To decline 24 month health check with HV?

[netballlls]

I had a really bad experience with my first HV when DC was born.

I would ask for advice and she would tell me to read the Red Book.
She was quite pushy and told us that it was the law to have a HV.
She insisted on looking in our bedroom and all around the house.

I had a very traumatic birth, required a transfusion etc and after a week long stay in hospital.

I didn't really feel like breastfeeding as I was ill and severely tired on antibiotics and she was basically telling me what to do which I didn't appreciate.

Ignored his severe acid reflux and at my persistence was diagnosed with CMPA with the GP.

She was useless.

I complained to her manager annd Opted Out and after the 2nd visit and never heard from her again.

I was bothered again when DC was 10 months old about the 12 month check and again was advised it was "mandatory".
This particular HV was quite intimidating on the phone and again a swift email to her manager stopped her contacting me.

We moved house last year and again I Opted Out but received 2/3 calls from the HV.
Wanted to come to the house.
Asked a lot of intrusive questions, again after I advised her I was Opting Out.

I haven't heard anything of her since last January and I don't want to have any more contact with them as I don't find them supportive but rather intimidating, pushy and nosey.
Any contact makes me quite anxious with them and brings back bad memories from the first one.

Would it flag up if i declined?
I am thinking of taking DC to the GP to see if they would be able to do the check.

AIBU?

I declined with my first because the previous appointments had been pointless, and I had an experienced nanny and a great childminder who I could check in with. I will do the same going forward. I would make a proper hardcore complaint about them lying to you and claiming that it's mandatory, which it absolutely isn't.

I declined any more HVs after the 3rd visit as I was unhappy with the service. I found the first couple of visits useful as I was home alone with a premature baby but after that, I wasn't finding the service useful so I declined to see them again. Nothing ever came of it, its a service you can opt out of. Providing you're on top of care such as GP visits when needed etc, no one will ever bother about it.
The nursery were pushy for me to have the visit when toddler was about 3 or 4, I can't remember when exactly, even offering to have the HV at nursery, which I declined. Nursery were more bothered than anyone else, I don't think they were used to people declining.

I declined all of mine after the first couple of visits for my first child as they were completely pointless (for me, not saying they have no benefit for others). My babies were meeting all milestones and I had no particular concerns so not sure what benefit we could have gained. I appreciate the safeguarding angle so I told them they were free to come around and check that my house was fine, children alive and kicking etc, which one did when we moved to a new borough.

When mine were born I didn't have any visits at home at all apart from midwife. I just turned up at the baby clinics for weighing and with any concerns.

I just don't find the service helpful, any issues and we have always been to the GP.

I completely understand the safeguarding issues but again the HV is an optional service, parents should be entitled to say no.

DC is seen regularly by the GP, has seen a paediatrician and has regular dental appointments.

What has really put me off is the pushy attitude and the lies claiming their service was mandatory.
That's bullying tactics and that itself isn't very professional.

Since you moved is it the same HV or a different one?

Can you not ask for a different one, and explain you had issues with previous that made you really want to opt out entirely but you're willing to give another one a shot.

They're probably being pushy as no nursery or anything so no one has really been checking development and no one else really gets official eyes on your child. Mine goes to nursery and they complete regular development assessments, they're also trained in safe guarding so there is someone else that would report anything suspicious like weight loss, bruising, big differences in development compared to where most are etc.

It's all liability. Imagine someone was neglecting their child. Leaving them home alone, never taking them out, they're underweight, malnourished, behind in development and socialisation. Refused all medical input. No HV, no checkups, no vaccines, never takes for medical care. Then one day an accident happens while left alone, child in hospital in an awful state. Medics being police and SS in and its all over the news. People are asking why it got so far, why no flags raised, why no one noticed or reported.

But equally someone could be a SAHM so no childcare, opted out of HV, child rarely ill and not needed medical attention but developed well, socialised at toddler classes, very well loved and looked after and overall perfect.

They can't tell whether its first or second situation without getting eyes on, so they need to push all parents rejecting input to make sure it isnt the former.

No, you don't have to see a HV, OP. if you can afford it, I'd book a private paediatrician to do the 2 year check. My experience was that they were polite, thorough, on time and you get a whole hour to ask any questions, which they answer fully and with good grace.

I think it depends on what experience you have. I didn't hesitate or think twice with DS as I'd had a fab one with DD. However a different team at the 2 year check and I was told DS would be overweight starting school. For context he was born off the chart for weight (lovely 10lb before my due date) but by the 2 year check he'd slimmed to just above the 75th centile. These are normal drops and actually nothing to be concerned about generally. I just looked at her stunned whilst me and my DD who are both on the slimmer side of normal BMI sat there. Had I been a first time mum it could have been really difficult to deal with. He's now about to turn 5, an active little boy that still fits nicely in his age 4-5 clothing and now I have to take in the elasticated waist on his school trousers otherwise he flashes his skinny bum to all.

The lying by the first ones is unacceptable.

However, you’ve moved so won’t it be different ones?

If you’ve got concerns about one of the aspects of the check then you really need to focus on that rather than the HV’s. In many areas, especially speech, early intervention can make a huge difference and the check, is the first step to getting that.

I'm with the op, except for the expectation that the GP may do the 24 month check.

I had my first 31 years ago when GP's were more reasonably expected to conduct the checks because they commissioned the HV checks. That is no longer the case.

My HV was useless. 23, incompetent and disinterested. She thougjt it appropriate to instruct me to breastfeed but when I asked for help, told me to go the NCT because she wasn't an expert. She was also unable to answer any questions about vaccination and I don't believe knew how to use a wristwatch. She was as patronising as she was incompetent and instructed me to have my baby weighed. I went once, it was filthy and there were no appointments given which is fine if one goes from choice; not from instruction. Add to all that the fact that she was unable to explain to me her role.

There is no legal obligation in the UK to accept the HV service although they have an obligaation to offer it. This is not made transparent and it is disingenuous and wrong because it is set out in statute. I wrote and confirmed my withdrawal from the service, noting the reasons why and copying my GP and the CEO of the providing Trust.

Had I had any concerns about my children's development they woukd have been referred to an appropriate qualified consultant, as they were referred for significant ear issues when the NHS wouldn't refer to ENT and when friends who had children with similar were being told utter codswallop by the local HVs. AFAIWC the HV service was a complete waste of resources and had an HV ever referred to me as "mum" or DH as "dad" they'd have been swiftly reminded of our names.

Vis a vis safeguarding one sees the GP and countless midwives throughout pg and midwives, who take a full clinical and social history could easily flag concerns.

Caveat - I had the confidence to do that because we were not dependent on the NHS and had good, professional jobs and no social concerns whatsoever.

PS - back then the centiles were not described in a manner that was statistically correct.

She misrepresented the HV service when she said it was mandatory in order to scare OP into compliance.

That's a pretty big abuse of power and not going to establish any trust is it?

I don’t think it’s a terrible idea to have someone neutral (i.e. not you as we all think our DC are perfect!) check they’re meeting milestones. Especially since they’re not in nursery. And they’re your first so you don’t have a point of comparison either. A GP isn’t trained in doing the review so shouldn’t and wouldn’t do it. And it seems like a bit of a waste of time and money to book it with a private paediatrician just because your last HV 2 years ago wasn’t great. It’ll be a totally different person this time and like with any profession you get good ones and bad ones- you wouldn’t avoid seeing the GP because a gruff one 2 years would you?

Totally irrelevant but I'm surprised you get a 2 year check, I phoned to ask for one and got told 12 months then 28 months 😨 huge gap I felt in what is a much harder phase, they were here constantly in the baby days and that was much easier than navigating a toddler lol

Actually, in a specialism that is prerry much enforced and where patients can't chose the provider, I think there's an obligation to provide a service where every practitioner is pitch perfect, if the authorities want all mothers to avail themselves of it.

Also, I was perfectly capable of notimg the milestones and my child's progress towards them. If I had concerns I'd have referred them to an appropriately qualified and experienced doctor. I don't think my HV woukd have bovvered with an iota of thoroughness and certainly couldn't comment or think beyond the leaflet.

I used to do these checks and it was standard to book children in for around 27 months. And just to reassure as someone said up thread that theirs was "a month early" - the questionnaires are based on specific age of the child at the time of the check so if your appointment is "ahead" then the age of the questionnaire is adjusted accordingly.

Also agree with the comments about HVs being damned either way - the team I worked in was so overstretched they would probably honestly have loved for a few "bog standard" families to opt out! They don't follow up and check in cos they have nothing else to do, they are absolutely run off their feet with massive caseloads.

A GP won't do the development check - doubt most of them have ever even seen the questionnaire before, let alone administered it.

That would enrage me and I would put in a complaint.
I find some HVs love to create a drama.
A HV refused to believe a work colleague was EBF and marched into her kitchen and started pulling cupboards open, looking for baby formula
Officious madam

@GinaandGin - I contacted PALS about this as she just want accepting I didn't want the service.

She also called me up advising me she was visiting my neighbour and if she could pop in, when I told her I had had contacted PALS her attitude changed to " Oh well you know where we are if you need us".

Next time I will Opting Out from early and making it clear I do not want the service.

It maybe helpful for some but for me it was useless and I was met with bullying, lies and intimidation.

28 months is the ‘2 year check’

28 months is 2 years old.

If the HV service was mandatory it would cut out a lot of fuss. Parents would just have to accept it and engage with the service.

Currently HVs spend a lot of time and effort trying to see families. Some are just reluctant to engage because they don’t feel they need the service. Others avoid engaging with any professional because they have something to hide. HVs have no way of knowing who is who. What is known, is that the minute a red flag regarding safeguarding issues is raised, the question “why haven’t they been seen by the HV?” Is asked.

If everyone had to have the service it would be easier to identify the families with something sinister to hide.

And some people, like the OP, encounter an officious HV who, rather than being helpful, tries to lie about their service being mandatory and threatening the parents either all sorts of dreadful possibilities of they don’t engage!! And, sadly, there are too many of them around!!

@netballlls honestly, can't you see a different health visitor? I know a lot of them are pretty useless but if you get a good one it makes all the difference.
Our wonderful health visitor was instrumental in early intervention and support for our complex needs child. No issues at 15 months but did 24 month check at 21 months because of our concerns and there were multiple red flags. Will be forever grateful to her.

My experience of HV's is that they have been pretty useless and I tend to just ignore their advice and do my own research.

I skipped the 2 year check with my second child as my late husband was terminally ill, I knew she was meeting her milestones and we just... couldn't fit yet another appointment in just to have boxes ticked.

I've had one who was surprised I was still breastfeeding after a year (seriously! This was 15 years ago and I hope attitudes have changed). One who tried to tell me my daughter's excessive dribbling was because she was bottlefed (it isn't... she has adenoid issues and is now under the care of ENT, no thanks to the HV!). One who told me to try controlled crying (I told her no way, even as a young ft mum at 25, I wasn't listening to that). They have generally just been a bit patronising and the advice has been a bit shit.

YANBU OP. Check the milestones lists yourself, seek help if you have concerns. Otherwise it's just a waste of time.

They will be concerned that nobody has seen you or baby and something isnt right at home. Whatever they do they cant win if something were wrong they would be slated for not pursuing a situation. Id take your toddler in show them everything is fine and never see them again.

I must admit I get conspiracy theory vibes from some of these posts, HV are just doing their job and they have saved many children from abuse, neglect etc and picked up on conditions that if left untreated would have caused problems. They have to ask questions and coming to your house helps pick up on things, they also ask you about your mental health for good reason, they are not trying to catch you out. They don’t care if your house is messy as long as safe for a child to live there. Of course some may sound a bit officious but I suspect it could be as a result of how they are treated. And no it’s not reasonable for you to ask your gp to do a check up, they are not experts in child development, health visitors are. It’s not a big conspiracy it’s to ensure children get a good start in life because unfortunately not all do