Would this bug you?

[TwinklyGoldReader]

DS had a Mother’s Day afternoon at Nursery today, which was lovely. At the end staff told us to wait for our ‘presents’ and for a photo together with our child.

I was waiting in line and staff kept skipping to the next parent. I hung around a bit because I saw it was a pack of crafts they’d done and a little flower- i’m a sucker for the artwork!

It got to the point where there were 3 parents left and the 2 packs clearly didn’t have DS’ name on. I felt so awkward because none of the staff acknowledged it or offered to take our picture. We were the only ones without. I just quietly left but could have burst into tears (I’m very pregnant so hormones didn’t help!) DS asked where his mommy’s flower was and asked several more times this evening.

He hasnt missed any days and attends the same days as the others in today’s group. I’ve never had a disagreement with staff or raised any concerns. They’re a fantastic nursery but this keeps bugging me tonight! AIBU to let it bother me?!

Surely the staff noticed her waiting. It is their fault. Sure OP could have spoken up , but it was pretty obvious they were waiting

Hanging about for the update.

Honestly, I struggle with people like you.

it’s a totally minor thing that you’ve made in to something major.

grow some grit and just ask? What a waste of life overthinking something that you could have solved in mins.

Please stop with the pregnancy excuse. Dies it now you unable to open your mouth and ask a very reasonable question?

Because clearly it wasn't obvious to them that she was waiting. For goodness sake if she cant even mammoth up the words "Oh where's little Johns" or "Are we next" then she was probably cowering in the corner or not even making eye contact that they probably had no idea she was waiting.

No it wouldn't bug me. I'd just ask where it was. If didn't know anything was a miss, I'd know

1. it's hard to keep track of everything for a group of young kids
2. almost certainly DS's had just fallen off the shelf or something
3. DS might have not wanted to do the craft and the nursery might think he'd told me. It's not a big deal

You are not being unreasonable at all for letting this bug you which was the question. Its perfectly acceptable to feel a bit sad and left out, and perhaps a little awkward about being skipped and left stood there without one at the end, but hormonal or not, its very strange that you didn't just ask where your son's flower was and mention you hadn't yet had your photo taken.

I do think its very unreasonable of the nursery if things did in fact happen as you state, because not only have they seen you in line, skipped passed you to others, they've also seen you stood there waiting at the end when everyone else had gone, they have not given you your present and they've not taken your photo. A nursery should understand how important these things feel to us as mums and how your DS would feel being the only one whose mum didn't get the gift he'd made.

To be honest, I'm struggling to understand how this situation even panned out though from both sides.

Nursery aren't to know whether she left in a hurry for an appointment, decided she didn't want a photo or if someone else had perhaps already spoken to her and she had said no photo and they thought she had been given the items.

I can easily see something being misplaced and it would have been better to have spoken out at the time. It's very easy if they picked up papers to have missed one, or for a child to have knocked one off the table for example.

I handed out sweets in class for a child's birthday the other day when they were all lined up to leave. Still managed to miss one as they must have gone to the toilet when I got to their space in line and I didn't notice. It was only once they had all been dismissed his mum came up to ask whether he could have some sweets as he didn't have any. Easily resolved at the time.

But most nurseries know parents by sight, surely? You don't mistake a parent waiting with a child by their side while you hand out Mother's Day gifts for someone just hanging around on the street corner by a nursery for no particular reason.

I completely agree with you in the situations you describe which is why I said “if things did in fact happen as you state” because the way OP described it, she didn’t leave early in a hurry nor do she go to the toilet and miss her place in line. She described standing in line and being totally ignored and then when she was the last parent, she left without her gift.

I took a break from my career when mine were very little and worked in their primary school for a year so know how chaotic it can be, especially when there’s an event, but that’s not how OP has described it.

Did you get to the bottom of it, OP?

She was standing in line waiting, so how could they have bypassed her and missed her out?

Commenting so I can get can update on whether the craft has been found.
I wonder if, rather than going down the "line' of parents (were you all really standing in a queue line or more hovering around nearby chatting?) and having to search through a pile of craft to find a specific child's, the nursery staff were grabbing a pack and finding its owner to give out as that's probably quicker. As packs dwindled they possibly twigged there were more parents than craft, but likely thought they'd get the last ones out the way then could check if you'd had yours already, or could say 'sorry Mrs twinkly, we dont seem to have little twinklys here. He definitely made one so let me go and have a look for it elsewhere'. You disappeared before it became apparent you hadn't got it so they may not even know you havent had it.
Staying there until it became obvious his was misplaced would be less that parent than bringing it up the next day.

I got my pack! I said DS had been asking yesterday evening. They said as I was one of the first to leave (I was one of the last) I must have forgotten. I just smiled and thanked them, as I could sense they knew that wasn’t true and felt awkward. The paint on one - the same painting as one shown in last weeks observations- was slightly damp. So I think they may have lost it and didn’t want to say.

They are a wonderful nursery so it was bizarre they didn’t just fess up and make light of it yesterday. It would have been a lot less awkward!

OP what about the photo?

What do you mean, "that" parent? You'd just be asking a legitimate question.....x

TBF you’ve just done the same thing again not speaking up and letting them lie to your face, you should’ve said no I actually was the last as I’d waited until there was none left. You’re not unreasonable or being hormonal at all, that would piss me right off and this is coming from someone who hates the tatty shite kids land home with 😂 but your kid is small and I’m assuming he’s also your first so of course you’re happy to get all his little bits and been made stand there was wrong, they’re not stupid they saw how many left and how many parents still there, they should’ve said it to you. Please open your mouth to people, you’ve little people you need to advocate for so don’t let anyone make you feel like you can speak up and this was obviously annoying your little boy seeing everyone else’s mama get there wee costs and you not getting his at the same time or the photo

This.. and hang on..if you are a teacher then surely you do know how hectic pick up is on a normal day never mind with all this faffing.. Is there one teacher or several nursery workers? You just need to ask. No point sitting about feeling sad it wont be personal.

you wouldn’t be “that” parent if you’d asked at the time. Asking a few days later makes you “that” parent.

next time put your big girl pants on and speak up.

But surely you left before they had the chance to 'fess up' at the end of the event? They're going to give out all the crafts they have so those parents can go on their way, then apologise for not having yours/go off to look for it. Seems silly taking time to go off and look for yours while there are 2 parents and their crafts there. They may not have realised whose was missing at the point you left when there were 2 parents and 3 crafts, if the names were on the back?