Is it normal for a male to always be addressed in email correspondence? 😡

[PeppyAmberHedgehog]

Edit: title was meant to say 'always addressed first'

This is annoying me for various historical reasons, but to add insult to injury, this man-child family member is always addressed first in joint business and legal letters. He is second born, second alphabetically. Really? In 2026?

I'm just finding this all so bizarre, because this is not my experience - anywhere. And never has been. If DH and I book or order something together, it's addressed to the 2 of us. If I order or book something, it's addressed to me. If he orders or books something it's addressed to him.

Who on earth are all these companies, completely ignoring women, even when they are there booking/purchasing something with their husbands, and not including them on any of the paperwork? (And seemingly not even talking to them?!) And even worse, addressing things to the husband when she is the one who purchased/ordered/booked something in her own name?

Honestly, never happened to me in 35 years of being with DH, let alone recently!

I don't give two hoots if that's the convention, it's antiquated. I took his surname for my own very good reasons, not his initial nor the title of Mrs.

@BatchCookBabe Because I'm not a Mrs? I'm a married Ms MyName. Mrs MyName is my mum!
And we don't have joint bank accounts - the water bill comes out of my account, for example.

Oh I would not do that. Absolute raise this and get them to justify the reason behind. If they give some shite answer like tradition or protocol point out these things change.

I added my partner to my British Gas account a while back, they bumped my name completely, we now get bills addressed to 'Mr HisFirstName HisLastName and'

I used to work for a software company that sold software to estate agents. The mail merge functionality was an absolute pain in the arse. If the two names were a Mrs and a Mr Adams, then the software would address the letter to "Mr and Mrs Ken Adams". Used to drive people nuts, and we used to get so many complaints from agents who'd had complaints from their clients.

It was bad enough that it was happening with married couples, but that at least used to be the usual form of address. But it's not exactly infrequent for a brother and sister with the same surname to be selling their deceased parents house!

Apparently it was too much hassle to fix, along with the bug that wouldn't accept more that 10 characters for a first name, so every Christopher in the system got shortened to Christophe.

I'm glad I don't work there any more.

@HoppityBun I thought a widow remained as Mrs Edward Jones if she chose.

I think you have that bit wrong.

It's 2026 and I'd hope people can do as they please. Sometimes too, it depends how the combined names work. For example:

Julia and James is clunky compared to James and Julia.

Alice and James works.

The only part of all this that ever bothers me is when some people think some people warrant the courtesy of a title and others don't. It should be all first names or all titles.

Xtopher would work. Cross for Christ. It's remarkably common on old church records.

They could be like the American " Dear The prettyamberhedgehogs". "Hi, it's The Prettyamderhedgehogs, lady of the house speaking " - oh, that's very Hyacthynth Bucket.

Because to put “Mr P and Mrs L” is simply incorrect. Once you are married, you are Mrs P Humerous”. You only become Mrs L when you are widowed. Likewise, the late Princess Diana was correctly never that - she was the Princess of Wales as her husband was at that time the Prince of Wales. Prince Michael of Kent’s wife is Princess Michael of Kent. The convention is dropping in that those who still write letters and cards would address it, often, to Mrs L Humerous if they were writing to you alone. Strictly, it’s incorrect, but these days increasingly common. I once sent my newly wed daughter a card to Mrs (husband’s initials ) (husband’s surname) and she gave it to him, thinking it was his. “What,” exclaimed she, “I even lose my initial?” Correctly, I’m afraid so.

This is rubbish. I am not interested in what an outdated institution like the royal family do.
I have never been addressed by my husband’s first name because he told all his friends and family I did not want to be. No ‘official’ organisation has ever addressed me by his first name. I took my husband’s last name because my previous surname was my father’s and he was a b…..d.

I remember about 20 years ago, a used car salesman saying to my husband "I'm going to talk to you about this car." My sister was with us, and interjected, "I wouldn't, mate, he won't be the one paying for it!"

When I worked inputting mortgage applications I used to put whoever had put themselves first on the info form as Applicant 1, or the person in the couple I had spoken to (very often the woman in heterosexual couples). I made a point of it!

I always address women first, to make a point.

I agree Changename12.
Zara Tindall, when at Ascot, has a badge that says “Mrs Michael Tindall”. That’s a royal and upper echelons of society thing. Horrible, sexist and out dated. She should be “Mrs Zara Tindall” or just “Zara Tindall”.

I suppose folk might be along shortly to ask why I took DH’s surname. It was mostly due to the fact that we planned to have children and all wanted the same surname for travelling, legal etc. We also used his because he is the last of the direct descendants with this surname and wanted it to carry on if we had a son (we did).
I need to ask family to not use just my husband’s initial (or just ignore it).

Sorry to slightly derail op but your interesting op does tend to digress to very related issues.

I don’t care about this at all. I did get a letter from my car insurance that addressed my DH as Mr (my real name). Wasn’t a typo either so it happens both ways

Sorry if someone has already said this but years ago when almost lot of building societies demutualised and people got payouts they went to the first named person on a joint account which was invariably the man.

Also had this with them! Also auto sent a card with only his name on, I called and they say I could have one in my name "if I want" it's my account too of course I do 🤨

Ha…
I have no idea why it was addressed to him. The sales man was addressing us both when we there but it was very clear the car was mine. I signed the docs and filled in my details (not my husbands)… I had to get all the warranty/service docs changed - I really kicked off about it.