewish child

[Aislyn]

My eldest is at secondary school and has suffered horrific racist bullying due to being identifiably Jewish. She never told anyone, but they guessed due to her appearance, and her saying Eastern European countries when asked 'where are you from?'

Unfortunately the school has been completely unhelpful, and refused to tackle this.

My second child is starting at second and has sen. They are at even higher risk of bullying. They have an appearance that would mean that they could be identified as Jewish, especially when citing Eastern European countries in response to the above question. Can anyone think of a cover story for my child?

(Yes, I have tried to get them a place at a Jewish school, but there is none available)

Don’t we agree that’s still better than anti Semitic bullying though?!

Why interrogate like this? The op knows her dc’ experience.

I agree especially if its only their Dad of this origin but then they would be brought up in another culture.

To what extent are your kids actually "from" said Eastern European location? Did their great grandparent/s flee from there during the Holocaust? How much of their current culture is informed by that location? I'm just a bit surprised by how you define yourself by your heritage of this place, given that Jews have only ever been sojourners there (no matter how much we have felt settled or contributed to society...) So I'm surprised that your kids feel the need to give any answer beyond British. "I know, lots of people say I look Mediterranean, funny that!"

I'm really sorry and disappointed to hear how you are suffering. Are you sure the same will happen at the other school? Or you just don't want to take any chances?

Kicking myself that my children (not yet at school) have very Jewish/Israeli names...

No advice, OP, but sending solidarity. My son has encountered more antisemitism at high school than I have in my entire 50 years. And it’s not taken seriously at all. I could hear the eye rolls when I last spoke to SLT about it.
It’s a hard time.

Quite honestly OP, I am absolutely horrified that your poor child is facing such blatant racism. I'm not Jewish and neither is my husband. My husband has a childhood friend who is Jewish, and we have been welcomed with open arms into his family, as he has been ours.

It sounds as if you have tried everything to resolve the issue with the school. Have you taken the issue to the Governors and followed the schools complaint process (should be listed on the school website)?

Sometimes, it is possible to guess someone's heritage by their appearance, and I suspect this is what's happened, with the country, confirming it. It shouldn't matter to anyone else what heritage your children are, it's irrelevant.

I’m embarrassed about my country @Aislyn. We welcomed Jewish children before and during the war offering sanctuary and now this? I’m so sorry.

Plenty of British people don’t ‘look’ British. If they are British citizens then they are British.

Im sorry your eldest has experienced racism - I promise not all schools are like that and I really hope the other school can restore your faith.

I wonder why you chose Eastern Europe? People look the same in Eastern European countries as they look in the UK, apart from perhaps slightly different hair and clothing style.

I guess I dont fully understand the whole situation but why cant they name the country you /they are from? People will ask foreigners where they are from, its a basice question and usually it makes no difference what the answer is. I appreciate it must be very hard as you have a different experience with your elder child.

This is a terrible situation and Im so sorry that your children are not being supported.

There were many Polish airmen flying in the RAF in World War II who then settled in the UK.

Could your child say their great grandfather flew with the Polish airmen and settled here? Or perhaps more recently that their grandfather was a leading light in Solidarity in Gdansk and claimed asylum in the UK in the 1980s?

I know it's horrible to lie but it allows them to specify their country of origin without necessarily stating their ethnicity or religion.

Alternatively, and this may be unpalatable, could they claim they have Russian heritage?

I really wish you weren't in this position.

This is, quite frankly, a ridiculous comment.

also quite ridiculous not to read the thread before replying…..

Yes you would. If someone with a Indian or mixed child has said 'help me think of a cover story for their race' you would absolutely get the same comments saying tell them from London, British includes all heritages, this is a bullying problem not a race problem. And that's a good thing because racism should never be condoned!.

I see you’re one of those people.
Yeah, imagine responding to something without reading 12 pages of comments. Shoot me. 🙄

Genuinely shocked at your experiences OP, I’m in Scotland and if a teacher said those things here they would be struck off. I would seriously consider moving schools or areas. They shouldn’t have to lie about their heritage to be accepted.

Well, quite.

My brother in law is routinely catcalled with anti-Semitic garbage in the street in some areas of the UK. And he’s a secular Jew. No Hasidic hat or curls or kippah.

I think making up lies as cover stories is not protecting your child at all, feeling like you're living a lie and worrying that you might be caught out is going to be extremely stressful for a child.

I've never known 11 year olds to be so obsessed with where someone came from that they wanted to know where their grandparents were from. DS's grandparents are foreign but no one has ever interrogated him about it, I'm not sure anyone at Secondary school gave it a second thought or cared beyond knowing where he lived now and where he went to primary school.

I think the traumatic situation around your eldest is understandably making you overthink the situation with your youngest. By all means don't draw attention to the fact that he is Jewish for his safety but coming up with a fake history is a step too far. He is from where ever he was born, and unless that was Israel he doesn't need to lie about it or tell people where his grandparents are from IMO.

Don't instill your fear in him before anything has actually happened. Hopefully he will have a completely different experience to his brother and if he doesn't then hopefully the school will take it very seriously and quickly nip it in the bud.

And I can’t help noticing that any time there’s a thread by a (presumably) Jewish mum on Mumsnet, she gets these “oh no this can’t be the situation” as if someone’s actual experience of anti-Semitic racist bullying is somehow not real.

These sorts of responses anre anti-Semitic in themselves.

I think this is a good idea, Palestinian people are having to flee from a genocide, it would make sense and explain the relocation.

This is ridiculous as London is full of all sort of people, and "British" is definitely not something that can be defined, at least in London.

If by "identifiable" you man they dress in the Orthodox way (like the fashion from the last century Eastern Europe) than I would say there isn't much you can do, it is clearly identifiable no matter where you say you are from. Tone down the clothes a bit, as long as you religion permits?

Can't they say England, as that's where they are now? Or is their accent / English obviously not "local"? I'm so sorry op, this isn't something anyone should have to do in this country, as an adult or a child. The fact this anti semitism is coming from KIDS makes you wonder what they hear at home and so often. If you told my 10 year old you came from an Eastern European country he'd just say "cool". It wouldn't occur to him to associate it with a religion let alone negatively

Nobody 'looks British', it's not a race.
If your child is being abused at school, keep on at the teachers and if necessary inform the police if there is hate speech. That is what needs to change. Creating a 'cover story' isn't going to help.

To add: I'm from Eastern Europe, lived here for 25 years, but if someone annoys me by saying "where are you from" I just say "Hackney". Love the look on their faces. So far, only one person was brave enough to probe further - but did not get far anyway.

a couple of things are converging here that not everyone seems to be aware of :

1. young people in London have an interest in heritage precisely because London is so diverse. They will discuss their backgrounds - as it forms part of their identity. So “I’m from London” just won’t cut it as a response to the question because that’s true of all of them - they’re asking about the generational heritage.
2. anti semitism is on the rise. My son shared his heritage in Y7 to new people. He got told to go to a concentration camp, and kids played music which had Hitler’s voice on the track, etc. the school were blindsided by it. I think it predated Oct 7 and actually people like Kanye have had a big effect and obviously the proud boy’s type internet content.

my youngest is 8 and they’re all proudly chatting about their heritage now - my mums from Jamaica, my dad is French, I’m half Italian etc. it’s innocent at this age and very much encouraged in school.

for the first time ever, and following my older sons experiences, I considered telling my 8 year old to hide his heritage…