To ask if anybody actually enjoys parenting toddlers?

[huk]

Does anyone actually enjoy parenting toddlers? I’m actually miserable because of my toddlers behaviour, which isn’t me trying to ‘blame’ them; the responsibility for the behaviour ultimately lies with me but the crying and whining and screaming and inability to reason with them is just getting to me. I feel absolutely trapped in a screaming prison.

Nope. Hated it. Thousand times worse than having teens. It does end though, even though it feels like torture when you’re in it!

It really does, feels like absolute torture.

I definitely didn’t enjoy it but there were nice bits.
Would really recommend Phillipa perrys the book you wish your parents had read, I found it very helpful in those seemingly unending days!

Its a good thing theyre cute because oh my god its awful

I enjoyed it on the whole but there were a great many aspects I very much disliked. They're just bloody hard at that age.

And I wouldn't say responsibility necessarily lies with you either. There are things you can manage to an extent, so yes it is up to you to make sure you remove them from somewhere before they get overtired, for example. But there are times and aspects where there's just nothing you can do. Toddlers gonna toddler.

I saw an interview with her about it which really put me off, to be honest. She suggested sitting down on the pavement next to a toddler who refused to walk and look at the leaves, or something. I suppose it could work if you have one child and don’t work. Maybe that’s unfair and the rest is better.

Yes there was a bit of that sort of thing wasn’t there. The main thing I got from it was if your toddler is freaking out, there’s no point trying to argue them out of it. Now in the example like you mentioned with a toddler if I am on my own and have time I might crouch next to her and try and redirect her attention to eg a seagull on a roof etc (which I guess was what she meant) OR just hoik her up and get out of there. But I won’t waste time arguing/yelling or make it a confrontation.

I still do yell occasionally but tend to save it for when she’s fucking off towards traffic. 😂

I think my problem is that my toddler is sharp enough to know when I’m trying to distract and it makes them even angrier. To be fair it did work sometimes with dc1 (I once saw a tractor when a tantrum was building and I was so so happy 🤣) but it doesn’t seem to work at all with this one.

Nope, I think I enjoy moments like when we cuddle in his bed at night or when he says he loves me. But the majority of the time everything is a battle or him asserting his independence. It’s relentless!
I thought having a newborn was hard, but I have a 3 year old and a baby and can now say that the newborn stage was horrid but easier aha. Toddlers are just insane. There is no reasoning with him.
Behaviour is one thing but don’t get me started on his eating - that’s a whole other battle!
Often feels like I’m parenting him completely wrong, but also have no idea how else to handle him. A very tricky phase.

Eating is just beyond dire here. We regularly have long periods of starvation. Today, toddler has had

two pieces of ham
a mouthful of scrambled egg

yesterday had half a banana all day; that’s it.

Yes I loved it! Babies and toddlers were my favourite stage, if people didn’t enjoy it they wouldn’t have more? I would actually like one more kid just to experience the cute baby toddler stage again but then they grow up so nope! Won’t be having any more. Actually I just wish mine were small again.

I thought it was so much better than the newborn or non-verbal, non-mobile small baby stage that I happily embraced even the worst bits.

DS being actually able to tell me what was wrong rather than me desperately trying to interpret different types of crying at 3 am was absolutely worth the frozen food aisle tantrums and taking an hour to walk a hundred yards to the post office because each puddle needed to be jumped into multiple times.

I so sympathise with this. I don't know anyone else whose 3 year old is as difficult to feed as mine. He does eat beautifully 3 days a week at childcare. At home he will not eat fruit, vegetables, meat, or eggs. He used to love pasta and now even refuses that 🫠

It's all just a phase... rocks in corner...

Distraction never worked with either of mine either. Once they were at meltdown stage, the only way out was through. But they get through it a whole lot quicker when you're not impatient/annoyed/stressed by it and just let them get on with it. I've enjoyed the toddler stage with DC2, didn't at all with DC1 but I think that was largely because I hadn't learnt the art of staying calm while they vent their feelings on me. Still don't manage it 100% but when I do it's actually at least 80% enjoyable.

I actually enjoyed the toddler stage. I loved witnessing them beginning to talk and learn about the world.
I found ages 8 to teenage much more difficult

I adore it BUT this is only because the development of my first child was atypical and we had years of anxiety wondering whether he had both physical or mental developmental delays. Thankfully this has all come good and he’s averaged out at five but it has meant that every tantrum and unreasonable request just brings me joy because it means my second is ok. If I hadn’t had the experiences I had with my first I’m sure the theatrical rolling around and kicking because I’ve said that grass is in fact green not blue would drive me insane 😂

I think it is very child dependent and there's no blanket rule "toddlers are terrible"! Mine are really cool I'm afraid. I'm not claiming to have done anything to have achieved this! They are naturally chilled, and to be fair me and DH are both like this also so maybe it's genetic.

They eat everything eagerly, are sometimes naughty but mostly well behaved, have never had a tantrum, and they could be reasoned with from as soon as they understood language properly.

I fully expect to have horrendous teenagers!!

Loved the age and actually have fond memories of them being small. It IS hard but the lovely moments for me definately outweighed the tough times. Toddlers can be so funny and adorable too! I used to find so many adults telling me 'I miss those days' when we were out and about. I did feel at the time that they had forgotton the tantrums and maybe I have now ! I did enjoy the age more than I am now with teens thats for sure.

yes this is how I feel I really haven’t enjoyed the teen years and mine aren’t even bad teens.

I want to reach out because your post means a lot to me. I suggest that it is not the toddler stage so much that you dislike, it is the attitudes of others that goes with it is the hardest part. If people were a little more realistic as to what a toddler is actually like and other people and other mothers included were less judgemental then it would go along way.

My 2.4 year old is a normal healthy little boy, but so far in his short little life, I have had endless stares and tuts over the slightest little thing. So called professional people such as nannies that should really know better have been the worst. I have developed anxiety and yes I am really down about it. But what pulls me through is that I have an 8 year old dd and I went through the exact same thing with her and life couldn't be anymore different where she is concerned. If this is your first baby it is hard to see past this stage. I expect most of your frustration stems from the judgment of others. It boggles my mind that society has set such high standards of behaviour for a toddler, but in primary schools children are getting away with so much because teachers are very limited as to what they can do. I feel toddlers are a scapegoat as they are the only age rage in children that people feel they can get annoyed at. It literally makes no sense!

I loved it . They grow so fast and now those years are behind me .
I was firm but fair - none of this gentle parenting waffle you see nowadays . Toddlers need boundaries and then they’re much better I think .

Yanbu, I think the vast majority of toddlers are extremely difficult. For both of mine, I think the worst behaviour was 12-24 months and then it got a bit better.

It's just impossible not to get infuriated when a toddler wants the blue cup ARGH NOT THE RED ONE AAARGH. Especially when it was the red one they wanted yesterday so I made sure to pack it today. The colour of the cup doesn't affect the drink inside, you unreasonable tyrant?! And when this happens 20× a day with totally random things...

However, both of mine got a lot more reasonable once they turned 2.

One thing that is still ongoing is they both want to press the traffic light button or the lift button, and my eldest is at the ripe old age of 5 and is quite reasonable in other respects. Just why? Adults don't care who presses the button. At what age do children stop caring about pressing the button?!

It's the worst. I regularly end up crying by the end of the day.

I think some people just have 'easier' toddlers, so they can't or don't understand what we mean when we are really struggling. My toddler will ocassionally have periods of good behaviour and wow life is so much better. (I say easier but I'm sure those parents have a different difficulty, I can understand that!)

Other times he just doesnt listen for days on end and it is torture.

I'm with you OP.

Toddlers are wonderful. I love their chat and their unique views on things. Mine were full of fun and curiosity. We went to loads of different places when they were that age and had great days out. They're a joy.

By complete luck, our toddlers were really easy. We loved this stage.

Conversely, we looked after our toddler nephew for a weekend and he was an irrational, whiny little pain in the arse. It was a shock to us.