AIBU to expect my partner to pay more towards bills?

[CheekyChips44]

Hello all. This is my first post and I’m hoping you can offer some advice.

I’ve been living with my DP for 4 years now. I’m currently 23 weeks pregnant with my 2nd DC. We live together, in a house I own and bought long before we got together.

This is the issue. As it is “my house” DP will contribute what I feel is not a lot financially. He says it’s because if we split up then he’d be left with nothing and he won’t pay my mortgage. I have never asked him to do that and I know it is fully my responsibility. He gives me £600 a month- which sounds a lot but that just about covers DS nursery fees so I can work full time. It barely touches any household bills or food. I have a senior position in my job and do earn decent money but once everything is paid, I’m not left with a lot.

Of course the logical step would be to buy somewhere together. Not an option, as he is in loads of debt, has a shit credit rating and is paying off 10 credit cards (no, I’m not exaggerating) with the APR on them creeping up. A mortgage advisor did suggest we could get somewhere together if I took some equity out of my house to pay off his debt! I refused and now he’s being awful to me. He says he can only give me 600 as he is paying back the cards, and his dad who is also owes thousands to.

He’s refusing to help me out with money while I’m on maternity leave. He’ll give me the £600 he usually does and says it’s my problem if the bills don’t get paid. I’m trying to cut back as much as I can and buy what I need before the baby comes. My DS will spend fewer days at nursery so that will help

I’m fed up of buying food and him helping himself to it. And swanning round like he fucking owns the place! He earns good money but it’s irrelevant when you are in so much debt. And it’s worth noting that out of that 600 is a £62 phone contract for him that is in my name. I’m guessing my question is, what is a reasonable and fair amount to charge the father of your children to live in your house? Am I the one being unfair? What would be a fair amount?

Half all bills. Half all expenses. Rent on top. The £600 he is paying is low for rent let alone those other things

put it to him this way, how much would he be paying if he was living elsewhere? That’s the baseline of what he should be paying you for rent. You would likely drop it a bit but the half if all expenses on top

My concern is, even though it's your house, surely as your are living together he could claim half.
Please protect youself xx

How?

Speak to a solicitor @CheekyChips44 and charge the absolute wanker rent too.

Why are there so many women who settle for men like this? Op I know the second baby is already on it's way but you surely must have know before you got pregnant what he is like and that things aren't going to change?
Who on earth is going to pay for a second lot of childcare costs when the time comes? You would be better off without him and his measley contribution.

Why would you have a child with such a person?

I honestly don’t even understand how you’re not pregnant with him barely contributing to bills.
Is the other child his?
Even if you agree he doesn’t pay towards the mortgage so it remains in your name he’s still on the hook for half the council tax, food bill, energy, internet and childcare. There’s no way that’s £600.

You need to change your own mindset here, hes not paying more because you’re on mat leave soon, he needs to pay towards life fairly.

Get rid of him now, he will only ever exploit you.

He has it cushty and he knows it!
you need to put your foot down.
lay out all costs- bills, food, kid’s stuff and childcare. Then split down the middle.
That is what he should be paying.

I bet if you split and he had to pay CMS it wouldn’t be far off and you would have half the food bills too!

Because they are fair minded people who naively assume that others are likewise.

Sorry, how exactly is he a partner, other than facilitating production of a child! Why tolerate this abuse and your misuse, stop it now!

No its not - its because, for what ever reason, they don’t believe they deserve better.

Jesus there’s nobody alive who can spend £600 only and get full bed and board and bills and childcare 😳

Pay your mortgage yourself for your own sake, split everything else down the middle!

Fuck me.

He saw you coming didn't he.

Up to his eyeballs in debt and he has the nerve to get shirty at the prospect of a) paying his own way and b) paying extra to cover your drop in income for maternity leave.

What exactly attracted you to this selfish manchild OP? Because I'm not seeing it.

He needs to shape up or ship out because at the moment YOU ARE PAYING HIM to be in a relationship with you.

Yeah, that too.

If you kicked him out you would probably save money. You would get a single person discount on your council tax for a start.
Why is his mobile contract in your name. Can you stop that, if not, can you take the phone that you are paying for?

I very rarely comment on these posts but… Christ…. Get rid, you’d be better off. He would rather see his family have bailiffs around because you can’t pay the bills ‘your problem’ than contribute a fair amount to his kids! Fuck me!

Is your eldest his child? If so I think he should be paying half bills and half other household expenses, food etc and half the nursery fees.

If your eldest child is not his then that's possibly a bit different in terms of him paying for their childcare. But he should definitely be paying to eat and for the household bills and his own bloody phone bill!

And don't get married!

If the eldest isnt his child you can be pretty sure that he will favour his child over your existing child. He'll manipulate all of you and make your life hell.

You’re being a mug. A £6 phone contract should suffice. Why are you buying his food like his mum? And I assume the older child isn’t his as he’s not contributing to them? This is a crazy, abusive set up. He needs to leave if he won’t pay for himself.

But OP already knew he wasn't fair-minded. This tightness with money isn't new.

Just to clarify, yes my eldest is his as well. Things haven’t been great but it’s only since I wouldn’t pay off some of his debt to get a house (and I found out the extent of how many credit cards he had) that things have really turned.

Personally, think you should be telling him to leave. If/when he's got himself sorted you can reassess the situation.
He's taking the micky big time. Cancel the phone contract for starters - that's excessive! He's been secretive about debt which is always concerning....

And when was that? How long has he only been paying 600 per month and leaving you up shit creek?

There's your answer, he see's you as a cash cow, he thinks he has a right to your money.
Stop being such a mug (sorry, I dont mean to insult you- but you have been a mug here). He's a waste of space, the longer you stay with him the more damage he will do to you & the children.

This! Make a spreadsheet of every single thing you share - childcare should def be split along with Council tax and all bills and food and WiFi and phones - don’t forget kids clothing - make him pay you half that and remind him he could be paying rent! Or chuck him out as it sounds like you’ve got yourself a cocklodger - if he pays all that still make sure he does half of all household cleaning cooking etc or he pays for a cleaner if he won’t