Partner moves furniture and doesn't put it back

[boilinthebag]

This is not a big thing but it leads me down a path of not being listened to properly. In our living room is a bay window with a table in it where I often like to sit in the mornings with a coffee or snack. My partner (we are both in our 70s) pulls this table back about a foot into the room in order to pull the curtains at night. He never replaces the table in the place where it normally sits. Same in the morning if it is him who opens them. I have multiple times requested that he pulls the table back in place afterwards. I mean multiple times. So I approach the table with my snack or coffee and I can't sit down before I have to push the table back into place. I absolutely know this sounds so trivial, but it is because he just won't do it! despite asking so many times. It makes me sound very pernickety. However it sort of annoys me at some deep level to come into the room and find the furniture not in the right place! I guess I will get called all variations of 'narrow-minded old henpecker' but hey ho.

It doesn’t belong in any single place.
Your home is a shared space and the table equally belongs where he has left it.
Compromise is both sides bending, not one dictating.

I couldn't get worked up over this. Maybe one day he won't be there and you'll come for your morning coffee and the fact that the table hasn't been moved will be a memory of him and his quirky ways. You might even miss that little table not being out of place.

Furniture has no right place, only the place that the householders agree to put it. Have a friendly chat about how the roon layout works best.

Wait so you have nothing in the windows at all? you lose a lot of heat through the windows, plus people can see in if you live somewhere busy, is this some new trend?

It's a badly designed room or furniture arrangement. He's probably fed up with it.
If it's that important to you that the table is in a certain place, why don't you sort it out before bringing your food through?

You want the table in one place. He wants it in a different place. What makes you right and him wrong?

I’d superglue it into place when he was out

If this is the only source of friction in the relationship, then I would learn to shrug or have a conversation about how you solve the problem together, rather than having this passive-aggressive battle over a table position.

If on the other hand your annoyance at this is a symptom of a bigger incompatibility and simply serves to illustrate his inability to take your wishes and comfort into account more generally, then you have a bigger problem than the table and should be thinking about whether you would be happier long term enjoying your own company and keeping the table and everything else where it brings you joy.

The main issue is that you and he disagree, not his refusal to take on board your request. Not sure why that is what you have got from the responses.

Your house layout is badly designed. There shouldn't be this battle of wills every night and morning.

I found a spoon in the wrong section of the cutlery tray. I KNOW that I didn't put it there.

It's not the first time it has happen either...

I would hate to walk round the table and would hate to have to keep moving it

If its only a foot or so that he drags it out, why cant you just keep it there?

What does he say for his reason for not putting it back, does he disagree that it should be in the window?

How big is the table that he can’t reach over it to draw the curtains?

Well its in a bay window so one assumes its the size of the bay window, you wouldnt be able to reach across that very easily.

I have exactly the same problem with my DH and I feel your pain. I don’t have a solution, sorry but I sympathise

Why don't you do your tricky table curtain and he does the other easy to access curtain? Division of curtain labour is the secret to a happy marriage

It's an issue with bay windows that if you put furniture in the space then you often need to move it to pull the (presumably full length) curtains shut. I can see your annoyance with your partner, he's doing half a job and I'd be annoyed at DH if he did that.

Practical solutions:

1. electric curtains (very expensive for a bay, tell your partner if he doesn't move the table back where it belong you'll need a new curtain track that will cost ££££.
2. blinds for each side of the bay. We have cheap roller blinds in our playroom, they are rubbish and I don't recommend them (nice romans with interlining would be much better but we'll probably get curtains when the kids leave home)
3. Shutters? If you have original ones get them restored. Don't get the naff plantation shutters.
4. Short curtains? Bit easier to close.
5. Shut the curtains yourself
6. table with casters so easier to move

Yes we have a sofa in our bay window.

Hence the curtains are never closed

I put fixed see through blinds on the bottom half of the window. They are never moved either as I cant reach them.

I’m way too invested in this now.

I can see both your issues and think neither of you are wrong.

If the curtains were on a track with a string pulley closure it would solve the problem. You could close both curtains at the same time from the end of the bay. Invest in this for the sake of your relationship!

Come on OP, what type of responses did you expect to get? This is Mumsnet - so 50% of the posters will contort themselves every which way to tell you you’re wrong in expecting your partner to do something as basic as move furniture back where he found it. The other 50% will tell you you’re in an abusive relationship and to LTB.

Personally, I believe that those who cannot hear must be made to feel. Every time he fails to move the table back, move something of his - eg his keys, coat, wallet, remote control. Someone will be along to say that’s petty and they couldn’t abide a tit for tat relationship, but sadly/happily, it works. You can stop talking to a brick wall and he can feel what he cannot hear.

This is insane. From the partner's perspective, the OP is the one who keeps on moving the furniture and never putting it back to where she found it. Perhaps he should start hiding her belongings?

That’s the whole problem, you and the OP are acting like the table and the space is hers and she’s the only one who gets a say in it.

So you have to move the table every time you want to open and close the curtains? That sounds seriously annoying … find another solution.

Could you get a circular saw and cut a foot off around the perimeter of the window-side half of the table top? You may also need to relocate two of the legs further in if it has the classic four-equidistantly-spaced-legs-at-the-edge-of-the-circumference design rather than the central broad pedestal support that is commonly seen with round tables.

That way it wouldn't impede access to get at the curtains at any time, but it also would never intrude any further into the room than it previously did. Win-win!

Or have you considered a small building project to make your bay window larger on the offending side, so the table can fit where you need it to with impeding curtain access. This has the advantage of adding value to your home