My sister keeps criticising me for travelling

[whoamitocomplain]

I’m 27, and live alone in a rented flat. I have a decent salary and get by pretty happily on my own.

My sister is 31, and her and her husband have 2 sons under 3. Since the youngest was born, they’ve probably been abroad once a month. A lot of the time, they got out the children. This started when the youngest was about 5 months old.

I was at their house a couple of weeks ago and they asked when I was going to “stop this travelling business” and settle down with a mortgage. I have been abroad once this year and have three more holidays planned.

My sister has now responded to a close friends instagram story I posted with a countdown to my next trip and said it all seems really excessive and I shouldn’t be going away like I am. I pay for it all outright, don’t use delayed payments, pay in three or credit cards etc.

AIBU to snap back and ask why she cares so much when she’s leaving her kids once a month to go abroad? They’re always with my brother in law’s parents when they go, and I’m pretty fed up of the hypocritical criticism from them when they do the same, if not worse!

It was more of a joke, I obviously don’t think their actions are valid but more that wanting to travel without kids is a very valid thing to want - hence why I don’t want them.

To be honest I think they’re shit parents, they don’t cook, don’t really care if their children do any extracurricular activities and leave them in nursery from the minute it opens to the second it closes to have less time with them, but if I opened with that on here I’d get crucified!

I’ll be child free for a while longer. I like my white bedsheets and late night flights too much

Ah, I see what you mean now.

I don't think you would have necessarily got stick for pointing out the other stuff btw. I think, rather, it would have added more context from the start.

Yep, they don't sound like great parents. Have the bils parents made any fuss? Surely, they must be feeling the effects of all this. And the kids must be acting out to their parents, you would think?

Two words are necessary, Butt out! I never know why people on here engage with rude, nosey family and then moan, don't give them the chance!

She’s projecting - maybe she is feeling guilty that the children are disrupted by their travel plans, maybe they are made to feel guilty by others.

I would also judge them. I would be tempted to give them a piece of my mind if the kids were being upset by their selfishness, but I would resist the temptation to lay into her.

Think carefully about what outcomes you want to achieve if you decide to say something. A good outcome would be that the children are not disrupted, or are disrupted less. And she stops deflecting.

I don’t understand why you’re bitching about them behind their back to your friends but not giving them what sounds like a very needed reality check to their face. They sound like terrible parents.

Also what was their logic in having another child when they don’t take care of the first one

Maybe you’re not too different from your DSis.

Travelling with kids really isn’t that bad. I’ve been on so many holidays with mine and can’t recall a bad trip. We even once travelled around Italy for 3 weeks (with our 7 and 10 year old), using public transport only and choosing where to go and where to stay as we went - it was an amazing experience for our family.

We even took the kids on our honeymoon, we’d never go off and fun without them if they could join in too.

When you have kids they become a part of your lives, you drag them along everywhere. Those that don’t may regret the consequences when their kids grow up to have no time for their parents. You reap what you sow.

Sounds like jealousy. I'm 35, 1 dd and a baby on the way. My two younger siblings are currently living the life travelling and I'm happy for them. I did all that too before this and now life is just a bit busier. Your sister has no right to judge. Enjoy your life, you never have to justify it to others.

Thats a bit harsh. It’s great that travelling with kids has worked out for you. I too like travelling with my two. But it’s totally okay to also not want to travel with kids. OP has had the foresight to realise that kids isn’t what she wants - it’s a shame her sister didn’t do the same it seems.

YANBU OP, ultimately it's non of your sister's business. However, it sounds more like concern than hypocrisy or jealousy to me.

Unless you have an excellent pension and will be able to afford to continue renting in old age, I would be prioritising getting on the housing ladder over travelling at your age.

This is a bit unhinged and nonsensical. Even out of my child free friends and aquaintances I don't really know anyone who takes a European city break monthly - irrespective of income. To that end, someone who does criticising someone else for travelling just doesn't make sense. She's projecting - ignore her.

Agreed. I’m a single mum and have been on some amazing trips with my dd since she was 5. She’s the best travel buddy I’ve ever had. We’ve seen elephants in Thailand, surfed in Portugal, camped in the alps. Having a travel buddy full of energy, that’s permanently excited by everything, and has such an amazing, pure sense of wonder about the world is so lovely to be around. No I don’t get to experience any nightlife or fancy restaurants but I did all that when I was younger and I’ve got no interest in those things now anyway

they asked when I was going to “stop this travelling business” and settle down with a mortgage

The answer being when they start looking after their own children and stop their monthly holidays

they asked when I was going to “stop this travelling business” and settle down with a mortgage

The answer being when they start looking after their own children and stop their monthly holidays

What the fuck’s any of this got to do with her? If my sister started telling me how to plan my life I’d tell her to mind her own business!

I can fully recognise that I’m in no place to have children yet though, because I am too selfish. I enjoy a nice lie in of the weekend, an indulgent coffee in bed, and I enjoy waking up in the small hours of the morning to watch the racing and then going back to sleep for another five hours after. I enjoy going to the airport early?l, going to a lounge and having a drink or two and passing out asleep on the plane.

I don’t want to give that up, and that’s fine.

That’s lovely to hear. You could add in the fancy restaurants too as she gets older.

This is it. She feels judged by you so is turning it around.

@whoamitocomplain I seem to be in the minority here. I agree that your travelling seems to be excessive when you haven't managed to save for a mortgage yet.

Presumably the 4 holidays you're referring to are all this year. That's a massive number of holidays for a single year.

Why do you need a mortgage? Is that the metric of happiness these days? I know someone who rents but has taken all the interest paid on a hypothetical mortgage and invested it incredibly

Do you have one?

Owning is cheaper in the long run. It's about financial security.

And asset appreciation