To feel guilted into being vegan??? AIBU?

[CradleMable]

I saw quite a traumatic animal welfare video a few days ago, which had the purpose of trying to encourage viewers to become vegan.

I am not a huge meat lover, but love the occasional beef burger, steak or nice roast dinner. I am a bit of a dairy fiend though, so not sure how I would cope.

However the video pointed towards the awful treatment of farm animals, being separated from their babies after mere hours together, and being slaughtered themselves at a relatively young age, after a life of being exploited.

I haven’t really considered the welfare of farm animals much in my life, if I’m honest, and I feel quite bad for admitting that. Now I’m wondering if what we do to these animals is fair, and I thought posting on here might help me consider both sides to the argument.

AIBU to now feel compelled to drastically change my diet in support of animal welfare?

I was like you 10 years ago. I watched 'Forks over Knives', and then 'Earthlings'. I was horrified. I honestly had no idea about the dairy industry - maybe I was just a bit thick, but I thought cows needed to be milked, and it certainly wasn't harmful. When they take their babies away I was so upset. My friend who grew up on a dairy farm told me that every calving season the mothers would make the most gut wrenching sound for ages after their babies were taken away. I was breastfeeding at the time and I was so horrified I went full vegan overnight. I did become quite militant (and annoying) about it. It was like my eyes were suddenly opened up and I was so shocked that this horrific abuse was just happening right under our noses and everyone was fine with it. Like most people I had a lot of bumps in the road with the diet - first off got more healthy, lost weight, more energized, joined all the groups etc. Then by year 2 I was starting to feel crap. Long story short by year 4 I was so sick and ended up on B12 and iron shots for years. I tried everything to stay on the vegan diet (I was very stubborn) but ultimately I gave up for my health. My husband literally begged me to stop as he said I looked grey.

I remember having vivid dreams about rotiserrie chicken and just CRAVING it, and one day I just bought some and sat in a car park devouring it like a crazy person. It was like a primal urge and I just couldn't get enough. Must have looked very attractive haha. I concluded then that Im meant to eat meat. I found it interesting that the groups I was in just would not acknowledge when someone was struggling - when their health wasn't optimum. With four kids I needed energy - and at least not to be sick and sleeping all the time. I think it happens a lot but the vegan community just don't want to hear it and you get ostracised.

I am sure some people do thrive on it, but from what I saw most people don't. I think we have reserves of iron and vit b12 but after years 2 and 3 the depletion hits and we just can't get it back with a vegan diet. It was a very very common story.

Everybody is different though. Just my experience.

I stopped eating meat in the 80s due to BSE (aka mad cow disease) exposing the true horror of industrial farming methods. Like a previous poster, I eat eggs from hens I know are genuinely free range (neighbours hens) but do still consume dairy. I know this is hypocritical but I am human and fallible and I don't see the point in letting the best become the enemy of the good. I have drastically reduced my diary consumption over the years and will often have oat milk instead.

Those are the choices I am comfortable with, you have to make the choices that will work for you. Mindfulness over animal welfare standards and being more choosy about the meat you eat and consequently eating less, more humanely kept and less processed meat will benefit your health and the environment as well as animals.

Talk to ex-vegans not vegans or vegetarians about this. The propaganda from that side is rife. If you have struggled with anaemia (which I have) you are at deep risk of it getting far far worse, to the point of becoming dangerous.

I was hospitalised for it, and took years and years of shots to get it back to normal and even now (10 years later) have to eat a lot of steak regularly and multivits and still slip into anaemia at times. I know my 4 years of being vegan complelely buggered me up.

I thought from your title that another person was pressuring you into becoming vegan. When what's actually happened is that the film has made a crack in the cognitive dissonance you usually apply to square the circle of not wanting to hurt animals while liking the way they taste.
Your thread will end up a typical vegan bashing one with vegans being blamed for exerting pressure, for lying, exaggerating and misrepresenting animal welfare issues.
You will be told veganism is unnatural and will make you ill. That vegans are hypocrits who eat fake food that's worse for the world. That its possible to eat meat from sources where animals live lovely lives and are happy to die.
All of this will repair the crack in your cognitive dissonance and you can go on eating as you please, which is entirely your choice.
What I will say is that since switching to veganism 5 years ago, my health has improved in every way. I'm two stone lighter, fit as a fiddle and minor health issues have disappeared. The animal welfare benefit is a bonus. The real benefit is to me. Its one of the best decisions I've made for my health.

Then a reasonable and balance approach might be to consider some sort of moral hierarchy. Consume what you need to remain healthy, and then focus on reducing your meat intake once that box is ticked. Once your own health needs are met, the rest of your diet can focus on more ‘ethical’ choices. The problem with the vegan / vegetarian movements is they can be a bit ‘all or nothing’. In reality, everyone dropping one portion of meat per week would be far more impactful than you going entirely meat free.

It's completely your choice. I was vegetarian for a long time before I went vegan -then I got to the stage where I couldn't justify it any more. Plenty of decent vegan milks. Cheese can be a bit hit and miss -most supermarkets have loads of vegan options

I've been vegan 7 years now. Not health problems

You can take a middle road of eating less meat, of higher quality, bought from a local butcher. Dairy is harder because it is inherently cruel, but again you can have less.
A vegan diet might be less cruel for animals, but anyone eating a lot of soy or other plant-based packaged food is contributing to poor environmental factors. To have a guilt-free diet you need to be growing a lot of your own stuff or buying expensive local veg boxes.

This is just absurd nonsense. I probably was veggie then but I have done three triathlons. A half marathon. Several 10ks. Five ks. I'm not unhealthy. If you looked at me you wouldn't be able to tell whether I'm vegan or not. This is 2026 -people have the right to choice over their own diets without negative labels being applied to them just because they don't eat meat and dairy.

Maybe I'm a little too suspicious, but this seems for want of a better word a little propaganda-ery to me.

If you're considering a vegan diet I'm sure there are plenty more suitable places to research than AIBU.

Would being a vegetarian, rather than a vegan, be a good way forward? You could choose higher-welfare dairy products.

This is about doing what you realistically can to make a difference, you can't solve animal welfare problems, so there is no point in setting yourself up to fail by committing to something you're going to struggle with. It sounds as though the transition to vegetarianism would be much more realistic for you, given your health condition, than becoming a vegan.

I hear what you are saying. However, I know you will have experienced ex vegans like me who had to stop due to their bad health. So there is that other group that, unlike you, it just didn't work for and wasn't healthy. All i would hear for years was I wasn't doing it right, I needed to try something else, add more of xyz in my diet, I did all the things and still got very very sick. My god how I wanted it to work, how desperate I was for it to be true that I didn't need to eat animals. But I did.

So there was no cognitive dissonance on my part, and on the part of many many ex-vegans who were like me. I hope your good health continues.

A meat eater will be doing the same if they eat fruit from certain countries. Or if they buy certain flowers. Or if they wear certain types of diamonds. Lots of things aren't ethical. I don't eat soy. I don't eat foods with palm oil in either. I don't think we need to go down the route of -but your diets not guilt free either -its about making choices with the budget you have available

Both the meat industry and dairy are cruel. There are plenty of dairy free choices

You can get vegan rice crispies (Lidl). Their own brand wheat bisks are also vegan. Aldis vegan food range is decent and if someone drinks wine -lots of their wine is vegan too

Both Lidl and Aldi cleaning products are vegan. Aldi do cruelty free perfume too

It's actually not that difficult to be vegan these days -it might seem daunting going from eating meat to not overnight but it can be done

There are also plenty of vegan recipe groups online. I know a few people who aren't vegan but who eat a lot of vegan meals

It has to be your choice. I personally feel better being vegan than I was vegetarian.

Some people feel the notion of being vegan absurd -I feel the same way about eating meat.

OP

What about the rabbits? Farmers have to get rid of them before they ruin crops. Is it better to use them as food or to do something else with them?

Farm animals are bread to be farm animals, they would not exist without humans farming them.

Thank you. And I'm sorry it didn't work out for you when you had strong ethical reasons for wanting it to. My diet is health driven, as I said, the ethics are a bonus. If I became unwell I would review my diet, so no judgement here.
I don't know how old you are, but I think healthy veganism is easier for post menopausal women like me, as the iron is less of an issue.
Not everyone applies CD, of course. I spoke about that in specific reference to the OP who has 'guilty knowledge' now that she feels is a pressure.
Threads about veganism tend to attract militant meat eaters who seem very angry at the idea people are vegan, and so are often one sided. I'm just saying that my experience is different, not that no other experiences exist.

I think sometimes “going vegan” can feel like a massive commitment so I would suggest experimenting with cutting some stuff out and trying some new foods, without putting pressure on yourself. I decided to “try eating vegan for a bit” at the start of this year and have kept it up (and think it’s pretty much permanent for me now!) but I think it helped to not have the pressure of telling everyone “I’m a vegan now”

How is it rude? They're sharing their experience? Sorry it made you uncomfortable.

I really don't give it a second thought. I eat meat with most meals. I still skin and gut rabbits to eat. Eat what you want, just don't preach to others!

It’s not going to suit everyone. I have a friend who has been vegan for 25 years and it has caused her health issues (she also eats very little fruit/veg/protein, so it’s not being vegan itself that’s the entire issue really).

I think people who push for veganism would get much further getting everyone to cut down their dairy/meat, rather than a percentage giving up completely, would have a bigger impact.

I am!

But it’s upto you. Read up, think, decide for yourself.

So my journey begins 40+ years ago…. These were the questions/prompts.

Cheap mince as a student (and thinking what exactly is in this?),
Home killed meat on a later farm holiday.
Reading up about incidences of stomach cancers in heavy meat eaters vs those who eat minimal meat.
Tv programme comparing religious slaughter vs ‘humane’ slaughter - I didn’t think much of either and thought if I couldn’t kill an animal it was hypocritical to expect someone else to.
Battery egg production.
Animal welfare and the quest for companies to maximise profits.
Over use of antibiotics and other drugs in meat production.

So we gradually, not out and out deliberately, ate less meat. Until we stopped.

No one single factor.

All children brought up vegetarian - they could eat what they wanted at others’ houses but no meat was on offer in ours.

Our two daughters in their later teenage/young adult years rebelled - as teenagers often do. They went vegan, cutting out dairy and eggs.

After a year or two they questioned us - why hadn’t we taken that extra step?

So after a bit of experimenting with non dairy milks, cheeses etc we gradually went vegan. No big change, no sudden announcements.

No regrets and as a bonus I lost weight. Bloods etc all good.

If I’m asked about it I’ll answer otherwise I keep fairly quiet.

But it does rile me sometimes when people go on about cute lambs, piglets, calves etc. - and then are happy to eat them. Cognitive dissonance.

But it’s for you, your decision.

Fairly easily. In some respects it was easier in the early days before a lot of smaller brands were sold to the powerhouses who test on animals in order to sell to China. Mac cosmetics was cruelty free until they sold up, for example.

When I was young I was lucky to live in Brighton, we had the body shop. Also, Beauty without cruelty, Molton Brown, Cosmetics to go (now Lush) and a few more. Cleaning things well, the Co-op was a leader on stopping testing on cleaning things and other animal welfare regarding their products, they were pretty groundbreaking in the supermarket sector. Now pretty much all supermarket cleaning materials are not tested on animals making shopping easy and cheaper and tbf they are just as good as the main brands.

As an an addition…

I don’t buy or wear leather, have avoided leather in cars and use animal product free cleaners etc.

I became a vegetarian in the late 1960s because I was young and it was a less expensive way to eat than meat, and plus it was "cool". I remained a vegetarian for the next four decades, but my reason for doing so changed a couple of times from economic necessity to religious strictures to moral reasons to health and a mixture of all of these and perhaps others. I slid into being a vegan about 15-20 years ago (dairy being difficult for me to give up, but I did it eventually). My reason for that is also a mixture of many of these same reasons. Plus having not eaten meat or fish for so long, I don't like them now.

I'm saying this because I think to sustain any sort of dietary change you have to be committed to it, not just have one motivation that may also change as you grow older. You might want to look at intentionally going meatless on one day of the week to build up a repertoire of recipes you like, gradually extending that as you get more accustomed a plant-based diet and finding ways to cook with different sources of protein. Similarly, switching to a plant-based milk might take some trial and error for you to find one (or a combination of a couple) that taste okay to you. There are egg replacers, but some are much much better than others (I can tell you what I use, but if you're interested, you might want to start a thread to see what others are using.) But vegan cheese, however, hasn't (yet) been able to replicate milk-based cheeses, so don't beat yourself up if you find yourself lapsing that way.

As you can see, I'm not a "preachy" vegan and am pretty relaxed around people who choose to eat whatever they want (as long as they don't force me to). I actually shy away from those sort of vegans and find that people who become vegan solely for animal welfare are sometimes highly represented in this demographic.

I wish you well in however you decide to change your diet.

Am pretty sure the animals in cages with no room to even itch and itch, or have never felt the sunshine on their face or smelled fresh air who live a short life of cruelty to then be killed would rather not have been born at all.

Always a naff argument saying they wouldn't exist.