I was in your situation , except that we had three children and their father did nothing with the kids either. I got exactly the same weaponised incompetence when I tried to delegate things.
eg when I delegated one meal a week to him, he’d buy take away or defrost a meal id already made and put in the freezer. I tried to ignore it.
He washed his dark washing ( pants and socks ) with the children’s and my white and pastel clothes “ because they are all underwear “ and ruined them. He hot washed some wool jumpers ( not his own of course ) and shrank them to the size of dolls clothes. I tried not to react.
I tried leaving his washing when I did ours, but it didn’t make much diference to the work. I tried not picking up his dirty plates and cups all over the house But he just left them there for weeks until I cracked and cleaned them.
I tried delegating other aspects of housework and wifework , but like your H he found ways to screw things up that inconvenienced me. He “ renewed “ out joint car insurance policy and “ accidentally “ cancelled my car insurance. I only found out when I got stopped by the police. The only reason I didn’t get charged was that I was still insured under his car policy as a second driver, which covered to drive another car TPFT. He’d obviously forgotten to change that .
I tried to ignore these things too, so then he moved onto doing things that would hurt the children.
He “ tidied up” by throwing out or smashing their toys “ by accident “. ( DD is now in her 20s and she still remembers that he smashed up Baby Annabelle 😢) .
He forgot to collect children from activities until I got a frantic call from the activity leader. I was about an hour away collecting another child.
He left another child ( aged 10 ) standing at a unstaffed train station at 8pm in the winter in the dark.
He asked me for the phone numbers of other school mums so he could ask them to do HIS share of child pick up / drop off duties and he was incensed that I’d not tell him ( I told him to ask his friends not mine ).
He took one child to a football birthday party and left behind the gift and the football boots so the child wasn’t allowed to play football ball at the party ( Id put these in the back seat of the car but he dropped Ds and drove off before he could get them out. Of course the parents of the birthday child phoned me to complain.
He dropped off DD at the bus for a week’s activity camp ( in the highlands in winter ) and didn’t give DD her outdoor jacket ( also in the back seat of the car).
The only day EVER he had to collect a child from nursery at lunchtime (because I was in hospital with the other child ) he decided he would go at 5pm instead ( because “ the nursery was open to then so it wouldn’t matter “. ) . The nursery of course called me but my phone was turned off as I was in hospital. The nursery were furious as it put them over their legal numbers for the afternoon and our child nearly lost his nursery place.
I tried every possible thing to get H to step up as an adult and a father and nothing worked. I started off resenting him and ended up hating him. I saw what a terrible person he was, as he went out of his way to hurt our children to punish me for not being a good enough servant / wife appliance.
So I divorced him. He said he wanted the children 50:50.
When he moved out ( into a 4 bed room house about 10 mins away ) , he saw the kids once a week after school, he’d buy them a pizza and drop them home about 6pm. He told them he would buy furniture for the bedrooms so they could stay over sometimes. It never happened.
AS soon as he moved out and I claimed child mainetenance , he told the CMS he was feeding the children “ half their meals every week “ and claimed he should pay less child support It took them 12 weeks to tell him no, at which point he stopped having the children for that two hours a week.
After about 6 months his Gf moved in with him. Then he quit his job and set up as “ self employed “ so he did have to pay any child maintenance . Well it was his zero for the first 18 months and then £7 / week. He didn’t even pay that of course.
So he went from wanting 50:50 in June when he moved out to 2 hours a week for about 3 months and zero by the October or November. He now sees his kids about once a year - they are uni age so it’s their choice. They despise him and only see him out of some ( misplaced) sense of guilt. They will only see him together and in a public place , because of his manipulate behaviour and the lies he tells about them to others.
It’s very sad for them , they deserve better, it’s heartbreaking really.
I know your son is very young @StressedNeedCoffee66 and you are worried about seeing him less . But “ Fun Dad “ is soon going to get bored spending every Saturday entertaining a young child, especially when a new partner is on the scene. I’m sure you’ve seen here on Mn about how much new girlfriends resent having to waste their weekend on their boyfriends kids ( aka his ex using him for babysitting ).
Or your son will get fed up at missing his activities every second weekend because his dad “ forgot “ and he won’t want to go there anymore.
While these are not good outcomes for your son, you can’t change your husband now while you live with him and you won’t be able to change him after you separate . Lazy feckless selfish men don’t change because they procreate.