AIBU to think rewarding children for high grades is unfair?

[TheLivelyCat]

To think its wrong to reward children for high grades.

I've meet a few people and have seen online people who reward their child if they get top Grades in education. ie if you get a certain mark/grade parents will reward them with a trip, car, or something else big.
As a parent with 2 DDs one working above expected standards and one working towards expected standards, I feel this is unfair as my children who is working towards expected standards is probably working 2x as hard as my child who it naturally comes easier too.

I don’t explicitly reward
for grades because my child already puts enough pressure on herself.

i don’t think there is anything wrong with a parent offering an incentive of it will help their child. Society rewards excellence in other areas. A distinct reward for academics isn’t going to do any more harm than a trophy for sport.

My dad said he would give me £100 for every A and A star I got. I achieved all A’s and A stars I in the end, but I would have even without the financial incentive because i was naturally academic and pretty motivated to do well.

DS isn’t super academic, so to encourage him studying, we told him we’d give him £100 for every grade that met his predicted grades. He got above all of his predicted grades in the end, but he certainly wouldn’t have without the incentive because he wasn’t as motivated as I was.

I don’t think it’s unfair.

I have always rewarded for them hitting their targets, their targets are both very different, one was very bright (now gone through uni) the other has severe SEN’s and is in specialist provision. Dd2’s targets maybe learning to cross a road whilst her sisters may have been getting a A in an exam.

It’s fine to reward, what isn’t fine is only rewarding those who are very high academic achievers. Because like you say….it’s more about how hard they are trying.

My parents did this. Money for As but nothing for anything less! Because they knew we could get As, but both me and my sister did well at school so they knew they weren’t being fair to one or the other. We both got straight As, but I would have been gutted if I didn’t regardless of any money, that was a nice bonus. I got money when I finished my degree as well but they didn’t tell me it would happen I found out afterward, and that was nice. My dad worked his arse off to come from nothing and wanted us to succeed, so I can’t blame him for wanting to motivate and reward us doing well.

My first job was an apprentice Travel Agent at Lunn Poly. For every sale I made, I earned commission- the more valuable the booking, the more commission I earned.

I then was a sales agent in a call centre. The more sales I made, the more commission I earned.

My current job I get a performance bonus every year. It’s a lot of money. I find the job easy, I still get the bonus.

Were those commissions/bonus’ wrong?

I will reward my son, for his performance. Sometimes in life, reward, particularly monetary is an excellent motivator and if money motivates my son to achieve then so be it. Money certainly motivates me! And thats half the battle with teens isn’t it? Motivation?

I rewarded my children for the effort they put in, not the results.
Both my children studied so hard for their GCSEs and A levels.

I hate to break it to you, but this is how the real world works. You don’t get participation trophies or working twice as hard as everyone else to meet the same outcomes awards.

You, of course, can reward whatever you want. Our secondary school one gets cash if she gets no negative behaviour points or detentions. It works. In 2 years, she’s gotten 1 negative point ever - for rolling up her skirt and it lost her £40. Hasn’t happened again! But the real world rewards people who produce results and that is part of life. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to teach.

Why do people get so upset about things other parents do with their children? It doesn’t affect you, it’s nothing to do with you.

I agree with you op. I have one very capable child and one really below expected level. I can’t reward the capable child without upsetting the one who tried harder but is just not gifted that way. I reward effort instead.

I remember a kid in my class who was average/below average whos father paid him by the hours to revise for GCSEs. He came out with really good grades! If I could afford to do that I so would it’s the effort being rewarded not the end grade and similar to work being paid by the hour like that

Does he know that if he does well he’s more likely to get a job that pays more money?

I mean with everything else being equal, him being otherwise the same person with the same other skills. Not saying those who do better in exams always earn more, but the same person with better grades should do better than themselves with lower grades.

It’s not how the real world works though. In the real world, you don’t get an extra reward from your parents as well as the thing you’ve worked for. You just get the thing you worked for.

So any parental rewards are outside of “the real world” really - whether based on grades or effort. Except they’re not, because everything that happens, happens in the real world.

The problem is how do you measure effort? With your average teen if you combine it with their ability levels and current attainment the outcome is actually the easiest way to measure the effort.

Following mock grades mainly in the 6 ro 8 range financial rewards are starting at a 7 for DD this summer and going upwards from there. The more effort she puts in the higher her grades will be and the more cash she will get.

If her mock grades were mainly 5s, the cash would probably be starting from a 6 instead. Targets need to be aspirational but achievable with hard work.

How is other people rewarding their kids unfair on yours? You reward them relative to their own potential, if one of your DC has higher ability than the other you reward them relative to their own abilities. How is this even an issue?

I rewarded my kids for working hard for their GCSEs and A levels. I don’t see why it’s anyone else’s business.

Yes I wonder that

The reward is the grade. We definitely won’t be ‘paying’ for GCSE grades when the time comes. At my school it’s very common for parents to pay for grades. For example, £100 for every grade 7 etc. Ours get a small treat like a takeaway of their choice when we get reports but this is based on their Attitude To Learning grade (effort and behaviour) not results. They’re both very able so results are always good, but they wouldn’t get a treat if their ATL was poor.

I think it’s probably that they couldn’t afford to do the same for their own children. So their children feel left out. Or that it seems to be aimed at high achievers, which their children are not.

My DD worked extremely hard for her A stars. My son could have worked as hard but he would not have got the same result. Grades are great but they are not the only measure of success. So reward effort (not that my son put in much effort at all in school, but he is at the job he’s doing) and rejoice in whatever successes they have.

My DS has a financial incentive to pass his GCSE’s, because I love him but he’s a lazy fecker despite being reasonably academically able. He would rather put in no effort and get a bunch of 4’s than put in a bit more effort and get 6’s and 7’s. It’s all very well saying the good grades are the reward but he’s a 16 year old boy and his brain just doesn’t work that way. So if I have to pay him £50 for every grade over 6 he gets then I will. Because that’s what works for my kid.

It’s the parents deciding what the rewards are though. Right.

I know my eldest is capable of 9s in the majority of her GCSEs.

She’s very academic and most things come easy to her.

I know that the most likely barrier to her achieving the grades she capable of is her not doing enough revision.

So I’m very happy to put a £ value to each 8/9 grade if that’s what it takes for her to knuckle down for the final push.

Also, maybe unsurprisingly, she is not a fan of most sports. So I’m happy to reward her just for showing up and getting stuck in.

I recognise what her best looks like, and that’s what I reward. Just because that’s top academic grades doesn’t mean we don’t celebrate achievements in other areas that aren’t exceptional.

But that’s like anything in life. You explain what you think to your children, and why you parent the way you do. You don’t expect others to change their behaviour to make your life easier.

Of course it's not 'wrong.' Don't do it if you don't want to. No-one is forcing you to.

But then again why shouldn't they. ? Often the bright kids are ignored in schools as they are trying to bring the lower levels up, The " working towards" kids will get more attention at school. Similar to the kids who get rewards for behaving like a normal human rather than being disruptive

Just because a child is bright doesn't mean they shouldn't get recognized and reward for it

@OnlyMabelInTheBuilding I was only offering a suggestion as to why I think people care so much. I’m not much bothered what others do.

Of course children should be rewarded for success.