To be concerned my husband is taking a step back in his career

[EdgyCrow]

My husband is a senior commercial manager on a huge infrastructure project. He works extremely hard and always has (working until midnight multiple times a week and frequently on weekends). He earns a good salary but over the last 6 months has started to absolutely hate his job, is so stressed/angry and feels its far too much work.
He started talking about wanting to take a step back and have someone appointed above him. This made me nervous wondering if he'd be pushed out. He reached out to his boss who was very supportive who said they really valued him and thought he was doing a great boss but they would put someone in above him if that what he wanted. The next couple of weeks he continued to be very stressed and overworked and was so miserable. Today they are starting g the transition for someone to come in above him and im just so anxious about how it will play out. Has he talked himself out of a job? He says he is relieved and looking forward to not doing the management side. They haven't mentioned a pay cut but im worried that might happen? I feel guilty that I haven't been more supportive of him protecting his well being but have been preoccupied with what the financial impact will be in these expensive times!
For what its worth, we live below our means and do have surplus money each month so could technically afford a drop but have big plans for the money for our future.

I am sorry that I misread your post and thought that you had personally contacted your husband's boss, but nonetheless you have been very unreasonable in your expectations of your his working hours. He might have been doing this insane workload for the whole time you've known him, but now he's getting older and has a family to juggle.

I don’t understand why are you getting such hard time over his working hours. There are professions where it is normal and it is expected. I no longer work weekends but I do work late after I put kids to bed very often still, and if I still worked at private practice I would have worked a lot more.

usually these are professions that are well paid and people who act absolutely flabbergasted by that are the same people who are not well paid but who at the same time just cannot comprehend working after 5 pm. (Or full time. Or working at all, sometimes eye 🙄)

Your husband sounds like he’s burned out and may benefit from a break but don’t waste your time defending yourself to people here

"I still struggle to accept that people wouldn't have a single thought about the financial image of a pay cut to their family finances"

Of course they would think about it ; just like you and your husband would have done when you went part time at work.

People can't understand why him taking a similar step back when he is clearly struggling and working much longer hours than you were prompted a post on Mumsnet about the financial impact. It was probably for the best you posted it here though; I can imagine he would have been incredibly hurt if you raised it with him instead.

Luxurious lifestyle on 150K 😂😂😂😂 OMG 😂😂😂😂

you are dripping with jealousy

I agree.

Its hardly surprising that the OP lacks self-awareness though, given the thread ahe has started.

My personal take on this is he has clearly seen he was burning out. Burn out can end up with weeks off work and quite often being made redundant

I was working for a medium sozed company in a high up position ….. well paid but I felt I could never switch off. Saw projects coming to an end so knew redundancy was likely. Have had to do temp
jobs (that taught me a lot) and have finally landed somewhere I think I might belong. Less money but decent pension and I’d be happier working an extra couple of years where I am
actually working my hours and ending up a basket case just my 2 cents

Nobody should be working until midnight frequently, not surprised he's had enough. Sounds like he's been covering two roles hence a smart suggestion to split it into two. Maybe you could up YOUR hours if you are worried about income dropping.

I think your husband is being very self-aware and responsible here. It’s okay to work 24/7 if you absolutely love your job, but expecting someone to work these crazy hours when they don’t enjoy what they’re doing is a lot to ask from a person.
As I see it, you have two options: support him and take the payout, or keep pushing him until he reaches breaking point and leaves the job. If that happens, he might be out of a job for months or even years, and you could end up losing far more money that way.

@yellowfieldpinkflowers @Walkden
Your comments have been spot on, OP has twice bleated at me saying I’m unkind for similar comments. It is ironic when she’s so lacking in any empathy herself and has backtracked, now making herself the victim of nasty unkind comments.

Your main concern should be your dh physical and mental health. He sounds exhausted to me and just wants some balance in his life. Good health dominates everything, without it, you have nothing. I get the feeling you are more concerned about the money he brings in. Your dh is telling you he has had enough and wants to slow down, he is asking you for support, he's sounds burned out. I am glad he has got the support at work, because he doesn't seem to be getting it from you...

Your lack of concern for your husband's health is sad to read...

It is obvious that he is heading towards burning out if he stays in this job.

You should be supporting him and encouraging him to step away from that environment.

Health is our most precious commodity and he won't be able to work at all if he continues like this and ends up destroying his physical and mental health anyway.

Frankly your attitude would make me reconsider the relationship if I was your partner as you seem more into the money he brings in than his well being...

I've been in your husband's position. I didn't step back and it ruined a relationship and my mental health. Took me years to get back, and of course that was with someone else. Support him. Money is only one measure of wealth.