Mismatched Sex Drive Hack: The Marital Magic Minute

[MagicMinute]

I may have found the hack for mismatched sex drives!? I could happily go weeks, maybe months without sex and wouldnt think of it much. DH OTH has a high sex drive. After years of arguments, debates and heart to hearts, a few weeks ago I came up with the magic minute and I feel there's is somwthing in it. AIBU?

My theory is, I can do anything for just 1 minute a day. So the rules are:

1 minute a day

• sex/bj/hj/cuddle/kiss
• appropriate moment/place i.e. no kids could walk in etc and not i.e when I am ready to sleep.
• obviously some days I will be up for longer but no obligation.
• its not scheduled so its whenever a minute works

I retain the right always to say no of course.
When we first implemented I had a cold so DH opted for a cuddle for 7 days. So its got him reviewing the days too, whereas previously he said there was always opportunity and would say "its been x days/weeks" without thinking of what may have affected those dates.

Its working well for us, what do you think if you are in the same boat? Could you do just 1 minute and then its done?

If there was kids about, 0 mins. On a boat in the middle of a river with noone about under the sun, Id be down for quite a few more minutes. Oh my! 🥵

What do you suggest?

I thought it was going to be a fleshlight I have to be honest.

’Get yourself dirty’? Worry if you’re clean?

Honestly, I’ve never in my life considered sex as making me ‘dirty’ and not once in all my 50 years have I thought ‘Oh no, what if I’m not clean enough’ before having sex.

That’s just… joyless.

I’m a woman and there isn’t a single thing you’ve said that I can relate to on this entire thread.

Blergh.

☠️

Minuteman means something else here. Or minute man. One is a soldier. The other's "soldier" goes off in a minute.

He's a 60 second man

That you address your lack of sex drive.

There is zero logic in this, it’s like saying if you hate cooking just cook your food for one minute (and eat it uncooked) 😂

Jesus.
You know it can naturally wane, right?

So it sounds like the real problem is you don't have privacy from the kids?

This seems like a problem you could find a solution to...? Is there not a part of the night when they're reliably asleep?

What do you suggest should be done

I think I’d rather not have sex than have 1 minute of sex 😂

So you kiss or whatever for a minute then he wanks while you stand there watching?

Fuck me. That is revolting and tragic. You should both marry someone you at least vaguely fancy and connect with.

That is so unfair. Why should he be treated like he is wrong for wanting to have sex with his wife? Wud you say the same to a woman whose husband has this weird formula?

If it works for you both then great. Can’t see it being for everyone though.

DH and I are in our 60’s, we probably need about 10 minutes of cuddling, touching and kissing, then we take it from there, sometimes nothing.

We’ve spent years fitting in sex whilst DC were young, 5 am sleepy sex was best for us, knowing that we’ve got a good while on our own without interruptions.

Or fit a lock?

I have to say op that this seems a very clinical, transactional sex life. And your throw away comment about doing it when you don’t really want to, and putting on a performance really made me concerned.

I think you're getting a hard time, OP.

Intimacy sometimes does take a bit of effort from the low libido partner, and so long as mutual enjoyment is achievable I don't think there's anything wrong with carving out time for that, despite not initially being in the mood.

However, I know from having periods of low libido in the past that my responsive desire takes far longer than 1 minute to be activated, so I'd not get much enjoyment from it. I've not had a partner who would have been happy with me "servicing" them for 1 minute and not enjoying it myself, either. It would quickly feel like an obligation for me, and a pity favour for them.

I think 10 minutes 2 or 3 times a week would work better than a daily 1 minute to ensure there's more time for the lower libido person to be able to fully relax and enjoy it.

This is actually a really sad thread! Op most of us would have split before getting to this point. When you're telling strangers on the internet that you smugly force yourself to get your husband off in 60 seconds or less it's time for a re-think.

If you have to go through months of heart-to-hearts that result in you agreeing to cuddle your DH for 60 seconds a day, your marriage is over. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but I’ve got cheese in my fridge that I feel more warmly towards than you obviously do to your DH.

THIS omg this is one of the most depressing things I've read on here.

How awful to feel like having intimate contact with your partner is so abhorrent to them that they can only bear it for a minute.

Fuck me. (but only for 60 seconds and not a millisecond more)

I consider myself quite an easy ‘orgasmer’ but 10 strokes - that’s extremely quick. I’ve become adept at holding off my organism so DH and I climax at the same time. Extends the enjoyment. In general I find the longer the lead-up, the more intense the orgasm.

I agree with the idea that “sex” doesn’t always have to equate to full penetrative sex in bed, something that seems lost on a lot of people on MN. We have a lot of “sex” multiple times a week,all round the house, but that’s a mix of penetrative sex, oral, self pleasure etc. If one of us is in the mood but the other isn’t, then one might play while the other is just naked next to them for example. Key difference though is both us find each other sexually attractive and enjoy pleasuring each other. We aren’t enduring or doing something we don’t enjoy or want just to “get it over with”.

Ha just spotted my typo - obviously I am holding off my orgasm, not an organism! 😂