It’s a DP unreasonable one…..

[chellewillnotbebeaten]

So, DP says he might be going out to eat this evening, mid afternoon says he’s not sure but might. Anyway, I crack on with the usual, washing, cleaning, bathing dd, sorting her tea etc….. he’s laid on bed and asks what’s for tea. I said I wasn’t planning anything actually seen as you said you might be going out, thought you probably would.
launch massive rant about why didn’t I just say I wasn’t cooking, I shouldn’t be so selfish, I only think of myself etc….. lots of stomping around and eventually says well I’ll have to go out now……
I just carried on fold the washing from the dryer…… 🤣
surely this is HIM being unreasonable 🤣 surely my cooking a meal or not should not dictate if he has to go out or not …..
RANT over 🤣
SO…..
YABU - cook for the poor bloke woman!
or
YANBU - you are not his maid

Why are the nursery fees all on you?

I’m hoping your debt isn’t due to being on maternity leave and some weird arrangement where you still shares bills, or you had to pay for everything for dd!

Your expectations are far too low. Show your dd that you deserve to be treated better by telling him to buck up or leave. Sorry, but most decent men are not like this.

Do you think you may be on steraline because he is making you miserable.

And no it’s not men. I don’t earn anything and DH has never thrown a tantrum if I hadn’t cooked dinner. Also sorted mothers day out, also never ever said anything to do with being nice to me is a waste of money.

He is a deeply unpleasant overgrown child.

....paying for nursery fees and paying of credit cards and getting dd everything she needs....

Hiw much does he contribute to nursery and dd expenses? Should be 50 50

Also what do you mean debt, nursery fees and DD’s costs. Whats the financial set up here because this is making him sound like a total wanker.

Why are you covering all the nursery fees when she's his child too?

I've discovered through my relationships that the single most important thing is kindness. He doesn't sound kind or caring. I'm sorry. It doesn't matter if he thinks Mother's Day is a marketing scam (there is something to that view), the important thing is that you don't, and making an effort for you and with your DD would be the kind thing to do. I hope this is a one-off and you receive the kindness you deserve in your life and relationship.

Is this man mad!?

He's lying around while you're running the house (on Mother's Day of all days) and he has the audacity to throw a fit because of his indecision about going out to eat.

No. Just no.

Why are you paying all nursery fees? He's your daughter's parent too

bad times with mental health and my debts

For me, this changes things. My dh was a gambling addict 10 years ago and it very nearly broke us. Are you still being wishy washy with cash?

Did you not see the OP is paying ALL of the nursery fees and costs associated with their joint child? You have no idea how her debts came about, but I direct it’s because her abusive twat of a husband is financially abusing her - makes it hard to leave the twat when she has no money left.

Okay, his opinion on MD being a money-making scam he can get away with but he can still respect you enough to cook his own dinner on MD as a treat for you which doesn’t involve spending extra money.

You also ended your post with, men eh?

This is selling yourself short. You’re with an arsehole. And no, not all men are like this.

No, not men. It should be irrelevant what he thinks of Mother’s Day if YOU’D like him to treat you- and frankly since he sounds like a complete dick I don’t think he doesn’t believe in Mother’s Day he just doesn’t believe in giving a shit about the wife of his kids.
How much of your needing to take sertraline is due to having to live with him, rather than a purely chemical depression?

Yes indeed he doesn’t support you financially if he regards his child’s costs as yours!

Another day, another useless fucking shitbag man.

How I got in debt is not relevant here really, doesn’t change the fact the man can cook his own dinner - my past mistakes should not make me a slave to the kitchen for his sake. As it happens my debts are a combination of things some of which have been when I’ve spent unwisely during periods of times my mental health was at rock bottom but it also stems from years of rising rent costs, cost of living going up, car maintenance which is essential for my job, mat leave etc…… I’m now burdened with crippling interest rates which is making things worse.

With regard the nursery fees yes it all lands on me now but it was in fairness something we agreed to as a way of splitting finances but situations change and I’m landed with it. I pay 50% all other living costs and he does pick up extra for things like when the leccy/gas is unusually high.

Thank you for all the reassuring comments that I am not being unreasonable.
I didn’t really intend to turn this thread into an analysis of my dyer finances.
Part of what I have learnt through therapy recently is to be more assertive (in general not just with him) and not take on everything myself.
Therefore I stood my ground with not getting a meal ready last night and let him go off out in a strop - and I’m quite proud of myself for doing that!
I was quite happy with avocado on toast that didn’t involve turning the oven on and creating lots of washing up 🤣
In answer to the question of am I on sertraline because HE makes me miserable, well definitely not entirely but it has been a contribution.
I was 99% sure it wasn’t me being unreasonable but I do struggle with what is acceptable when it comes to a male/female partnership with regard to running a home and raising a child - I struggle with expectations/wishes/rose tinted glasses of what I want it to be vs. reality. This is due to a very difficult not ‘normal’ upbringing.

HOWEVER - the man could have made beans on toast and I didn’t need to be shouted at/treated that way cos I didn’t plan an evening meal for once!
I realise I’m answering my own question but ladies you have reassured me and the morning light has me feeling satisfied with my actions and not guilty 🙌🏻

And for what it’s worth he often comes home from gym on his days off around lunch time and makes himself steak and rice and veg, quite elaborate lunches in my opinion so he’s not useless in the kitchen, better cook than me Infact! Although that’s not hard haha. My lunches usually either don’t exist or it’s a quick slice of cheese between a couple slices of bread whilst at work 🤣

You pay for all the nursery fees - did you conceive by telepathy? Jeez, for this alone I wouldn't be cooking for the sulky brat ever again. I really feel for you OP, you deserve much better than this, and I bet your mental health would significantly improve without this dead weight dragging you down.