Mismatched Sex Drive Hack: The Marital Magic Minute

[MagicMinute]

I may have found the hack for mismatched sex drives!? I could happily go weeks, maybe months without sex and wouldnt think of it much. DH OTH has a high sex drive. After years of arguments, debates and heart to hearts, a few weeks ago I came up with the magic minute and I feel there's is somwthing in it. AIBU?

My theory is, I can do anything for just 1 minute a day. So the rules are:

1 minute a day

• sex/bj/hj/cuddle/kiss
• appropriate moment/place i.e. no kids could walk in etc and not i.e when I am ready to sleep.
• obviously some days I will be up for longer but no obligation.
• its not scheduled so its whenever a minute works

I retain the right always to say no of course.
When we first implemented I had a cold so DH opted for a cuddle for 7 days. So its got him reviewing the days too, whereas previously he said there was always opportunity and would say "its been x days/weeks" without thinking of what may have affected those dates.

Its working well for us, what do you think if you are in the same boat? Could you do just 1 minute and then its done?

I think OP is not explaining well
She does say
None of it is only limited to 1 min a day! Of course we cuddle and do stuff randomly, this is more as the daily reminder for when days are busy and you could be ships in the night.

And

Its not in place of all intimacy. Its the bare minimum. It's been able to say "ok we can have 1 minute" and knowing if there are kids in the house, 1 minute is our best chance of not being disturbed, so I can switch off enough.

Although I'm not sure I do n understand the set up.
I also don't understand how someone who orgasms so quickly ,( after 10 to 20 strokes ) can describe themselves as having a low sex drive.

I agree there’s a core on MN who push the idea that its normal for women to go off sex/hate sex but it really isnt because men are woeful at it. It’s a coping mechanism where to put the blame squarely on men’s shoulders rather than admit it’s an issue that is wholly or in part their fault. They would much rather push an agenda where it’s perfectly normal for women to lose all sexual desire and for men to be entirely unreasonable for wanting sex vs admitting regular sex is an essential complement of most healthy relationships.

I think a lot of that is because a lot of men are simply woeful in bed, so of course a lot of women don't enjoy it

Yes, I'm sure that's sometimes the case. Although a lot of what I read on Mumsnet leads me to believe that a lot of women are also simply woeful in bed. An awful lot of posters seem to think that provided the man gets to put his dick into something, that's enough, and that they therefore shouldn't have to make any effort whatsoever. On Mumsnet, the default assumption is that if a man ever struggles to come, the only possible reason must be a porn addiction, rather than any lack of skill/effort/variety on the part of his partner.

I can understand making a time for a hug/ kiss every day, as these small intimacies can get lost/ forgotten in the trenches with small kids/ sleepless babies. This is taking it a step too far

Low sex drive is how much you want sex. How easily you orgasm is completely unrelated for some people. I hardly ever want sex. But I do orgasm very easily, for me they aren't at all linked.

@Ohyeahitsme that's interesting. We're all different aren't we .

🤣🤭😆

The way my so-called relationship has been over the past few years (basically a couple of phone calls each week and actually clapping eyes on each other maybe 3 times a year), right now I'd be happy to receive a one minute cuddle each month!

Jeez, I hope this never becomes me. One minute is ridiculous, i’d imagine that just leads to more frustration than nothing. Imagine your husband or wife restricting you to 1 minute of pleasure. I mean you’ve barely got going in 60 seconds, and then its over.

Have you seen your GP about your sex drive? I think that would be a better use of your time than subjecting your DH to 1 minute BJ’s. I actually feel sorry for him that he’s ended up agreeing to this. I’ve read some odd stuff on here over the years but this one is up there with the madness.

how fast you orgasm when you have sex isn’t
indicative of your sex drive. Your sex drive is how often you want to have sex. You could have sex once a year and orgasm within 2 mins but doesn’t mean you have a high sex drive because you orgasm. You might not want to have sex, but enjoy it when it happens. Enjoying it and having multiple orgasms doesn’t mean you want it anymore regularly so has zero impact on your actual sex drive.