I’m getting married later this year, and my two best friends from uni kindly offered to organise my hen. Because all my friends live all over the country, it made sense for it to be a weekend away, but I was very clear that I wanted it to be low‑cost and low‑pressure — basically a cosy girls’ weekend with nice snacks, a long walk, and a big sleepover vibe. No themes, nothing over the top.
I don’t have sisters or any close female relatives. My partner’s sister is 10 years younger, a master’s student, and doesn’t have much money. We’ve always got on well, or so I thought. Before planning started, I asked if she wanted to be included in the hen. I made it clear there was absolutely no pressure — the cost, the timing, and the age gap might all be barriers, and that was totally fine. She said she’d love to be included. I also told my MIL that we could do something separate so SIL didn’t feel left out, like a dinner. The hen location is also very close to ILs so there was the option just to come for part of it
My friends started organising everything and told me they were keeping things low cost, but after a few months they came to me saying they’d had complete radio silence from SIL. She hadn’t replied to the group chat or to any of their polite follow‑ups asking her to confirm whether she was coming. She’s not great at messaging, so at first I wasn’t too surprised, but eventually I messaged her myself. Still nothing.
In the end, my partner called her out in the family chat (which I didn’t agree with). My MIL then rang him to say SIL was ill in bed and that she wasn’t coming because of money, and that we’d do something separate instead. And that part is fine — I completely understand the money situation. What bothered me was that she never told my friends. She just ghosted them, and then got her mum to deliver the message, leaving me to explain everything to the people who were trying to organise something kind for me.
It’s left a bad taste, and I can’t help wondering if the relationship I thought we had was more one‑sided. She’s 24, lives away from home, and I feel like she should be able to communicate directly rather than involving her parents. She is the baby of the family and is quite mollycoddled, but still — it felt rude and really inconsiderate.