AIBU to think my husband‘s attitude is really mean

[Hayfield123]

Would you give up your time to be a witness at a strangers wedding? Husband and I were chatting to a couple the other day who are getting married, but they haven’t told any of their friends and family and they’re hoping to get to strangers off the street to be witnesses. My husband said that they’ll never find anybody, they said they were going to go to the local pub and find some people that were sitting there and just ask them if they would do it. I said if I had the time I would absolutely do it he said he wouldn’t. He said if he was sitting there having a drink with his friend, he wouldn’t want to be disturbed. I think that’s really mean.

110% agree. It is usually those massive show weddings that end up in divorce a year later!

A witness to a signature is a totally different thing though. It's not about the act taking place it's the function of the witness.

For example witnessing a will being signed. You are confirming that the document has been signed there and then in front of you. Nothing to do with whether the contents of the will are legal or ethical or valid. The validity of the will is up to the drafter of it not the witness to the signature.

A solicitor/whoever signing a passport application is carrying out a completely different function. They are saying that they are familiar with the person applying and that the photo is a good likeness.

A witness to a marriage schedule falls into the first category. The function of preventing marriage fraud is up to the registrar/celebrant and not the witness to the signature.

If it wasn't inconvenient and they didn't seem like absolute nuts I would, hopefully a friend would too though. Wandering off with a couple of strangers is always worth thinking about.

is it mean or is it because he lacks a sense of adventure and fun? I’d dine out on that for weeks, personally, and be delighted to be asked.

You have to show paperwork before the ceremony I assume ( never had a wedding in the UK)
Irrelevant to witnesses stating they saw you physically sign the register

But if you are sitting settled with friends enjoying your evening, it's a bit much for absolute strangers to expect you to just leave to attend their wedding. If you were by yourself just being a bit sociable and having a quick drink it might be fine and a bit of fun.

They'd need 2 witness so you could do with your friend lol

It's not likely to be evening anyway

Would I do it if asked? Yes. Do I think he’s unreasonable to say no? No. We are having a registry office wedding next month and registrar actually suggested pulling folk off the street to witness! We declined due to worrying we wouldn’t find anyone willing on the day, not everyone likes being thrown into sudden situations and not everyone has the time!

I don’t think it’s mean either, I’d do it, I’d not be all scared if was a scam or repurcussions, mumsnetters do appear a rather nervous bunch, but I’d also equally not think someone mean for not disrupting their day to do it.

No, it's not mean. If people opt for that approach to getting witnesses, they have to be prepared that a potential consequence will be not being able to find them on the day.

You know what? I'd love to do it for someone. Unless I had an urgent appointment or somewhere I really had to be (e.g. picking kids up from school) then yes. It's such a lovely, important day for a couple, and presumably they have their reasons for wanting to get married quietly. I'd be honoured, tbh. Most days I am not doing anything so special that I couldn't take 15 minutes to help out. Mumsnet has turned into a sad and miserable place, I wonder if that's a reflection of society in general post-covid in particular. The kindness of strangers can be a wonderful thing. Totally paranoid to start going on about sham marriages - and ignorant too.

Oh great to know it still happens sometimes. I'm 'actual' friends now with some MNers I met by doing this years ago. (I was a witness not the bride)

YANBU, it's a bit of a spoilsport attitude, like the kind of man who won't join in with charades or a new board game at Christmas and just sits there while everyone else plays...

I got married in Gretna just the two of us. I got the photographer to be one witness and we pulled a wee woman from the street who was away to do her shopping in to local coop. She gladly listened to the quickest vows, signed her name on the forms and off she popped. She was the cutest wee woman ever and we were very thankful x

Your reading comprehension skills are somewhat lacking.
I said that the witnesses job is to attest that the marriage took place. That's it, they have no other job.
Minimising the risk of fraudulent marriages is part of the work done in the register office, where the parties to the marriage must register their intent to get married, with sufficient notice, and to whom the couple have to present their ID, proof of address, proof of immigration status and proof that any previous marriages are legally over. The register office have a duty to report suspicious requests to the Home Office, and they do report thousands of cases a year.

It’s a personal thing. I’m always up for something different, not everyone is, which is why I suggested he’s not actually being mean.

It’s literally nothing like that 😂 it wouldn’t be joining in, it would be actively cancelling your original plans.

This is exactly my plan for my elopement next month 🤣 I'm hoping to find someone at one of the nearby cafes/parks as it is a morning weekday wedding so only spoons will be open at the time!

Each to his own. My OH is allowed to have his priorities and choices on how he spends his time. Luckily, his priority is us as a couple and family...but I wouldn't force my choices on him.

We were looking at our local register office. The rules there are staff cannot do it under any circumstances and you can’t ask people off of the street. As we don’t have two witnesses irl we haven’t got married.

I would do it and be happy to do it!! I think unexpected things like that are the best things in life!

People do this every day. My parents asked passers by and they were delighted to be asked! The registry office did say they have staff do it too sometimes.

There was a wedding a few years ago where mumsnetters were the witnesses, found on here and arranged on a thread.
I remember it was quite lovely to read.

This is MN, where everyone you haven't known for at least 50 years is up to no good and wants to steal your soul

I wouldn't fear any repercussions for myself from it and I might do it if at a loose end, I would, however, think the couple were truly unorganised people unless there was a real urgency to the marriage.
I mean crikey what a risk to take, what if nobody said yes?