Friend “hit(?)” my 8 year old.

[NetflixandKill1]

Help. Long time reader, first time poster.
so I am in a friendship group of 3 women. Myself, and Carrie and Nieve (names changed) We’ve been friends for a good few years. Between us there are 6 children. 5 girls, and my boy. Usually we all get along so well. Myself and my 2 friends have shared some deep things and we’ve bonded well. On the odd occasion I will feel like the outsider of the group. Carrie and Nieve tend to arrange things outside of our group chat. This hurt in the past, but I’m grown and accept that they’re just closer in general.
So, to the incident.
My child (8 M) was walking toward me and Nieve and Nieve child (8 F) launched towards him and tapped him, she he did the same back. Nieve got mad and said to my son “don’t punch my daughter otherwise I’ll punch you) he reacted quickly and replied “ok go on then” so she did. It was with a clenched fist, and a light jab on the top of his arm. This completely shocked me. I got upset and left. It couldn’t leave my mind so I ended up messaging her and telling her how I felt. I said it really upset me, and I don’t hit my own children so for another adult to do that, really hurt. She apologised for hurting my feelings, but will not apologise for what she did. She can’t see her wrong doing. She’s very impulsive, so I assumed she acted on impulse and I gave her a few days to think it over. I asked her if she had chance to think it through and her response was “no, should I have?” I’m heartbroken. She’s adamant she’s done nothing wrong. I basically told her she needed to apologise, but she has flat out refused. She spoke to another mutual friend we have who confirmed it would upset her also, but she still can’t accept it. I’m ready to walk away from this friendship. I don’t know if I’m making this bigger than it needs to be. Help. I am perfectly able to hear saw honesty. AITA

OP why won't you answer the question about reporting this to the police

What rubbish is this. Girl hits boy and boy hits back, girl's parent then hits boy and somehow its the boy's fault.

The girl shouldnt have hit out. The parent needed to act like an adult and separate the two of them and walk away.

Sounds like the other mother is on here or some other nasty piece of work/ bully that’s okay with hitting children because they have some ‘cheek’? There wouldn’t be a thread if the girls mother parented her child properly in the first place.

I’m undecided…

I think you should.

I can understand that you wouldn't want to stir things up for yourself, OP.

I never believed everything I was told about school mums because I’d not experienced it. I’m just in disbelief that even after some time away to go over things in her mind, there’s still the defiance and disbelief that she’s in the wrong. I can’t comprehend it at all.

With people like that they can't see their own wrongdoing because they are too busy judging everyone around them by standards they've decided themselves.
Fortunately there aren't too many of them but you'll certainly find one outside every primary classroom at pickup!

I’m 100% sure I’m finished here. I’m more upset about losing Carrie, but I know the 2 of them come as a package so unfortunately, I’m down double digits. Hey ho. At least I don’t go round smacking kids eh?!

I won’t be making any new connections on that perimeter I can assure you. However sad that makes me feel. My children come first ❤️

It’s just awkward isn’t it? These are people I have to rub shoulders with 5 days out of 7, and I’m the least confrontational person you will meet. X

If anyone put their hands on my child they would be going home in an ambulance. I genuinely would struggle to control myself. OP you need to be very clear that the friendship is over, and if she touches your son again police will be called!

So we were all in a group chat up until last night. I removed myself. I don’t know how to communicate this with her. I think I’m going to stay well out of her way and if she approaches me, that’s when I will state the new terms.

No adult should be threatening or physically hurting a child like that, their own OR someone else's.
Do not speak to her ever again.

Lashed out? It was a tap in the original post?!

Nieve was wrong to react as she did, and frankly, it’s v weird behaviour.

Your DS was a cheeky sod saying “Go on then”

So a child should not go against an adult?!?!? That’s stupid. Respect is earned not assumed because they are older.

He did have a talking to and he was bought into line. He calls out bad behaviour when he sees it, whether it be from a child or an adult. It’s who he is and I genuinely love that. He has a voice and he’s learnt early to use it. I’ve raised a confident, brave and lovely boy, but he will tell it how he sees it.

This is absolute shite.

You can be sure that if someone hit my son… or threatens to hit my son… I’ll back him all the way if he retaliates.

I'd never tell a kid to hit back regardless.

I told mine if they were hit by kids to tell an adult because hitting back might get them in more trouble. (Been there, did that, age 9)

I told them about stranger danger and how to escape based on a poster in children's outpatients.

I've taught mine about one punch can kill. Told him to remove himself from the situation asap as he could end up in trouble for retaliating. Violence as a last resort, self defense only.

Your kid shouldn't have pushed/tapped the daughter back as it puts him in the wrong as well and he ends up in trouble, muddies the water, casts doubt on who started it. That, however, pales into insignificance compared to an adult hitting a child.

It's so hard being autistic, always second guessing the social rules.

It’s never right to hit a child. 8 is still very much a young child and I absolutely would never stand for this.

I would be telling her that she crossed a line and that you’ve lost all respect and trust in her, that the friendship is over.

I don’t know a single parent in real life who would find this acceptable.

And if he answers his teachers back, what then?

Cheekiness shouldn’t trigger a punch from an adult however you dress it up.

I’m not condoning Nieve’s behaviour!

Then he’ll no doubt receive an appropriate punishment.
In this situation the adult was deliberately escalating the situation.

If they go to the same school I'd be letting the school know.