Urgh, pervy work colleague for a change

[Cheeseandvinegaronchips]

Left a job around 6 months ago, stayed in touch with the group via a WhatsApp group, some more than others. There was a man I got on with, spoke to him around once a month on average on WhatsApp since I left, just about the job mainly and he told me about new developments in the company and so on, him ranting about the job and wanting to leave.
Whilst working at the company I knew he had a partner and young kids and he knew I was with someone. I thought once a month talking about work only was harmless.

I've just had a message saying 'You're gorgeous btw ;) xxx' I've told him that's inappropriate, I do not appreciate it and block.

Maybe blocking was an overreaction but he is not a close/long time friend. I am fed up with this, did I do something wrong? We only spoke about the job. It's just vile.

I said normalised misandry is shameful, it was an observation about attitudes on MN in general. I thought that was clear.

Yes by chatting with him you were running the risk of him thinking you were interested. Your respective marital statuses has nothing to do with it because men (and women) cheat. I’m not really sure why you’re so surprised and outraged.

Sorry, I am half asleep still and misread it!

If both are not are not single def not good

If a female friend said you were looking gorgeous, how would that make you feel?

So I must never communicate with a male unless essential, because the poor mites may think I'm interested.

I didn't say I was going to report for SH or anything. A poster did and I questioned whether that would even be possible given I've left.

He tried to hit on you.

You declined.
Unless he has continuously harassed you, move on and forget about it

Establishing and maintaining a new friendship with a man may culminate in him thinking you are interested in more than friendship. As has been pointed out to you, it's exactly how lots of affairs commence. It doesn't mean all men are 'poor mites' any more than all women are 'poor mites'.

So even if both parties are married/in a relationship. It's on him to control his behaviour.

You're allowed to feel disappointed in him, insulted even. Anger and disgust though (and consideration of action against him), at what was no more than a flirty comment, is entirely excessive.

His message was unwelcome and you of course were right to block if you weren’t happy.

But calling him pervy does seem a slight overreaction unless he’s sending you dick pics or dirty messages.

Even if you still worked together, the other poster’s suggestion of accusing him of sexual harassment is ludicrous.

He acted like a twat, you blocked him. Sorted.

I’ve had a few different experiences of this with colleagues during my younger years when I was in a committed relationship. Most were married or had long term partners. I think it’s fairly normal but definitely not something I condone! I always rebuffed and carried on as if it never happened, it was never a big deal.

I'm noticing a very casual attitude to affairs here, which is quite worrying.

Ffs get off your moral high horse. He paid you a compliment, it was unwelcome. Move on.

I’m confused, your next post said he may be single and might have thought you now were?

Wonder what his wife would make of that.

What's that got to do with you?

This thread is nuts, I'm moving on from it now. If it were your husband you'd be in uproar.

He’s not a colleague if you don’t work in the same place 🙈. He’s a guy you kept in touch with who hit on you. Just tell him a family man should not be telling other women they look gorgeous.

He's not a perve, he's a sleaze.

Or maybe he's not if (as you suggested earlier) he could now be single.

Married men will hit on you during your life. (Not all married men etc. etc.) I would reply "Oh, Dave. I'm so disappointed in you." Then block.

Unfortunately numerous men are utterly appalling and some of them are appalling on the internet and this site attracts some of them to tell women off. The hatred towards appalling men is fully justified.

I think you are just not reading what people are actually saying because they think you have overreacted.

That's not what I meant though.
It's the oft asserted 'they're all the same' that is unacceptable.
I realise there are a lot of bitter men polluting the internet, there are also a lot of bitter women.

I wonder if there may be a link?