Is it normal for a male to always be addressed in email correspondence? 😡

[PeppyAmberHedgehog]

Edit: title was meant to say 'always addressed first'

This is annoying me for various historical reasons, but to add insult to injury, this man-child family member is always addressed first in joint business and legal letters. He is second born, second alphabetically. Really? In 2026?

Yes, this. ^ It's always been like this, and I can't bring myself to care. It's never done me any harm being 'second' when being addressed... Not in 35 years together. We have the same first intial too, so when things come as Mr and Mrs J Jackson (for example) it encompasses us both.

'Mrs and Mr' would just sound daft.

Sorry what? Why is it 'well done them!' that they ignored your husband?

Please read the post I was replying to.
Reception staff didn't 'ignore' my husband, but they didn't feel a need to speak to him rather than me when I made the bookings and had all the details, which happened to pp on her recent holiday.

I flipped with the Electric Company last week. Both our names are on the account but they address me as Mrs DH NoLuckDuck.

DH hasn’t dealt with them in 10 years but they told me I wasn’t financially responsible for the account and needed DH’s consent to amend the Direct Debit - which is linked to my bank account!

I’m a Will writer and as so many married women keep their surname, I address them in alphabetical order of surname.

So letters, invoice etc may be Ms D Brown and Mr D East. No one’s ever remarked on this.

I was making a large purchase once, and my brother had come among for support.

If they'd looked at the paperwork, it was obvious that I was the buyer, no one else.

However the male sales person when talking didn't look at me at all. He only looked at my brother. I might as well have been invisible! I did remind him, he's only there to help me, I'm the customer, as it says on the forms!!

I'm not paying any bill addressed to Mr and Mrs anything - that's not me!! My husband can pay that one!
Tbf the council tax bill is addressed to Ms and Mr so that one's sorted at least 😀

When I was Miss C and now dh was Mr D, and I was the first applicant it was still always dh addressed first.

Yes it's always "Mr. and Mrs." but on the other hand you have "Ladies and Gentlemen".

I genuinely can't think of a time when this has happened me. I do the vast bulk of our life admin. Most of the things I'm signing up to only have one customer name so dh not even listed.

I would sometimes get mail with my husband listed first - when I am
divorced, have never registered a man living at this address, everything has just been me and paid for by me, but they can’t understand how it’s possible there’s no man.

Maybe they assumed because you weren't capable of buying alone seeing you needed a man for support as you said to mn

I see this differently as it is not a formal address of legal meaning. This is men, who decided in the way back that they have a convention of opening doors for ladies, treating them as China dolls in some respects, not others and addressing them first and so forth. Then once the silly chitter chatter at mixed gatherings is over, they retire to the smoking room for serious talk and thoughts whilst the ladies remain to discuss male-approved topics such as the household and sewing. Those not in the upper echelons of society saw men gathering at the pub… My grandfather apparently went for a pint every night before dinner.

I've genuinely never noticed nor cared which of us is listed 1st.

However... When DH and I were 1st married he had an account with Barclays, so we also set up a joint account with them. DH's monthly statement arrived addressed to him, and inside was also our joint account statement. It pissed me off, since it was in an envelope addressed only to him, so I contacted Barclays and explained the problem. They didn't see the issue, so I explained again, saying that I'd have to open DH's post in order to see my joint account statement. They refused to change it! We switched to another bank...

I've lived alone my entire life, I've never had any problem.

When I got married the registrars told me that legally the man has to be asked the questions in the ceremony first. This made no sense given that two men or two women could get married but they were extremely annoyed I asked for the order of questions to be changed.

In a an email I put the “lead” client first ie the one that has made the appointment/ and is driving the matter. If I can’t discern who that is I default to the woman first as micro feminism.

However in addressing the letter I still address mr and Mrs j Smith as that’s conventionally correct unfortunately

Same here, I couldn't believe it! Like, what am I? Chopped liver?

Drives me mad too. A few years ago I took my two children on holiday abroad. My son was 18 at the time and still at school. When we arrived at our destination airport we reported to the holiday rep to get our transfer to the resort, but he couldn't find my surname anywhere on his list. We were getting quite concerned and trying to call the holiday company in the UK to sort it out.

The rep scanned his list again and said the only party of three he was expecting on the flight was for "Mr Joe Bloggs" plus 2. My son, who has a different surname to me, was the Joe Bloggs in question! As the only male in the group they put his name down as the party lead, even though I was listed as the lead passenger in all the booking information and I paid for the bloody holiday! I was absolutely fuming!

Ooh I received a mother's day card yesterday addressed to Mrs [husbands initial] surname, made me bristle. I'm not even a Mrs, I'm a Ms on everything official.

I work with the military and they address a lot of emails to 'Sirs, All', aware not all males are Sirs due to rank but it drives me mad, sounds like 'men, lesser not men' to me.

I was ridiculously pleased with Haven as they are a company who gave consistently addressed everything to me as lead booker.

the council tax one really annoyed me as I had the house before I got married and obviously everything in my name. After marriage when he registered as living here, suddenly council tax sent to him! He’s not ousted as the home owner (didn’t add him to the mortgage) - why does he get the council letters? That really annoyed me.

Remember all my parent’s correspondence was like this in the 80s. I worked somewhere that was quite formal once (HNW investments) and we had to consult Debrett’s to make sure we were addressing customers correctly, get it wrong and you could lose them apparently!

Way back in the last century (!) I gained my PhD and became Dr. Poledra. I opened a credit card, and added then DP as an associate card holder (his credit rating was shite!). So, Dr Pol and Mr Nocredit. Anyway, I phoned them up one day and, on checking the account, the rather confident man on the other end apologised for the typo on the account. The typo he was referring to was Mr, as clearly Dr could only be DP therefore it should be Ms Nocredit....

And I used to have a problem.with my brother addressing cards to Mr and Mrs [husbands initial] Nocredit. When challenged, he rather sniffily gave me the ' it's correct convention and etiquette.' Stopped pretty sharply when I pointed out that the convention from the same era would have him in jail for his same-sex relationship.

Why would they assume that? The retailer had no idea of my personal circumstances.