AIBU to think rewarding children for high grades is unfair?

[TheLivelyCat]

To think its wrong to reward children for high grades.

I've meet a few people and have seen online people who reward their child if they get top Grades in education. ie if you get a certain mark/grade parents will reward them with a trip, car, or something else big.
As a parent with 2 DDs one working above expected standards and one working towards expected standards, I feel this is unfair as my children who is working towards expected standards is probably working 2x as hard as my child who it naturally comes easier too.

I tend to agree with you, but I think parents set reward systems they feel will work for their DC.
We rewarded effort not results, and done post exams but before results.

You can choose to reward effort of you wish. But you cannot escape that those that do better at things typically get rewarded, whether it is a medal from sport, the lead part in a show is they are good at drama etc. It is for you to encourage your children to be the best they can be and reward appropriately.

I agree, kids should be awarded for hard work and reaching their best potential (whatever that might be for the circumstances)

I absolutely don’t. I bought my dd a present when the exams finished (tickets to a show) for trying her best. Will do the same for DS in a few years time.

Tbh I’d have called any remotely acceptable “trying her best”.

Was a bloody good job I didn’t offer pay for good grades as she’d have bankrupted me with her 10 x 9s! 😂

Edit - this is the same attitude my parents took - a modest gift at the end of exams.

My DS is far less academic (not saying that to be mean, he has dyslexia for one thing) and so doing his best won’t result in the same grades as she got.

The reward for getting good grades is, in my book, having good grades! That’s how hard work is rewarded, with the actual reward.

I agree, rewards should be for effort or something else that is directly controllable.
Academic research shows rewarding/recognising behaviour is more impactful anyway.

You do know you get to choose the reward and the level required to get it for your own DC?

If you want to offer a reward to your DC just set achievable goals for them and crack on! Why is it unfair for someone else’s kid to get a car for an A when you could buy a car for a B?

Oh dear god, why is it UNFAIR if other parents choose to do something?

what is UNFAIR about it that affects you?

hint: nothing.

reward (or don't) your own children as per your own values/choices & leave others to do the same.

Personally rewarded for attitude & effort but if Jane blogs rewarded for results it made NO difference to us.

It's not something I would do, mainly because what happens if a child has worked really hard but still didn't do well in the exam? Not giving them a reward feels like really rubbing it in that they didn't do well.

We rewarded exam results financially, per GCSE.

Then for all A grades at A level the offer was a decent car.

If you don’t want to because it seems unfair because you have a disparity with what your children can achieve then that’s your moral choice. I mean you could reward for predicted grades which is the level the teachers think is achievable.

It's not something I would do, mainly because what happens if a child has worked really hard but still didn't do well in the exam? Not giving them a reward feels like really rubbing it in that they didn't do well.

Rewarding effort is key but something to remember is that academics id listen the only area we say this in. If you work hard at your musical instrument but are beaten by others then you’re not getting in the show. For some reason we’re much more likely to be disturbed by this when it comes to academics. Kids who are academic deserve to receive awards for their success just as much as sorry kids or musical kids. We’re often inclined to play down academic achievements while announcing sporting outcomes. It can be quite unfair
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Fair enough. But still not unfair to you if others choose to reward something you don’t choose to reward!

I rewarded dance & music exams with the following:
if you get a Pass we’re quits.
if you get a Merit, you receive half the exam fee as your reward.
if you get a Distinction, you get the exam fee as a reward.
if you fail, you owe me the fee.
it most certainly focused the minds, notably with their attitude to practising scales.
It cost me a bloody fortune but between them they have some impressive grade exam results .

I didn't say it was unfair to me.

i do think every parent/ parents can make their own decisions about what to do though!

If my dc said to me “X gets rewarded per grade” I’d just say “we don’t do that in this family”

I don’t pull out those kind of “no discussion” statements often so when I do, they know I mean it.

But the reward for academics is the grades in themselves which go on to open more doors and opportunities than lower grades.

In this house it’s - if you pass/ get whatever grading, you get the certificate 😂

Have never thought to reward their music or drama grades in my life!

That sounds very transactional.

All dc are different. If you have a dc capable of 8s and 9s but isn’t bothering, then a reward might encourage them to knuckle down. If they’re no where near that ability then there’s no point. I think different dc need different parenting and parents know their own dc.

It depends. In general I think best to reward effort rather than attainment. My DD doesn’t get rewarded for routinely doing well at the things she finds easy. I did reward her for putting in some hard yards in a subject she found very hard.

You don’t want to set expectations that a reward will be automatic on reaching a certain metric as you risk getting into an arms race where they seek constant rewards for stuff that should be default.

But every now and then it doesn’t hurt to show them the link between hard work and success.

Why would you not just choose your own level to reward your DC, if you want to reward them at all. DC who is capable of getting an A gets rewarded for an A; DC whose ceiling is a C gets rewarded for a C.

But you don't have to link treats to specific outcomes. Nothing wrong with giving them a present 'for working hard' .

We do. My Y6 gets something every term for good grades. I don’t see what this has to do with anyone else??

I always rewarded effort over results.

I'll never forget the kid up the road getting promised a holiday if they passed the 11+, and then failing. Double disappointment. They were so heartbroken that their parents took them anyway, which I understand... but it did kind of defeat the point!
I think either reward the effort or do a surprise congratulations gift once the results are in.