Is it normal for a male to always be addressed in email correspondence? 😡

[PeppyAmberHedgehog]

Edit: title was meant to say 'always addressed first'

This is annoying me for various historical reasons, but to add insult to injury, this man-child family member is always addressed first in joint business and legal letters. He is second born, second alphabetically. Really? In 2026?

Inconsequential in the scheme of things, but I usually put the female namw first- and always do so if she had a title (Dr, Rev etc).

Yup drives me absolutely mad - I once mentioned it on the phone to the mortgage company when buying a house with my ex husband and I (not) jokingly said since it’s me paying the deposit and clearly has the bigger job you should put my name first on all the paperwork ….. the chap didn’t know what to say 🤣

I said to my mortgage broker a few weeks ago, I’m a bit offended you’ve put DH on the application first even though I was applicant 1 on the forms we did and I am the higher earner. He wasn’t sure how to respond.

Depends upon convention (which it was), but also upon mail merge/data processing rules - Mr is before Mrs in the alphabet and there isn't much inclination to create an alphabetically sorted list with an extra subroutine to reverse sort titles to make a point.

I'm reassured to see I am not the only one annoyed by this.

I fell out with an airline some years ago. I made a booking for me and DH, I paid for the booking and obviously put myself as lead passenger on the booking.
The confirmation email I received (to my email address) was addressed to DH

I work for a law firm and we have to list the man first on our database.

Wren kitchen wouldn’t talk to me about my kitchen order which they had put in my husbands name even though I paid for it!

OMG! Can confidently say they are not getting my custom.

Some of thiss implies that if it was "Miss and Mr." the female title would stay in front. Has anyone tried this?

My DH filled out the paperwork for our first joint mortgage and gave my title as Dr (which I don't usually use). All our subsequent correspondence was addressed to "Mr Madonna and Sir/Madam". Now, I get Dr isn't gendered, but not Sir and Sir/Madam (fine) or Mr Madonna and Dr Madonna (fine - although - why him first?). Mr Madonna and Sir/Madam? Rude.

Yes and it worked... although programmes may differ! :) 😀

Does it in the systems I use.

Do they get any advantage from being first on the list? if not someone has to be. Does it matter?

YANBU, plain old sexism.

As an aside, I have DH’s surname and I know this is considered old fashioned on MN but what I hate more is the Christmas cards addressed to Mr & Mrs (husband’s initials) surname. WTF! It’s mostly his side of the family that do this but also a few on my side and they are older generation. I have mentioned it and was told it was traditional to only put’s DH’s initials. Why not “Mr P & Mrs L surname”?

Someone who doesn't want to offend one way or another, but does anyway.

The thing that always annoys me is that when I book a holiday. I am the lead passenger and 1st on the booking ect and then he is listed 1st. Annoys me every time. I paid for and booked it. Crazy!

I have this with the water bill recently! Also really annoyed me. I pay all the bills from my account ( DP tranfers money). I always have as I'm a bit more organised. Anyway water person comes to read meter and says oh you must be Mrs partner as on the bill he is listed first as Mr Partner. I say no I'm Ms sailaway and he said there isnt an option to put that down, hes got record it as Mr or Mrs partner name as that's the first on the bills!

About 30 years ago I was in a job where there were potentially expensive consequences to getting names the 'wrong' way round, and by 'wrong' I mean in any other order than that originally given by the clients, so I have always mirrored whatever is in the original correspondence or form.

It’s always been Mr and Mrs. Can’t get excited about it

I think they are worried about men's egos/anger if they are listed second

I booked a holiday, was lead passenger took my family half way around the world, got to the hotel they asked for DHs details, I assumed it was because they already had mine.

nope.

As soon as they had his everything was presented to him (from our key cards and bills to menus in the restaurant). It was infuriating!

A little bit of leftover patriarchy still alive and well.
I hardly ever write to couples using titles these days, but I did, I would try to remember to put the woman's name first at least half the time.

What has second born got to do with it? Where i work we take details from a form people fill out themselves so if a couple for example person 1 goes in first then person 2

Then our email system takes person 1 then person 2 name

If this is sexism why is it our fault? No we dont deliberately program the system for male one then female 2 but then thia is mn someone buying a packet of crisps is probably sexist

DH and I recently stayed at two or three hotels in UK and Europe and I felt that the staff made a point of speaking only to me when we were at the reception desk, unless DH actually started the conversation. Well done them.