To decline 24 month health check with HV?

[netballlls]

I had a really bad experience with my first HV when DC was born.

I would ask for advice and she would tell me to read the Red Book.
She was quite pushy and told us that it was the law to have a HV.
She insisted on looking in our bedroom and all around the house.

I had a very traumatic birth, required a transfusion etc and after a week long stay in hospital.

I didn't really feel like breastfeeding as I was ill and severely tired on antibiotics and she was basically telling me what to do which I didn't appreciate.

Ignored his severe acid reflux and at my persistence was diagnosed with CMPA with the GP.

She was useless.

I complained to her manager annd Opted Out and after the 2nd visit and never heard from her again.

I was bothered again when DC was 10 months old about the 12 month check and again was advised it was "mandatory".
This particular HV was quite intimidating on the phone and again a swift email to her manager stopped her contacting me.

We moved house last year and again I Opted Out but received 2/3 calls from the HV.
Wanted to come to the house.
Asked a lot of intrusive questions, again after I advised her I was Opting Out.

I haven't heard anything of her since last January and I don't want to have any more contact with them as I don't find them supportive but rather intimidating, pushy and nosey.
Any contact makes me quite anxious with them and brings back bad memories from the first one.

Would it flag up if i declined?
I am thinking of taking DC to the GP to see if they would be able to do the check.

AIBU?

So sorry you’ve had such a traumatic experience.
For the sake of my child’s health, I would have the 24 month check, but would follow the same line as you’ve suggested & talk to the GP surgery to see if they can take over or advise an alternative person.
Best wishes.

@CleanSkin- Thank you.
We are both quite keen for him to be checked over but just don't want to go through all that again.

I fill out the e consult Triage form today to see if the GP would be able to do it.

My understanding is that if there was an issue we would be referred anyway to the appropriate specialist/team?

Are you sure the 24month check would be at your house. Ours were with the health visitor at the doctors surgery

No the check would be at the clinic.

I’m not sure it’s reasonable to expect the GP to do the check, they presumably don’t typically do it either so it’s better a health visitor does it. And as you say it’s at a clinic so no need to snoop in your home. I’d have the check with the health visitor as it’s for your son, and then you don’t have to see them again.

In our area they send out the questionnaire for parents to look through and if the parents have any concerns they make an appointment. They don’t see all children here now except for vaccines. Could you request the questionnaire to do the checks yourself? It’s very basic such as can they climb stairs, vocabulary, follow instructions and they don’t actually “check” the cold over or anything.

I'd be surprised if the GP would do it as it's not a medical check (apart from weight I guess), it's to check their development. You can opt out if you want (I did with my youngest) but I'd download the ages and stages form and check it all yourself. Then if you have any specific concerns you can seek advice.

Yes they sent me the questionnaire with the appointment letter.
I have to complete it prior to the visit and then at the visit I guess DC will maybe asked to do a few things?

The gp won't be equipped or trained to do it. I just recently had mine. It's all puzzles, flash cards and baby dolls. Apart from height and weight it's not medical at all. A developmental psychologist could prob do it but they're very expensive.

It’s not mandatory and I am confident about assessing my own 24 month’s development — plus preschool would flag any concerns — so I happily declined the 24 month check. I just called the general HV service and said I didn’t want the appointment they had scheduled for me and to please remove me from the service. It is NOT mandatory. I found her so rude and patronising at the 12 month check I knew I wouldn’t see the HV again. With my second baby I plan to have the 8 week check as they’re so vulnerable at that age and need weighing etc but will probably decline future checks.

Yes I second the advice to just check the questionnaire yourself just to check you’re happy.

When I told the receptionist I was Opting Out the HV still called and persisted in calling me.
Asking such intrusive questions, about our work, our mental health etc.
She spoke to me as if I was a child in a baby voice "Is the Dad OK? How is his mental health?"

Does your child go to childcare at all? It is mandatory for nurseries / childminders to complete a 2 year review so you could just ask them if they have any concerns.

I'd go if I were you. It leads to appointments with physios, speech therapists etc. if things aren't on track and early intervention is really important. I hate these appointments too but I suck it up in my child's best interests.

Tell them to piss right off which is what I did have after letting two utter cows into our home! It’s not compulsory and a load of bollocks, sorry to be blunt but I can’t stand them!

No DC isn't any nursery.
I have a concern about something on the list which I wanted to discuss with the GP.

You can request a different HV, or you can opt out completely. If you decide to opt out the HV might follow up your request as HVs are one of the first frontline workers to be questioned if a child dies. This explains why they can be quite persistent.

I’m sorry you had a bad experience. HVs are registered nurses who have completed a course to qualify as a HV.

Another reason to go is to have it on file that you did. If your child has an accident and ends up in a&e and they're suspicious (as they always are with small children) your non-attendance could come against you in terms of them involving social services. I know this for a fact from someone who works in this field.

What do you want the alternative to be?

Lots of people opt out when it’s nothing to do with prior experiences, just not wanting the faff or a stranger intruding. These may be chaotic families who do absolutely need a check in.

do want them to go “no problem you know your bubz, your bubba your rules hun xox’

It’s basic bloody safeguarding

this is a developmental check. If you want to opt out they, need to ask why.

GP isn’t going to do it for you

FWIW I also had a fucking odd patronising health visitor, but I just asked for another one and reported back that I felt talked down to.

Being a parent is a series of weird interventions with other adults, you need to learn to advocate for yourself without being defensive or taking it personally

I didn't have bad experiences but have come to take everything they say with a pinch of salt.

I would go, but if you don't have any specific concerns you can be confident and don't let them belittle you. For example, I had to tick off a list of words that my 2yo could use, but it was such an arbitrary list and he could say many many more words than were listed. Then she totted up the scores and was like ooh he's a bit on the low end for communication. I wasn't having any of it, just because he wasn't talking specifically about juice and school doesn't mean he couldn't communicate.

She also got on my case about potty training, which again I was like we have a plan in place and will be tackling it shortly. No need to engage further than that.

I didn't get anything useful from the appointment, but I am glad I went so that had there been any real issues they could have been caught.

Is it developmental or medical?

To be honest I think your updates change things. It's your first child, he isn't in childcare (so no contact with any other professionals), and you have a concern. I'd go to the check.

I feel if there’s something on the developmental check that’s worrying you and he has no professionals with child development understanding involved in his life at all then I’d be tempted to attend.

Is the thing you’re worried about something the GP could help with?

Wholeheartedly agree with this, despite finding these encounters generally patronising and the HVs often unhelpful.

I deliver safeguarding training to social care staff, and the number of times a serious case review highlights a lack of questions being asked of parents who don't engage with services is so incredibly frustrating and saddening. You don't have to engage, but professionals should ask why because if they have concern for a child, it needs to be taken seriously. If your child is safe, this is inconvenient. If your child isn't safe, this is potentially life-saving.

My kids are teens now but the health visitor with mine was useless. I’m sorry you’ve had such a negative experience.