Ostracised by neighbours & wanting to move

[theeasterbaker]

Basically I feel very ostracised by my neighbours.

It all started when I had installed barriers to prevent my neighbours and their children walking literally next door to my living room on my own driveway.

It was a daily occurrence and I felt violated and as if I had no privacy.

My neighbours obviously took offence to this and don't really talk to me or include me in their chats or events.

I said hello to the kids and they just ignore me.

I have never been rude or nasty.

I was also made aware by another neighbour that they have an issue with that she had heard them slagging me off on her Ringdoor.

Just to point out it's a group of 4 single mothers who have issues with quite a few neighbours round here, one neighbour also called the police on one of the children for anti social behaviour a few weeks ago so it's not just me who has had issues with the children.

A delivery driver knocked my door last week to see if I would accept a delivery for one of them and I refused it (all of which was captured on the said neighbours CCTV).
Again caused more gossip amongst the estate.

I actually really want to move as it's not a nice atmosphere.

The other neighbours I am friendly with live on the next street say give it time and they will fall out amongst themselves as they are not nice woman, but I feel totally ostracised.

AIBU to feel like this and wanting to move?

Why would you want them to talk to you? Sounds like it’s a good thing they are ignoring you. Just ignore them back and get on with your every day life.

1. why do you care?

2. what did you expect would happen?

3. why didn’t you take a delivery if you want this situation to change? This could have been a way to patch things up, now you look like you have a serious grudge

Just detach yourself completely. You’re not part of their group, you’re not going to be. Ignore them as much as they ignore you. Avoid eye contact and smiling. If they know they are bothering you they’ll keep doing it.
stop gossiping about them and ignore them. Have you heard of the ‘let them’ theory? Do that.

there’s no point trying to get them to like you. I’m sure they’ll move on to someone else soon.

I really feel for you OP, as I'm having similar situation with neighbours either side of me . Have put up with a lot over several years and finally made a stand for my rights and now ostracised by them . Its not pleasant. I too want to move to get away from them .
Sorry I can't make any useful suggestions but just wanted to say I understand how you feel and I hope you manage to resolve the situation one way or another. Its very stressful 💐

It's not always as easy as that unfortunately. I am in similar position as OP and totally understand where she is coming from. Its not a nice situation to be in .

Sadly, once you start instituting reasonable boundaries people get made at you. Ask me how I know. I live in a neighborhood that is a cesspool of gossip. It was just shocking that I received so much negativity over taking care of myself in a healthy way.

It seems you have dealt with the main issue and now have to listen to the residual feed back. I had to start telling anyone who would repeat more rebounding gossip to just stop. It is just more gossip even if it is given to you in an informative or seemingly helpful way.

You don’t need to hear it. Once that stopped I was able to live at peace in my own home and it was worth all the trouble.

OP, how long have you lived there? Are you a fairly new resident? Have these women lived on the street and known each other for a long time? It may be that the people who lived in your house before you didn't mind the chatting by the window or the children walking across the driveway. Did you speak to your neighbours about your preferences before you put up the barriers? Like, "Hi, Judy. Listen, I thought I'd just mention that I've noticed that a number of people cross my driveway and have conversations close to my window. It just makes me a bit uncomfortable and I'd rather they didn't do that. What do you think would be a good way to let everyone know that?" You see? You'd be asking for their advice and getting your message across. That might have been enough to make them stop on their own. If you're the only person who put up barriers, it could indeed seem unfriendly and like you want to just be left alone. So, they do leave you alone. Not accepting packages for your neighbours certainly says, "I want nothing to do with you!" If you want to protect your privacy while still being a good neighbour, it's up to you to reach out to them. If you don't like them and can't be bothered, then just ignore them.

Don't move just because your neighbours, who you're not bothered about being friends with are being twats. When you see them just smile & shout 'Hi Ya' if you seem friendly regardless of their own actions then they'll not be able to gossip in a negative way about you. Take the parcels in if you're able to then when they come to collect them be overly friendly asking how they are etc. don't engage in any gossip with the others either then nothing can get back to any of them about what you've said. If others start telling you something about your neighbours simply say, 'I don't do gossip, it causes all kinds of issues' & walk away. Try not to let it bother you so much. If you have family & friends you see often then you don't need these people in your life so don't give them any headspace

I'm not sure how their marital status has any bearing to be honest. That makes you sound very judgemental.

However, I'm not clear on why this matters. You clearly don't like them so why do you want to be involved with them?

Go out and meet others elsewhere, join hobby groups etc. Not many people are besties with their neighbours these days so why not just focus on getting on with your own life and let them talk if they want to. It honestly sounds like you're tying yourself up in knots because you want to be liked instead of valuing your own peace.

Did you discuss the issues before putting your barriers in place?

Hi
We have all lived here almost 2 years as this is a new build house.

Two of the neighbours were already good friends as their daughters are in the same class at school.
My next door neighbour is now also friendly with them as the kids are the same age and play together.

I don't wish to be part of their friendship group but I don't like the nasty comments made about me when I have done nothing wrong.

My own kids are under 5 so it's not an issue with them being left out with playing as they are far too young for all that.

We are really hoping/wishing to move asap but for other reasons as well.

Both me and OH approached about them about them and their kids running across our driveway by our living room window.

We spoke to our HO about the issues and she did acknowledge there were issues as there had been other complaints but just suggested that I put planters there and to keep telling them to keep of my driveway.

I felt quite liberated today.. Knowing both sides hate us meant I had my radio on reasonably loud whilst I sang away decorating... No fucks to give if they approve or not.. Knowing I won't ever be taking parcels in for thoughtless people who leave them for days before collecting.. Or mindless chat in the street.. And they have a ddog I care not a jot of it barks the rest of its days lol it did since they moved in. I won't be worrying about our ddog barking or the dc being loud. For decades we've been decent thoughtful neighbours.. No more people
. Life is for living and singing..