Faith schools...yeah, im probably being unreasonable, and hypocritical BUT........

[lucyellensmum]

I received a letter from the school i want DD to go to. It is a catholic school. She is christened a catholic, i am a catholic and went to the same school. DD is 2.9 and will be starting school next september.

There are a lot of threads on here berating the hypocrisy (sp) of parents who attend church just to get their child into the best school. So, this school is by far the best local school, by miles!! BUT i genuinely want her to go to a CATHOLIC school. I want her to have religious education, i want it to be catholic and i want her to understand about Jesus and learn all about living a decent christian life. And yes, i do stick to those values just as much as I can. BUT and this is where i suspect i will get flamed. I DON'T GO TO CHURCH.

I dont go to church because, a) we dont get much family time and my DP is not a catholic. b) our priest, love his heart, is the most boring, dull man on the entire planet and c) how can i expect a two year old to sit though a service and be quiet for a whole hour while he witters on about stuff I don't understand. I actually enjoy the catholic mass, but it does go on, he is particularly dull and we stopped going when DD became mobile. She is two young to go off to the childrens liturgy and i quite frankly don't want to go.

SO>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>i gets the letter from the school saying because the school has been told they are over subscribing to catholics they are making their admission more strict for catholic children. There is a form for the priest to fill in, it states whether the parents attend church, weekly, monthly, occasionally, never.arrrghhhhhhh. Of course dear old Father K sees straight through all of us and insists we go to church at every bloody opportunity. So, the form has to be filled in by december and returned to the school. I have now been put in a position where i feel like a hypocrit for going to church so my child can attend a faith school. But i AM a catholic, i DO believe in God and i want my child to be raised in the cathloic faith. I just don't want to have to attend church with a bored two year old when quite frankly i could be spending the time better having quality family time and im sure the man upstairs would appreciate that!!!

MAybe she would have had better opportunity to attend if i were a bloody atheist!! The school is oversubscribing to catholics,,,,,,,,,,well the last time i checked, it was a catholic school.

you cant have your cake and eat it.
simple.

"i want my child to be raised in the cathloic faith. I just don't want to have to attend church with a bored two year old when quite frankly i could be spending the time better having quality family time"

I don't think it works like that. Most Christians believe that fellowship is important and you can't be a Christian without meeting with other Christians.

Would starting to attend church now really get you a place by December anyway?

Sorry, I think part of being a Catholic involves going to Mass every week. Can't you "shop around" for a better service? That's what my father did - not the done thing, but there you go. Otherwise can't you leave your dd with her non observing father? I don't really think you can complain otherwise if families that observe their religion more than you are getting priority. On the atheist front, try getting hold of the admissions criteria. You should find that there is a strict pecking order going from observing catholic, to christened but not observing, to other observing christians, and then down to other faiths. Atheists only permitted if there is space left over, which from what you say seems unlikely.

IN years to come your DD will think she has had a lucky escape, you know. DO you really really want her educated to believe that her body is disgusting, she is less than a man and has no right to control her own fertility?

what nooka says - surely there is a more family friendly service. And if your dp doesnt come with you could you arrange to do something nice as a family afterwards (eg have late breakfast/lunch together).

I appreciate what you are saying foofi i really do, and i do see that i am being unreasonable. But honestly, there is no benefit whatsoever in DD attending church just now and i can;t not take her as we have no childcare. Yes, attending now will get her a place, it probably wont even matter if i don't go. But i do feel that my hand is being forced and that is what i resent. I want to attend church because i wake up on a Sunday and think, i know, im going to church today. When DD is older, probably about 5 i will take her to church regularly, just as my Dad took me, but right now - its a pointless exercise. I have lots of problems with the way the catholic religeon can be so dogmatic about things. But its not like i am saying i will never attend church again, just that it doesnt work for our family at this moment in time, i dont feel i should be penalised for that.

Could you take her to mass and bring along a few pens and some drawing stuff? You don't have to listen to every word your priest says. Use it as a time for your own reflection and prayer.

I don't think it's hypocritical btw. I presume she has been baptised? How far along are you with the sacraments?

agree with nailpolish and noooka.

find a child friendly church

if being catholic and having a catholic education is important, you would have found a new church or place to worship

it is hypocritical to want a child to attend a faith school, but not to want to practice that faith

Hmmm, this is a bit like Cherie booth being too embarrased to pack her 'contraceptive equipment' to go to Balmoral.

Surely being Catholic or whatever is not like going to a restaurant and picking what you like off the menu? From the little I know I thought it was a requirement of your faith that you attended Mass regularly or confessed as a sin that you didn't and took penance.

if being a catholic is what you want to sign up for, I think a catholic school is perfectly entitled to insist you practice what they preach.

All the catholic schools round us have a form that has to be filled in by the priest. I thought that was the norm.
When filling out the form for schools it gave details saying that the church expected regular attendance, i.e. 26 weeks of the year.
Our catholic school too is the best for miles and miles. Dh and his whole family is catholic and ds has been christendd there. But I am not catholic and the priest told me I was " not welcome"
Subsequently we have only been 3 times in the last year.
But the priest still filled in our form and ds starts at the lovely catholic school in Sept.
Do not give up.

is there a Saturday/Sunday school for her age group
Could you ask the priest how he accommodates such young children?
Why is your chuld going to school so young or do you mean preschool and if so is there really that strict critieria for preschool?

poppy, that is what i am hoping for, in a years time DD can go off to the childrens liturgy with DP and i can stay for the service, but right now, she would rather stick a fork in her eye im sure and that is counter productive if she gets a negative association for going to mass.

Basically our priest needs to get with the times. Him and bishop brennan would do well, so he would

our church has a liturgy group for the kids and they do a register to apply the policy for school
how does a priest track who attends church and how often ?

You can't have it both ways! You want the special treatment, you've got to get on your knees and worship the sky-pixies. Tough!

Oblomov I am shocked the priest said you are not welcome.

This is quite frankly THE highest singularly most rubbish argument i have ever heard

a catholic complains about going to church

but wants her kid to learn about jesus

i have 2 main issues

1. If you want your kid to learn about jesus

bloody well teach him! bible stories, hymns the crucifix all should be staples in your home - this should not be left to the education system

2)As a catholic - You believe Jesus kinda oh....i dunno.... died in excruciating agony FOR YOU - and well....you can't be fucked - cos you have like ...erm better things you could be doing

You want someone else to conveniently sort out your daughter's religious education for you as its too tedious for you to attend to. I don't think you've quite absorbed the christian values as much as you could have done during your many years as a Catholic

Quite frankly I think the places are deserved more by the children of practicing Catholics, not someone who wants their children to end up catholic but can't make the effort themselves.

Do you have a dog but get someone else to house train it, walk it and feed it too?

Some people use the sermon time to meditate quietly if the subject matter is dull. Could you and dh go to different mass times so that one of you can stay at home with your dd until she is old enough for the childrens service ?

If your dp isn't a Catholic could he stay at home with the 2yo?

Also if you avoid the "main" mass, eg go for Sat night option of early mass then it may not be as long?

but only God is judging you

(need to go to confession for lying now)

Round here the catholics have been able to get away with no church attendance as there were never enough to oversubscribe the school.

The christened but non-church going catholic kids got the first places and anything left went to the local community.

But now things are different. There are Polish catholics; Phillipino catholics; African catholics - and the spaces are now over subscribed for relaxed catholics. So "active" catholics now get first choice, then "lazy" catholics and no space left for anyone else.

PS am speaking from a pro-immigration and anti faith school stance - so if you flame me choose the right reason!

Oh I think it is a load of bollix. they should be delighted to get any child that has a vaguely christian background because if they don't change with the times by the time most children have grown up enough to choose for themselves you won't see them for dust.
what self respecting young, informed woman would want to be a member of the Catholic church. I am a christian, I was brought up Catholic, my parents are devout. I just couldn't bring myself to enter my dd into the Catholic education system here. I am fortunate that the standard of schools in my area is excellent so the, admittedly very good, local catholic school wasn't the only choice for my dd.
If you want to send her, do the church thing, if you don't, don't.

our liturgy group is lovely i take ds6 dd3 and dd5mths don't think they put age restriction on it

Unfair sitdownG and Custy. Mass can be boring. Priests are only human. It's perfectly possible to live according to Catholic values without going to mass much.

As nooka said, it might be a good idea look around elsewhere for a church where the priest is more on your wavelength and where they offer the service of a weekly Children's Mass. If you really want your dd to attend that school, it may be the best compromise you can reach. Why not have your dp meet you after church and you could all go for Sunday morning tea & cake somewhere?

I thought going to Mass was a requirement? Cake and eat it.