My sister keeps criticising me for travelling

[whoamitocomplain]

I’m 27, and live alone in a rented flat. I have a decent salary and get by pretty happily on my own.

My sister is 31, and her and her husband have 2 sons under 3. Since the youngest was born, they’ve probably been abroad once a month. A lot of the time, they got out the children. This started when the youngest was about 5 months old.

I was at their house a couple of weeks ago and they asked when I was going to “stop this travelling business” and settle down with a mortgage. I have been abroad once this year and have three more holidays planned.

My sister has now responded to a close friends instagram story I posted with a countdown to my next trip and said it all seems really excessive and I shouldn’t be going away like I am. I pay for it all outright, don’t use delayed payments, pay in three or credit cards etc.

AIBU to snap back and ask why she cares so much when she’s leaving her kids once a month to go abroad? They’re always with my brother in law’s parents when they go, and I’m pretty fed up of the hypocritical criticism from them when they do the same, if not worse!

I bet she doesn’t enjoy those trips. She’s probably worrying about the kids and her husband is annoying and overbearing about it all. She probably wishes she had your carefree life. 🤷🏻‍♀️

she is jealous. Ignore.

It's none of her damn business!

Unless she wants you to stay at home and provide childcare for her....

No childcare or anything. I don’t see how she can be jealous, she willingly goes away about every four weeks to amazing destinations. If she spends time worrying, she could just stay home surely?

She wants you stuck at home to be her built in babysitter in case MiL is getting tired of babysitting 2 young kids and might be making trip plans herself.

Enjoy your life and tell her to mind her own backyard.

I travel a bit, DBro also travels. We exchange pictures of our holidays and say what we enjoyed. Surely that's how it should be?

Smile, nod, change the subject and don't engage. A big sign saying "over 18, financially secure, no kids, will travel" Might be needed now and then!

I think next time your sister comments on your travelling, I'd say 'You can hardly talk, you go abroad more often than me' and 'Don't worry about me buying my own home, I have a long-term plan'. I would have said that your sister is jealous of the travelling you do, but as she does travel often, it's likely not that. It might be she's envious of the fact you have no committments, so are more free than she is. You're 27, with no children or boyfriend/husband, if you can't travel now, then when should you??!! Make the most of the time when you don't have committments, and travel as much as possible!! You aren't responsible for the choices your sister has made in her life, no more than she's responsible for yours.

"You don't mention my life choices and I won't mention yours". With a wink.

She's away once a month?!

Doesn't sound like you particularly like each other.

I wouldn't give it much more thought. I might hide her from seeing my stories though.

The only thing I can think of is that there’s a lot of judgment in the wider family for how much they travel. So she’s trying to divert to me.

At the start of the comment, I thought the sister might be right - too many flights = too many carbon emissions. But once I read that the sister was having even more holidays, I think YANBU. A mortgage might be a more sensible choice but travelling is also great. Do what you want.

I think it’s fine to reply “ha ha, you can talk!”

But also I’d take a big step back from her. Your family sounds quite enmeshed, people commenting on and judging each others travel plans.

Everyone needs to mind their own business!

But to be clear, your travelling sounds fine and your sister is being odd.

I would tell her you don’t have children so it’s fine. She probably feels shitty on her own kids for leaving them excessively.

She’s projecting. Did the monthly breaks start after they had their kids, or was this normal for them even before they were born?

They’ve definitely picked up since the youngest was born. They both love to travel, but it was never this frequent. I just feel for the boys to be honest

I absolutely can't stand hypocrites. She literally goes away more than you do - and with two kids!

I had my son young, so was home for all my 20s, and my slightly older sister was always abroad and living it up when she had annual leave from her well-paid job. We're talking Australia, New Zealand, the USA, all over Europe etc. I was delighted for her, at worst happily envious and curious, and wouldn't dream of judging. What on earth business is it of anyone's but the traveller?

It never ceases to amaze me that so many people are incapable of thinking on their feet. “It caught me off guard”. Well obviously, as people don’t tend to send an agenda in advance of a conversation, but in the circumstances you set out it MUST have entered your head that you had been abroad once this year and they go every month?!!!

Are you not particularly close @whoamitocomplain ?

Surely, you would hash this it one to one and put all the arguments to her that you have done here?

Tell them to mind their own business .. sound jealous to me.
You travel as much as you want it's your life and sounds like a great life doing what you want ..
You go girl get on your travels x

We’ve grown apart as she had kids and settled down. She was married by 25, pregnant by 27, and she seems to judge me for taking a different path.

Have you mentioned that you "feel for the boys"? Maybe this has got her back up
Also, the bil's parents who look after them may be getting pissed off.

I first started reading & it reminded me of a close friend about 20yrs ago, it sticks in my mind cos she said she was kind of jealous of me being single and able to do as I wanted but she felt she was juggling all the hats of mum, wife, friend, employee & seeing family.

But then you say sis is going away more so that can’t be it.

we all follow our own paths there is no rush to settle down, do the mortgage, marry, kids. Take things your own pace & tell sis to mind her beeswax