Urgh, pervy work colleague for a change

[Cheeseandvinegaronchips]

Left a job around 6 months ago, stayed in touch with the group via a WhatsApp group, some more than others. There was a man I got on with, spoke to him around once a month on average on WhatsApp since I left, just about the job mainly and he told me about new developments in the company and so on, him ranting about the job and wanting to leave.
Whilst working at the company I knew he had a partner and young kids and he knew I was with someone. I thought once a month talking about work only was harmless.

I've just had a message saying 'You're gorgeous btw ;) xxx' I've told him that's inappropriate, I do not appreciate it and block.

Maybe blocking was an overreaction but he is not a close/long time friend. I am fed up with this, did I do something wrong? We only spoke about the job. It's just vile.

It's not an excuse though. No more than one bad experience with a blonde haired person would be an acceptable excuse for prejudice against all blondes.

I'd expect my husband to pull up ANY man peddling the misogynistic pish that 'all women are the same'. Why would I not hold myself to the same standard? I've got amazing men in my life (my Dad, my Husband, my Nephews, my Cousins), I could never imagine myself derisorily saying that all men are the same. Because they're not. Indeed most of them are decent.

Sure but I don't know why you picked on my comment to make that point. There are the sorts of comments on Mumsnet and some on this thread that you would expect from incels. You can't draw any inference from my comment that all men are like that. I suggest you go ahead and challenge people making what you deem to be unacceptable comments instead.

What’s weird is that you were still talking about a job that you didn’t do. He was confused too and thought you must ‘like’ him.

Yeah I know right, how weird to talk to former colleagues who does that??? Ha

Nobody is saying it’s a good idea for a married person to flirt with another married person.

We’re simply pointing out that calling it sexual harassment and talking about reporting it is utterly absurd because he isn’t a colleague and it isn’t harassment.

Literally all that’s happened is that a friend said something you didn’t like. By blocking him, you have correctly made your feelings clear and dealt with the problem.

That should have been the sum total of your reaction, not this disproportionate angst. You’re acting like he whipped his cock out in the office lifts.

Yes, it’s weird still talking about a job you no longer do to ex-colleagues. Not so weird if you were chatting about other things, things in common, and planned to meet as friends.

Anyway, he only said you were beautiful. Chill-out.

How is that pervy?

I didn't know once I'd left a role i was forbidden to discuss it ever again. He didn't only say I was beautiful, he went against his wife's back and disrespected my partner. So no I won't be 'chilling out' .

As already mentioned upthread, I've never said anywhere i was going to report him.

He was trying his luck. Awful person to do this.

But maybe think before keeping in touch with men after you have no reason too unless you were very close friends previously and YOUR partner was aware of this friendship.

I intended to forget this thread but I had to say something to some of these nutty replies.

I left a role, I am allowed to ask about former team members, management, developments etc. And give advice to someone if they are struggling in the role or applying for new jobs. I don't know what kind of sheltered lives some of you must have to decide this is so odd, as if once you leave a role or company you must never discuss it again with anyone.

You are jumping on the 'omg, he only flirted with you!! He only paid you a compliment, jeez!!'. You are missing the point that he is married and I am with someone too. Therefore it's disrespectful and inappropriate.

You are allowed to communicate with a man without being interested, women should not be fair game because they've dared to interact with a male. It's ridiculous and sad that women are being blamed here.

It’s fairly nutty to call someone pervy for what he did, to be fair. It may be inappropriate but one message doesn’t make him a perv!

OP I think most people aren't surprised about this like you are.

Unfortunately when Men make contact with women when they don't need to, e.g. after leaving a workplace, it often does stem from them finding you attractive or hoping for something more or reading too much into your contact and thinking you must fancy them. Typical male behaviour.

Surprised that you're surprised.

Maybe he was taking the piss?

Nobody is saying it was ‘appropriate’ for a married man to attempt flirtation with a married woman.

They’re saying that calling it ‘pervy’, and acting as if you’ve been harassed or abused in some way and starting a ranty thread about it, is very OTT. It’s not something to dwell on. You blocked him - correctly - at which point it becomes a non-issue.

He’s disloyal to his wife, sure. He isn’t ‘pervy’. You’re acting like you’re the wronged party in this. You aren’t.

Not at all, but if you keep chatting with a man for no apparent reason you run the risk of him thinking you are flirting. I’m not sure why I’m having to explain this to you OP.

Im not sure either, nobody asked you to.

Oh sorry, I thought you posted here asking for input on the situation.

Wow this one’s still going. OP have you gotten over the horrifying incident or are we still channeling energy into a simple sentence from a chancing would be fling/ admirer?

It's a non event though. Why are you making such a big deal out of it?

I never understand how on posts like this so many people take the man’s side. I’d feel exactly the same as you OP. It would never had happened if your ex colleague was a woman, he probably was feeling horny at the time. It’s disgusting and disappointing.

Show me one poster who has taken the man's side. What side?

people seem to be siding with the man because OP went overboard. None of us would want to be hit on by some random guy we worked with- but we’d say ‘no thanks, not interested’ and keep it moving, not act like it’s harassment and accusing him of perversion. There is nothing more to be done here!

And the fact that he’s married is irrelevant- op would have the exact same complaint if he was single (fine), but don’t try to guilt people into agreeing with you by repeatedly stating it.

Nobody’s taking the man’s side. They’re saying ‘Yes, he made an unwelcome attempt at instigating extramarital flirting, which makes him a bit of a twat, but the OP’s reaction to this is ridiculously melodramatic in response to a non-shocking and inconsequential event’.

If I want to block, that's up to me. Nowhere have I said I'd report him or it's sexual harassment, but people are jumping on that. He met my partner a few months ago and he is married. If there is a very, very small chance that we're both suddenly single a few months later in his head, he's not even tried to find out if I am or gone the right way about it. I last spoke to him to help him with a personal statement and he's taken that as oh she must fancy me. He's a creep and I want nothing further to do with him.