Mismatched Sex Drive Hack: The Marital Magic Minute

[MagicMinute]

I may have found the hack for mismatched sex drives!? I could happily go weeks, maybe months without sex and wouldnt think of it much. DH OTH has a high sex drive. After years of arguments, debates and heart to hearts, a few weeks ago I came up with the magic minute and I feel there's is somwthing in it. AIBU?

My theory is, I can do anything for just 1 minute a day. So the rules are:

1 minute a day

• sex/bj/hj/cuddle/kiss
• appropriate moment/place i.e. no kids could walk in etc and not i.e when I am ready to sleep.
• obviously some days I will be up for longer but no obligation.
• its not scheduled so its whenever a minute works

I retain the right always to say no of course.
When we first implemented I had a cold so DH opted for a cuddle for 7 days. So its got him reviewing the days too, whereas previously he said there was always opportunity and would say "its been x days/weeks" without thinking of what may have affected those dates.

Its working well for us, what do you think if you are in the same boat? Could you do just 1 minute and then its done?

I feel like this should be a AMA.

I get mismatched sex drives etc. But your obliging your partner with one minute of cuddles a day he wants affection and you figure you can put up with cuddling him for 1 minute a day?? Do you even like him? If he has a peck on the lips that last 2 seconds do you cut those 2 Secidnary off thr cuddle? Does he have to get himself hard so he can shove it in and he done in a minute?

I actually think this is LESS healthy than occasional sex.

is that serious?

I can't decide if it's ridiculous or very sad.

What’s the point then? He’d be better off having a wank in peace.

If the only sex life my boyfriend could offer me was fingering me for 60 seconds before saying ‘Right, time’s up’ and leaving me unsatisfied, I’d be leaving.

I can't understand the point of staying in a relationship where your partner is not attracted to you, and can just about manage 60seconds of interest a day.

It must be so depressing.

I agree with you in essence but this is about more than sex. He can either have a 60 second fuck or a 60 second cuddle or a 60 second BJ etc. He can't just have a cuddle whilst they watch a movie unless she times it because it's so intolerable to her most of the time. That's a massive red flag from her about the state of their relationship

Perhaps it's the "so unattractive an option you'll very rarely go for it but also I'm offering daily sex so you can't complain"

why would he stay in such a miserable relationship? of course she doesn't have to do anything, but that's not a real relationship is it. He should just walk away.

If a man treated a woman that way "Why can’t She just have a wank and calm down?*, people would be horrified.

who said romance was dead

Because they’re a couple, not housemates. A wank doesn’t provide the intimacy and affection that are supposed to be part of a relationship. The fact that even a cuddle is rationed to one minute speaks volumes.

If a woman on here said ‘my husband has no sex drive and will only tolerate sexual activity for one minute at a time’ people would certainly be saying he needed to do something about it.

We have a mis matched sex drive. I feel like I need a bit more information on your theory.
What have you agreed you'll do - literally for 1 minute every day, you do something physical and see if it leads to anything?
Or is it when HE feels horny, you agree to comply for 1 minute only to see if you get into it or not before saying no or carrying on?
This is sort of how I'm reading it, but can you be more specific?!
I have often said to DH that although I'm rarely in the mood, I often GET in the mood once we've actually started. So I can sort of see how it improves things for the person with the higher sex drive if you go with the higher sex drive but stop after 1 minute if the lower sex drive isn't into it. But I'd also hate to add the extra pressure each time for myself.
Interesting nonetheless!

tbf, I've lasted only a minute before.

I can’t imagine being married to someone where I forced myself to endure one minute of closeness with him every 24 hours.

This is awful. Get a divorce.

@MagicMinute I get where you're coming from.

My DH & I play a game where each of us chooses what we do for the next X amount of seconds. It's fun & when we're super tired and have no energy for anything, just a few seconds of whatever the other chooses usually leads to more.

Obviously it's always consensual. It means that we've escaped the all or nothing cycle (sex or no sex) and we both benefit.

Tell me more about the 1 minute blow job? I’m all for life hacks, if they work.

I should add that we don't particularly have mismatched sex drives - more that with the stress of everyday life & kids, we don't get the chance & probably he's easier to get in the mood than me. I have found that this 'game' is a means for us to feel close, regardless of the outcome.

What are you getting out of that 1 minute handjob? Not a lot.

A man that can still ejaculate knowing that I don't want to be there/am deliberately dissociating/find it a chore is repulsive to me.

The whole thing is repulsive.

Imagine a man finding you so unattractive they just about force themselves to be with you for 60 seconds.. why would you stay in that relationship that is is not one?

Male or female, if your partner sees you as a very unpleasant chore they are forced to deal with.. it's time to move on and get a divorce quickly.

Ah more details needed I think!

None of it is only limited to 1 min a day! Of course we cuddle and do stuff randomly, this is more as the daily reminder for when days are busy and you could be ships in the night.

There are two types of desire/arousal, spontaneous vs reactive desire. Its perfectly normal for women to move from spontaneous to reactive after the first years of a relationship.

You can do your own research but to suit it up, 'reactive desire' is the answer to when men question "but you enjoy it when we do it" or when a woman posts on here "I like it when we do it so I dont know why I have such a low sex drive".

Its not in place of all intimacy. Its the bare minimum. It's been able to say "ok we can have 1 minute" and knowing if there are kids in the house, 1 minute is our best chance of not being disturbed, so I can switch off enough.

I do find my DH can go for a long time but that stresses me out that someone will walk in which kills desire

"Cortisol and sex hormones have an antagonistic relationship; when the body is in a state of high stress, it prioritizes survival (producing cortisol) over reproductive functions."

As a side note, DH is a termtime worker so we are very limited in when we get time completely just us 2.

WRT 1 min just getting going etc. The 1 minute is from when he is ready to go (so to speak), and then he is happy to finish himself, he enjoys if I watch.

The minute is a good qualoty minute IYSWIM!
He wouldnt finish in 1 min but will finish himself. Because its just 1 minute I put on a good performance!

A quality minute id better than a reluctant 20 mins!

1 minute sex?! 😂
What do you even manage in that time slot 😁

Are you a man?

Women's hormones are much more complex than that. A woman can love and fancy her husband but still not feel in the mood, its not a measurement of her feelings towards him. Much the same as a man can have sex with women he doesnt care about or even find that attractive.

"Its working well for us, what do you think if you are in the same boat? Could you do just 1 minute and then its done?"
1 minute sex in a boat 🤔

Truthfully? A smugness that I have made him happy without having to get myself dirty (understand what I mean here please, noone is fresh after sex!), have sex when I am not feeling it, worry about how clean I may be at that moment, consider if I need the toilet first etc etc.

Fucking hell.

You know I have a theory, that women have a number of strokes during PIV that they react to. For me I tend to get off that way quite quickly then I am hanging around for him. Maybe some women take longer. So for example, the first time he goes in, it feels great, by the 10th - 20th stroke it feels incredible then I climax. But then I'm done. Maybe some women have a longer lead up time or have more stroke where it's building up!?