Funeral directors share our private road - AIBU about what I saw yesterday?

[Habbyhadno]

This is such a random post but…

I live at the top of a private road just off a main road in a small town. At the main road end we have a funeral directors that faces the street, the building is tiny and it’s a branch of another directors in a neighbouring town where the directors is very much a shop front.

I thought this one would be the same, but they do seem to store bodies in there. We’ve had a fair few hearses park on our road as we turn into it (at the side of the shop), I literally have to squeeze my car up the road as obviously hearses take up a lot of space and the road isn’t wide at all, it’s a bit of an inconvenience but whatever.

However, last night me and my three kids 6,8 and 12 were heading out and we were all walking down the road and I spy a private ambulance with the back door open and clearly two bodies were in black bags in the back of the van.

There were two people out there about to start manoeuvring the bodies into the building, but I’m a bit icked out by it all, I don’t really think the kids need to see that and I felt a bit weird about seeing it (there’s not any other way we could have gone as the road is small and there was no getting away from it).

Do you think I should pop in and speak to them about being aware of who is around when they are unloading bodies or AIBU? I just feel like they could make the operation a bit more concealed rather than hoiking them out literally in the street, it seems a bit disrespectful and it’s been playing on my mind. What do I do?

Oh yes the “Fido’s gone to live on a farm”, I actually think pets are a marvellous example of the cycle of life.

I’m sorry your family experienced that, but yes forewarned is forearmed!

I think you're being a bit precious about that.

The cultural aspect is fascinating isn’t it. Mexicans celebrate death with a whole holiday. one side of my DH’s family is Irish, a funeral is treated like a party (in a nice way) and caskets are opened for people to pop into a little room and visit the dead at the wake.

But the Protestant English seem to shit themselves whenever a goldfish dies and scrabble around thinking about how they can hide it from other people. Embracing and accepting it is demonstrably more healthy yet it’s all “mustn’t let the children know the guinea pig snuffed it this morning”

Catholic Irish here, no fear of death or the dead. As you say it’s a celebration.

A much healthier attitude, because death is sure going to come to us all!

I just feel like they could make the operation a bit more concealed rather than hoiking them out literally in the street, it seems a bit disrespectful and it’s been playing on my mind

How on earth was it disrespectful? From what you have written they were on stretchers, not being manhandled and slung over someone’s shoulder or dragged along by their legs from the vehicle to the shop. It’s not exactly Weekend At Bernie’s style either, although I’m getting the vibe that would be okay with you because then ‘they wouldn’t seem dead’.

@Pudmyboy you talk about the body being transported across a public street, as though it was hoisted onto their shoulders and walked across the road- ‘to me, to you’, style!
It was moved from the back of a vehicle parked on a private road and into the funeral directors. Private rd. Discreet apart from the OP, who had a good look inside the van, it seems.

Better than dog kennels!

This thread makes me so glad to be Irish.
I’m happy I can see not only a loved one, but Suzie the auld doll from down the street, give her a wee kiss on the cheek and tell her she’s looking fab in her Sunday best and wish her well on her way!
Far, far better than the attitude some on her have that death is something disgusting to be hidden away.
That version doesn’t seem respectful or dignified at all imo.

Perhaps that poster would prefer those rather unnerving Victorian death photographs where the deceased is propped up and photographed with the rest of the family, sometimes with their head held upright in a sort of clamp and eyes painted onto their closed eyelids to give the impression of life.

Surely you understand that a family may want to sit with their deceased loved one, do you expect them to go and sit in a storage facility on an industrial estate surrounded by other dead bodies ? The building by you may have a chapel of rest for families to be with their loved one. Don't move next to a church then complain about the bells.

That would have, irrationally, pissed me off. What are these children taught is on their plates? So many people are detached from the circle of life. It’s very bizarre.

Oh I was the “baddy” because I dared to say the truth!

No, sorry, the birds dead, it won’t be coming back to life.

It would not bother me as I have a very matter of fact view of death.This does not sound like a very suitable place for a funeral directors if there is no private space. I wonder how they got planning permission.

Kids do need to see it. Death is a reality for all of us. It can come at any time. Let's not pretend it doesn't exist. A dead body is not something we need to avoid looking at or be scared of.

The industry isn't actually regulated. There was a Sky News piece on this about a year ago and the phrase used was, 'They all mark their own homework' in the event of complaints. From the gov website:

"There is no bespoke regulatory regime for funeral directors in England and Wales and Northern Ireland, although funeral directors providing pre-paid funeral plans are subject to regulation by the Financial Conduct Authority.

Industry bodies – the National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD) and the National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF) – set and monitor best practice and quality standards for funeral directors, but membership of these organisations is voluntary. Codes of practice issued by the NAFD and SAIF for their members do not have statutory force.

The funeral sector more broadly is subject to other statutory and regulatory frameworks, including those governing health and safety, competition, and consumer law."

I’ve a very pragmatic view about death but I still wouldn’t want to see body bags with bodies in them in my street. How about talking to them (the funeral directors not the bodies) They will want to keep their neighbours happy. No need for it to anything other than a friendly chat.

hang on......wasn't this post on here last year?

I am surprised the funeral directors don't have a yard for the discreet unloading of bodies. It is very disrespectful to the dead, to allow the general public to gawp at the body bags.

If you live in a street the chances are several of your neighbours will die and therefore be on your street in body bags.

It’s not her private road!

It’s very disrespectful of the general public to gawp at the body bags, they don’t have to!

Then whinge about it!

Crikey are they not capable of looking away?

I wouldnt like this at all. Would find it a bit unnerving. Not sure what you can do though other than move

Why is it disrespectful?

Don’t move into a street with a funeral directors in it then?

Situation avoided.

OP perhaps should’ve taken the same measures.

Why is it unnerving?

I genuinely find it fascinating how squeamish some people are about death. I mean, it’s not taboo, it happens to every single one of us so why do people feel it should be hidden and hushed up?