Would this bug you?

[TwinklyGoldReader]

DS had a Mother’s Day afternoon at Nursery today, which was lovely. At the end staff told us to wait for our ‘presents’ and for a photo together with our child.

I was waiting in line and staff kept skipping to the next parent. I hung around a bit because I saw it was a pack of crafts they’d done and a little flower- i’m a sucker for the artwork!

It got to the point where there were 3 parents left and the 2 packs clearly didn’t have DS’ name on. I felt so awkward because none of the staff acknowledged it or offered to take our picture. We were the only ones without. I just quietly left but could have burst into tears (I’m very pregnant so hormones didn’t help!) DS asked where his mommy’s flower was and asked several more times this evening.

He hasnt missed any days and attends the same days as the others in today’s group. I’ve never had a disagreement with staff or raised any concerns. They’re a fantastic nursery but this keeps bugging me tonight! AIBU to let it bother me?!

Its a bit awkward, I would have asked, "sorry, did DS make one?" Will be worse asking later I think

Wow I think I was most unreasonable for not expecting the onslaught of ‘use your words.’ It’s disappointing to see how quickly I’m accused of not being an adult, or able to advocate for my child! I’m perfectly capable of asking the question but as mentioned in my OP I was flustered and very pregnant/hormonal! I think we are all guilty of not acting in the moment occasionally.

It’s not unreasonable to have expected nursery to have realised or at least offered an explanation why your son missed out you but you also could have said something.
As an aside, and this is probably a discussion for another day, in my opinion nice as it is, nurseries shouldn’t really be acknowledging Mothers’s Day as there could be children who don’t have Mothers in the lives for various reasons.

At school we always helped families with specific circumstances. We’d chat to a child in an age appropriate way about whether they wanted to make something, who they want to give it to (someone who helps look after you).

It’s the same with ‘bring in a baby photo/photo of your parents/ask your granny about…’. Everyone has some situation or other and we’d always phrase things carefully.

I would have been disappointed especially as your DC asked about his flower. Speak to the nursery, but the opportunity has passed.

I think you're probably overthinking this one. You wouldn't be that parent and you wouldn't have embarrassed anyone by asking at the time. There's probably a really simple explanation and a really easy fix for this. Just ask them

Surely at the time its a simple oh didn't Jacob make one. You have made it a bigger issue by delaying saying it.

You’re annoyed with yourself for not speaking up. You’ll keep thinking about it. Or you can mention it to nursery today.

The nursery are unreasonable for not just saying to you - sorry your son was napping at the time we were making these and we forgot to do it with him later, or your son was a bit distracted when we were doing is so it didn't get finished, really sorry Twinkly. I totally get how this would make you really sad.

However in that situation I can't imagine having the time to think about whether it was reasonable or not to say anything, it would have just come out before I'd thought 'oh, did my son not make one of those Mothers Day things?'. And I am usually an introverted confrontation avoider!

I guess the nurseries lack of addressing it made you stop and think?

It'll be totally fine to just politely say today 'sorry, to bother you, but did my son make one of those Mothers Day gifts, or did he not make one for some reason?'

Did you ask before you left?? Or said about having a photo?

Well I do empathise with you not wanting the drama in the moment, totally, but I also think this is total crap of the nursery staff. They knew you awere there and whatever the reasoning/mistake/reason they didn't have the maturity to deal with it like adults, so I'd be pissed about that part more so than anything, and also your son noticed and knew too. it's not 'nothing'

If your child has attended every day. He has chosen not to make one. It's children's choice staff can't insist they do anything. When he seen the other children getting their pack he would only see them getting a gift. He is too young to join the two situations together. Staff should have told you he chose not to do it

Why couldn’t you even have a photo??

Is your DS in every day? Is he able to tell you whether he took part in the activity? That would be my first thought. Having said that it was pretty stupid of them to just to see you there waiting your turn and completely ignore you and offer up no explanation.
Or, as someone else asked, was it a costed activity and you didn’t realise or forgot to pay?
You need to raise it next opportunity you get.

I would have asked while I was there but I wouldn’t ask now.

Except OP you are bothered enough to start a thread and it’s totally obvious that the response will be ‘you should have said something’! So your are not being unreasonable to be upset about it, but you were unreasonable not to ask at the time. Hormonal or not it’s three words!

I think it would have been possible to ask in a light-hearted way without it causing embarrassment. I would have addressed it head on at the time.

I literally have no idea why you wouldn't just ask, when it got to the end of the queue, where yours was. It's really weird that you didn't.

Completely agree with this. I've had legal guardianship of my sister from age 4 and if they had done this at nursery soon after she had been removed from her mother's care it would have destroyed her, she was already so vulnerable at that point.
Completely unnecessary, families can celebrate it at home.

DS definitely made one which is another reason why I hesitated in asking I think. There were photos/observations of him on the app last week completing his ‘Mother’s Day crafts.’ Maybe it got lost, but I think it was their place to come forward and say that. I’ll ask today at pick up!

I know that at school you help the children by phrasing things a certain way, but it doesn't actually undo the harm that sitting in a classroom of peers with mum/dad set ups making cards does.
At least not for all children. My sister who I raise has a deceased father and an addict mum who she was removed from and these events really did sting. She got loads of support in school and tons and tons of love from me, my husband and my kids (her siblings) we all love her, she's part of the family
It's just sad that's all. I'm not saying they shouldn't do it either, I guess I'm just sharing my experience. My sister was never loud about it, I just always noticed she was a little bit smaller on those days and needed extra care.

Agree 💯

Have we all just given up on being adults lately?

Totally relate to being hormonal and overwhelmed in the moment. I'm sure it's in his tray or something and all will be well. Maybe you can take a lovely photo together with the flower later after nursery?
It will still be special to your son I'm sure. 🙂

The nursery staff probably didn't realise that you hadn't got it because it wasn't there
They'll have assumed you had already picked it up I expect.

There place to come forward and say that?
You do realise they probably didn't even notice because you didn't bother to tell them...