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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Funeral directors share our private road - AIBU about what I saw yesterday?

602 replies

Habbyhadno · 11/03/2026 22:09

This is such a random post but…

I live at the top of a private road just off a main road in a small town. At the main road end we have a funeral directors that faces the street, the building is tiny and it’s a branch of another directors in a neighbouring town where the directors is very much a shop front.

I thought this one would be the same, but they do seem to store bodies in there. We’ve had a fair few hearses park on our road as we turn into it (at the side of the shop), I literally have to squeeze my car up the road as obviously hearses take up a lot of space and the road isn’t wide at all, it’s a bit of an inconvenience but whatever.

However, last night me and my three kids 6,8 and 12 were heading out and we were all walking down the road and I spy a private ambulance with the back door open and clearly two bodies were in black bags in the back of the van.

There were two people out there about to start manoeuvring the bodies into the building, but I’m a bit icked out by it all, I don’t really think the kids need to see that and I felt a bit weird about seeing it (there’s not any other way we could have gone as the road is small and there was no getting away from it).

Do you think I should pop in and speak to them about being aware of who is around when they are unloading bodies or AIBU? I just feel like they could make the operation a bit more concealed rather than hoiking them out literally in the street, it seems a bit disrespectful and it’s been playing on my mind. What do I do?

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 12/03/2026 11:45

Particularly if they were there first or have been there a long time I don't think there is much you can say, maybe ask them to reverse in so that they go straight into the building, but I think that's it. I saw the undertaker near here come out with a pressure washer once, was relieved when it was used to clean the van not any bodies...

YiddlySquat · 12/03/2026 11:45

YorkStories · 12/03/2026 10:48

That’s a very rigid way of looking at it. I’ve no desire to look at dead bodies however loved they are. They are ‘just’ dead bodies to me. Looking or kissing a dead body would be meaningless to me and I’d not want to do. Our family do direct to crem funerals with no service. Not because we find bodies or death ‘disgusting’ but because, to us, once a person has died the body is irrelevant. It’s medical waste. Our memories and grief are tied to the ‘person’ who died not their physical remains. Our family can happily chat and reminisce about family members who have died and by minimising the ‘death’ part of their lives we remember them when they were alive.

To me, the traditional way of dealing with death seems strange. However, I think everyone should do what suits them.

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I find that really sad. The body is the literal embodiment of the person you love, not a carcass to be discarded with as little fuss as possible.

Not to mention these people are busy, it would take forever. And what if they could only park across the road? Would 50 partition screens be used?

nomas · 12/03/2026 11:45

Alwaysalert · 12/03/2026 11:22

Everyone is different and those that find it unusual or distateful to see bodies being moved from a car in a public road/street to the Funeral premises, have the right to their opinion, some people are more sensitive than others. Stop trying to impress there is something wrong with people who feel upset or disturbed by this. When my Mother suddenly and unexpectedly passed away, I was notified by a call at work and left to go to my Parents' house. I was in shock and had never had to face this before. (Father had passed a few years before but in hospital and I was witness to this). When I arrived I stayed downstairs as I could not bring myself to see my deceased Mother, as I wanted to remember her as I had last seen the night before, apparently well). The Undertakers were upstairs and I had to go to the furthest point from the stairs (downstairs bathroom). I hid there and covered my ears as I did not want to even hear the Undertakers going downstairs and certainly did not want to witness my Mother in a plastic bag being loaded into the Private Ambulance. That is my feelings and I own them and am allowed them. I can understand the OP's feelings. It is also a reminder that in the last couple of years there has been distressing stories about a couple/few Funeral Parlours that are or have been the subject of criminal charges for the way they stored bodies and their actual practices which were so disrespectful and a disgrace to the profession. Of course the majority of Funeral Directors are beyond reproach but some people just do not like to see bodies in bags, irrelevant of how often it happens and will happen to us all.

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Death is upsetting but as someone who has had to manage the more upsetting parts of caring for my parents, it's not always nice to be the one left to manage everything whilst siblings go and hide.

WorstPaceScenario · 12/03/2026 11:46

Alwaysalert · 12/03/2026 11:22

Everyone is different and those that find it unusual or distateful to see bodies being moved from a car in a public road/street to the Funeral premises, have the right to their opinion, some people are more sensitive than others. Stop trying to impress there is something wrong with people who feel upset or disturbed by this. When my Mother suddenly and unexpectedly passed away, I was notified by a call at work and left to go to my Parents' house. I was in shock and had never had to face this before. (Father had passed a few years before but in hospital and I was witness to this). When I arrived I stayed downstairs as I could not bring myself to see my deceased Mother, as I wanted to remember her as I had last seen the night before, apparently well). The Undertakers were upstairs and I had to go to the furthest point from the stairs (downstairs bathroom). I hid there and covered my ears as I did not want to even hear the Undertakers going downstairs and certainly did not want to witness my Mother in a plastic bag being loaded into the Private Ambulance. That is my feelings and I own them and am allowed them. I can understand the OP's feelings. It is also a reminder that in the last couple of years there has been distressing stories about a couple/few Funeral Parlours that are or have been the subject of criminal charges for the way they stored bodies and their actual practices which were so disrespectful and a disgrace to the profession. Of course the majority of Funeral Directors are beyond reproach but some people just do not like to see bodies in bags, irrelevant of how often it happens and will happen to us all.

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The OP didn't ask if she was BU to be sensitive, she asked if she was BU to object.

YiddlySquat · 12/03/2026 11:48

NormasArse · 12/03/2026 10:57

I commented on your other thread, but this is a specific question, so- could you ask them to put up a temporary screen when they’re unloading the bodies?

If I had a loved one going to a funeral parlour, I wouldn’t like to think them being unloaded from a van, in a body bag, was something other people could witness… it just doesn’t feel respectful.

Aside from the fact that this would create MORE attention and gawping, screens are usually used to shield for something either distressing or to preserve the dignity of someone. A body in a bag is neither

YiddlySquat · 12/03/2026 11:50

Starbright102 · 12/03/2026 10:57

I guess its like asking why do people not like spiders? Or the dark? Or flying?

I simply find the idea of dead bodies at the end of my road and being wheeled out on my private road a bit strange.

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So you accept it’s a you problem and not for anyone else to change anything?

Frugalgal · 12/03/2026 11:51

Habbyhadno · 11/03/2026 22:09

This is such a random post but…

I live at the top of a private road just off a main road in a small town. At the main road end we have a funeral directors that faces the street, the building is tiny and it’s a branch of another directors in a neighbouring town where the directors is very much a shop front.

I thought this one would be the same, but they do seem to store bodies in there. We’ve had a fair few hearses park on our road as we turn into it (at the side of the shop), I literally have to squeeze my car up the road as obviously hearses take up a lot of space and the road isn’t wide at all, it’s a bit of an inconvenience but whatever.

However, last night me and my three kids 6,8 and 12 were heading out and we were all walking down the road and I spy a private ambulance with the back door open and clearly two bodies were in black bags in the back of the van.

There were two people out there about to start manoeuvring the bodies into the building, but I’m a bit icked out by it all, I don’t really think the kids need to see that and I felt a bit weird about seeing it (there’s not any other way we could have gone as the road is small and there was no getting away from it).

Do you think I should pop in and speak to them about being aware of who is around when they are unloading bodies or AIBU? I just feel like they could make the operation a bit more concealed rather than hoiking them out literally in the street, it seems a bit disrespectful and it’s been playing on my mind. What do I do?

I would be a lot less concerned about the kids seeing it and a big more concerned about the dignity of the deased with all and sundry walking past gawping.

Surely they could put up those portable barrier curtain type things that get used in supermarkets when someone flaked out on the floor or the like. It wouldn't add to their workload much..

Pudmyboy · 12/03/2026 11:52

amigafan2003 · 12/03/2026 10:05

I think you're being a bit precious about that.

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Well I disagree, but you are entitled to your opinion.

BlimeyOReillyO · 12/03/2026 11:53

Frugalgal · 12/03/2026 11:51

I would be a lot less concerned about the kids seeing it and a big more concerned about the dignity of the deased with all and sundry walking past gawping.

Surely they could put up those portable barrier curtain type things that get used in supermarkets when someone flaked out on the floor or the like. It wouldn't add to their workload much..

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What are they gawping at? A black zipped up
bag? What’s to get excited about?

MomsGotInk · 12/03/2026 11:54

eastegg · 12/03/2026 00:21

What do you think happens when someone dies at home, like my dad did last year? Then there’s no avoiding the fact that a body bag has to be transported into a vehicle in a residential area at whatever time it happens to be. With my dad I think they did something to close the road but that doesn’t stop those who live there being exposed to it.

It’s something I’d never thought about, as OP doesn’t seem to have done either. And then you have to. Like how difficult it can be to get someone downstairs in a dignified way if they died upstairs.

Deal with it I’m afraid.

The same situation happened with my dad 2 years ago-we all lived together & when I took him a cup of tea he had unexpectedly died in the night. I sat with him for a long time before the undertakers came. He had to be brought downstairs to be taken for an autopsy,but my husband wouldn’t let me see them take him from the house. There’s a lot of strange comments on this thread & I’m guessing most of them are made by people who have never had to deal with anything like this

Pudmyboy · 12/03/2026 11:56

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 12/03/2026 10:11

@Pudmyboy you talk about the body being transported across a public street, as though it was hoisted onto their shoulders and walked across the road- ‘to me, to you’, style!
It was moved from the back of a vehicle parked on a private road and into the funeral directors. Private rd. Discreet apart from the OP, who had a good look inside the van, it seems.

Yes I suppose I did fear they would be hoiked about by the straps on the bag. The OP doesn't mention exactly how to bags were moved, though I would hope on some sort of trolley.

BloominNora · 12/03/2026 11:56

YiddlySquat · 12/03/2026 11:45

I find that really sad. The body is the literal embodiment of the person you love, not a carcass to be discarded with as little fuss as possible.

Not to mention these people are busy, it would take forever. And what if they could only park across the road? Would 50 partition screens be used?

Edited
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I get what @YorkStories is saying to be fair. It may be different when it's my dad, mom, husband or god forbid if it was one of my children, but personally I don't view bodies of people who have died because for me it isn't them anymore.

I've went with my dad to my nan's viewing when I was about 14 and it was horrible - not because the body bothered me, but it wasn't her - everything that made her my nan had gone and it became such a core memory that it always comes to mind when I think of her.

Similarly when DHs dad died, we were at the hospital and he asked me to come into the room with him to say goodbye - it just wasn't him anymore, but that image always comes to mind.

I am very much of the view that funerals are for the living - I wouldn't insist on no service because if having one is something that helps my family then that is up to them - I will tell them to do what they want and will make sure they know what music / readings I would choose - but ultimately it will be up to them. I won't know anything about it.

I have been thinking lately that if I get to the point where I know I am going to die soon rather than it being a sudden thing, I might do a living wake and then just pre-arrange a private cremation - that way everyone gets to say a proper goodbye!

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 12/03/2026 12:00

BloominNora · 12/03/2026 11:56

I get what @YorkStories is saying to be fair. It may be different when it's my dad, mom, husband or god forbid if it was one of my children, but personally I don't view bodies of people who have died because for me it isn't them anymore.

I've went with my dad to my nan's viewing when I was about 14 and it was horrible - not because the body bothered me, but it wasn't her - everything that made her my nan had gone and it became such a core memory that it always comes to mind when I think of her.

Similarly when DHs dad died, we were at the hospital and he asked me to come into the room with him to say goodbye - it just wasn't him anymore, but that image always comes to mind.

I am very much of the view that funerals are for the living - I wouldn't insist on no service because if having one is something that helps my family then that is up to them - I will tell them to do what they want and will make sure they know what music / readings I would choose - but ultimately it will be up to them. I won't know anything about it.

I have been thinking lately that if I get to the point where I know I am going to die soon rather than it being a sudden thing, I might do a living wake and then just pre-arrange a private cremation - that way everyone gets to say a proper goodbye!

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We were with Dad when he went. The hospice was incredible with my mum. They made a bed up next to him so she could be with him as he died. It’s less of a dramatic absence if you are there as they go, I think. A bit like walking into a house someone has just left rather than one that’s been standing empty for a long while.
Ah, I’m weeping a tear for dad now. My poor brother was moving house with 3 small DC, so he couldn’t be there and didn’t see him until the next day.

Bex071509 · 12/03/2026 12:01

Could it be that their storage facility was full & therefore had to use the ‘shop front’.

to be honest, I wouldn’t like that either- but I wouldn’t live that close to a funeral directors because of that reason.

unless you moved before this funeral directors was there, I think it’s just part and parcel of living that close to it. It probably done you some favours with your house price as many people wouldn’t want that location so it’s give and take.

Scoooobydooo · 12/03/2026 12:05

When my Mum died at home the funeral directors collected her, placed her in a body bag, onto a stretcher and into their van. Anyone passing would have seen this happening.
Death is part of life. Dealing with the body is part of the process. In no way is seeing a body bag disrespectful. I have the utmost respect for funeral directors and their staff, they were fantastic when my Mum died.
As plenty of others have said, we all will die. We shouldn’t shy away from that fact and create secrecy and fear about a normal part of our existence.

YiddlySquat · 12/03/2026 12:26

Frugalgal · 12/03/2026 11:51

I would be a lot less concerned about the kids seeing it and a big more concerned about the dignity of the deased with all and sundry walking past gawping.

Surely they could put up those portable barrier curtain type things that get used in supermarkets when someone flaked out on the floor or the like. It wouldn't add to their workload much..

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Once again this would attract more attention, and would take an eternity.

And what happens when the ambulance isn’t parked close? Set up hundreds of screens?

ThiagoJones · 12/03/2026 12:34

Frugalgal · 12/03/2026 11:51

I would be a lot less concerned about the kids seeing it and a big more concerned about the dignity of the deased with all and sundry walking past gawping.

Surely they could put up those portable barrier curtain type things that get used in supermarkets when someone flaked out on the floor or the like. It wouldn't add to their workload much..

Show quote history

‘Gawp’ at what? A bag? You cant see anything, the bags aren’t transparent. The person inside the bag can’t be identified, and therefore their dignity is intact.

YiddlySquat · 12/03/2026 12:43

I’m still waiting for people to tell me how bodies can be transported in an effective way without anyone seeing them ever.

BlimeyOReillyO · 12/03/2026 12:48

YiddlySquat · 12/03/2026 12:43

I’m still waiting for people to tell me how bodies can be transported in an effective way without anyone seeing them ever.

In the dead of night, with an invisibility cloak, not of “OPs” private road, being hoiked, flipped, flopped about on the daily!

Im assuming the people that want the screens erected, would be happy to wait the other side of them
until the transfer is complete? As OP had to walk past the open doors to the ambulance as no other route was possible. So this route would be blocked, whilst they transferred them both. Rather than them see OP approach and let her go by and then start? Or once they’d entered the building with one body, she walks past without gawping before they come back for the other,

Starbright102 · 12/03/2026 13:07

YiddlySquat · 12/03/2026 11:50

So you accept it’s a you problem and not for anyone else to change anything?

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Wow, I dont understand why so many people are jumping on me.

In my initial post, I said that I wouldnt like it but aside from move I dont think there is anything else the op can do. I dont think the funeral place is in the wrong.

I was then asked by multiple people why I wouldnt like it. I have said from word go that its simply a personal thing and people have different likes and dislikes. A funeral parlour at the end of a road would put me off moving to a place. If I saw dead bodies regularly be carted about, I probably would move.

Original poster
Habbyhadno · 12/03/2026 13:11

Not sure why one poster is hung up on me ‘gawping’. It was right in front of me, I wasn’t shoving my face in there having a good nose about. Honestly!

OP posts:
BlimeyOReillyO · 12/03/2026 13:14

Habbyhadno · 12/03/2026 13:11

Not sure why one poster is hung up on me ‘gawping’. It was right in front of me, I wasn’t shoving my face in there having a good nose about. Honestly!

Oh go on! You looked in had a good gawp and now want to whinge!

Avert your eyes in future?

Let them get on with their job.

Original poster
Habbyhadno · 12/03/2026 13:17

BlimeyOReillyO · 12/03/2026 13:14

Oh go on! You looked in had a good gawp and now want to whinge!

Avert your eyes in future?

Let them get on with their job.

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You’re being very strange.

OP posts:
category12 · 12/03/2026 13:17

Habbyhadno · 12/03/2026 13:11

Not sure why one poster is hung up on me ‘gawping’. It was right in front of me, I wasn’t shoving my face in there having a good nose about. Honestly!

What were they doing with the bodies that was so disrespectful?

Were they dragging them by the feet? Over the shoulder like Igor in a Frankenstein movie?

BlimeyOReillyO · 12/03/2026 13:21

Habbyhadno · 12/03/2026 13:17

You’re being very strange.

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As are you who has moved into a small private road with a funeral directors and wants them to stop going about their business! 🤣