AIBU to want to tell colleague’s wife about his workplace affair?

[Berrylipshade]

Name changed for this.
I’m watching an affair play out in work. Been going on for a long time. Everyone knows. Not at all discreet. Today it was bad, cuddling, neck stroking, hands in hair, in plain sight of a few of us, and leaving for “lunch” together.
He is a horrible arrogant man. His poor wife & young kids.
I hear him telling clients about his wife and comes across as so devoted. He’s a pig.
The one he’s shagging is single, but an obnoxious flirt. The whole thing just makes me so annoyed.
i wish I could not care.
but i keep plotting to leak this to his wife.
is that wrong?

He can’t be a nice guy and be cheating on his wife and children. Cognitive dissonance there.

This. All of you suggesting that a husband who is having sex with other women whilst also having sex with his wife isn’t being abusive, if said wife is believing she is in a monogamous relationship, are deluded. Wait until it happens to you and get back to us.

Yes!
Create a fake Facebook page and send her a message with all the details. Tell her youve created the Facebook page to remain anonymous.
That way it can't come back to you!
Woman should look out for woman...these men get away with far too much. Poor wife and kids

Me to photo and send and keep mum

I'd report it to the HR, it's highly inappropriate

It is sad. But I can’t see how telling her will achieve anything except make her unhappy. How do you think it will make her life better?

I would say telling your manager is only going to do anything if there is actually something inappropriate going on, ie a company policy of no workplace relationships. What if he weren't married, both of them single and carrying on exactly the same, would it change how you view their relationship? It's irrelevant to work whether he's married and having an affair, they won't give a shit.

And whatever you do don't take photos or videos of them in work to send to his wife, this is very illegal to do without consent in the workplace. If you happen to see them out then maybe, but FGS not in work

it’s possible his wife already knows - I would stay well out of it. No good deed and all that…….

Is it your business? No.
stay out of other peoples drama. You do not know their life.

Buy them tickets for a Coldplay concert, they can drop themselves in it 🤣🤣

Sometimes winning the battle loses you the war. If you work in a small industry and take your employer to tribunal, you might win a few grand in compensation, then never get hired again by anyone else because the tribunal gets you a reputation for being difficult. There's also the question of proof - If a couple just straight-up deny an affair and say others made it all up because of malicious workplace jealousy, it's very difficult to prove.

I worked with someone like him once. Everyone at work knew. His DP was told anonymously. He vehemently denied it, even cried, his DP believed him, married him & he carried on with the affair. You could come off the worst if you tell the boss because I'd bet the cheater would deny it, even laugh about it and then make life difficult for you at work

You don't sound like a busy body, it's horrible, but I would keep out of it, unless you can let her know without anyone ever knowing it was you. You say someone said he's done it before and his wife was with him then so assuming she found out, she forgave him. However, even if she didn't know, people often blame the messenger in their distress and thinking of you I can see this going horribly wrong. As other people have mentioned do you have an HR department you can go to? Maybe some of you could go to HR together about the workplace behaviour? Horrible man, good luck with it.

I had lots of hints but ignored them. It was true and found out months later. Devastated me.

if you can do it anonymously do it. There’s nothing worse for his poor wife than to have a load of people she doesn’t even know feeling sorry for her because they know what he’s up to. I speak from experience

Stay out of it. No good will come of interfering.

I mean, would I do it? Probably not. Would I want to? Definitely.

Just do it anonymously.

As someone who has been the wife, then yes I would tell her. But make sure it can’t be traced to you.

Tell her , anonymously .

I can't imagine the pain of thinking you have a good relationship with no idea that your DH was behaving like this and turning your marriage into an office joke. I'd definitely want to know so I could murder the motherfucker

I'll admit now I've not read everything but as the 'wife' in my own situation I would have been really grateful if someone had given me the heads up so much earlier. Looking back I became so mentally abused and used to being walked over that I was letting the red flags go unchallenged that not only was wasting my life but meant my kids didn't/haven't seen the woman I am underneath. Don't expect her to thank you immediately, she may have been desperately plastering over issues pretending that her life is perfect, and having the rug pulled from her will, initially hurt. It will hurt like hell but approaching 21 months on I can honestly say I am better for knowing. One of my biggest regrets is the time that has been wasted. Now I want this divorce over and the freedom to be me back! Always tell them!!!

Cheaters/abusers only get away with this because bystanders do nothing!

I feel your pain OP. Similar situation at my workplace but it is the single male boss and a married female member of staff. We’ve all met her Husband and she’s forever talking about him and how loved up they are.
They work late together most nights and have been seen kissing and holding hands by multiple people. Lots of in jokes and nobody is allowed to question her in any of the work she hasn’t done. She has also recently been promoted (by him) to a senior position that she is not remotely qualified for with no consultation with any other senior managers.
It’s so unprofessional & puts everybody in a very uncomfortable situation and quite a small business with no HR department so really difficult to speak out. I would love to tell her husband but can’t bring myself to get involved despite everybody talking about it. Seriously thinking about looking for a new job because if it.

Sooooo… still not done anything.
discussed this a lot with a couple of colleagues today, heard all about his previous similar behaviour. General consensus seems to be his wife MUST KNOW SOMETHING

I either need to ignore it, focus on my own work and be quietly disgusted, or risk my own job basically. I have no idea how I could do this anonymously, as I don’t know their address for one! I know she sells furniture online…but that’s all I know.