Ostracised by neighbours & wanting to move

[theeasterbaker]

Basically I feel very ostracised by my neighbours.

It all started when I had installed barriers to prevent my neighbours and their children walking literally next door to my living room on my own driveway.

It was a daily occurrence and I felt violated and as if I had no privacy.

My neighbours obviously took offence to this and don't really talk to me or include me in their chats or events.

I said hello to the kids and they just ignore me.

I have never been rude or nasty.

I was also made aware by another neighbour that they have an issue with that she had heard them slagging me off on her Ringdoor.

Just to point out it's a group of 4 single mothers who have issues with quite a few neighbours round here, one neighbour also called the police on one of the children for anti social behaviour a few weeks ago so it's not just me who has had issues with the children.

A delivery driver knocked my door last week to see if I would accept a delivery for one of them and I refused it (all of which was captured on the said neighbours CCTV).
Again caused more gossip amongst the estate.

I actually really want to move as it's not a nice atmosphere.

The other neighbours I am friendly with live on the next street say give it time and they will fall out amongst themselves as they are not nice woman, but I feel totally ostracised.

AIBU to feel like this and wanting to move?

Tbh if neighbours not being your best friends is your biggest worry you're leading a charmed life.

Why do you give such a shit? Don't you have other friends, a useless partner, aging relatives, a stressful job that you could focus your energies on instead?

They’re behaving like mean school girls, they never change! I suspect
they’ve got way too much time on their hands and love being entitled bullies - glad you’ve got your property secured now, perhaps use this time to become better friends with the decent neighbours

Op you really need to stop focusing on them, I guarantee they are nor giving you the same headspace.,do,you have friends, a job, anything to occupy your mind?

Yes I have friends, family, kids, partner and a job.
I tend to forget about it but it's only when I am taking to the kids to the play area that it all starts.
"She said this, this has happened" etc.

It will probably be better not taking the kids to that play area anymore as then I don't have to hear anything of anyone and what's been said etc.

I get it OP. You feel they are not respecting your boundaries... i.e. walking on your property and you have decided to reinforce that by putting up a physical barrier.

Its also a wierd situation because how would you even have that conversation- "please don't walk on my driveway" you would think it would be implicit, but not approaching in a social way initially has put a divide up.

Unlike other I don't feel that you are mentioning that they are single mothers to judge but more because it sounds like that they have a lot in common and are relying on each other for help with their children. This can form a lot of bonds and again create a "them vs us" atmosphere.

You have some support and validation for your uneasiness on this thread. Even that can help you be compassionate towards yourself. I wonder if things took a turn in the Pandemic. There was a lot of "not trusting neighbours" and everyone having collective stress that may have exacerbated something that you previously found annoying.

If there is an option available I would speak about the stress with a professional. Not feeling safe in your home is a terrible thing and there might be something that you can do within yourself to manage it a bit better. You cannot change anyone elses behaviour.

Sometimes there’s safety in numbers so perhaps the person ? Telling you of events feels insecure or scared themself?

We have police involved in a local matter however the person at the centre of it has displayed anti social behaviour to a number of us now, so it’s a common ‘interest’.

for those who have been targeted with the worst end of the stick, it’s reassuring it’s not a them thing too. So debrief with others basically to let neighbours know there is an ongoing problem that hasn’t been resolved yet by the police…

You've posted about this before.

If it's bothering you that much then just move OP.

There quite a lot of neighbours who mention and speak about my neighbours.

It is mainly to do with the behaviour of the kids.

@2021x - thank you for your kind reply. I don't have anything against single mothers at all, it is more that they have this in common and I feel ganged up on.

I do feel safe living here, it was just the lack of respect and privacy.

It's like one occasion last year when OH was working away there was a strange burning smell in my house and I had to call the gas engineer out at midnight (had parked over the road and had to turn the gas off) and the next day I was being asked if I was having an affair and questions being asked.

This was before the barriers went up when they would talk to me.

I think so too. The WhatsApp group one?

Just fuck them and get on with ur life. Move if u need to but they are neighbours, only that. You don’t owe them anything.
but it can be crap when there’s kids involved and ur kids are being singled out, I experienced this and it’s not nice. Leave them be, still don’t take in parcels and keep your borders up, you are entitled to do what u want at ur own house. Any of them start with you tell them to mind their business and fk off.

So you would be happy for someone to frequently stand outside your front window on your property and gossip/as a throughway?

Planters- fine.

Refusing package- well, taking it could’ve been an olive branch.

Why should they include you when you behave as if you don’t want to be included?

Someone’s triggered 😂

Just tell whoever’s telling you you’re not interested and change the subject?

If you listen to Amal Rajan’s interview with Ed Davies, the Decline of Marriage, statistics show that children in one parent families have poorer outcomes than those with 2 married parents.

Whether everyone likes it or not.

Dont listen to ‘what dso and so said about you’
Also kids grow up - might spend more time away from the area / on their games consul / at footie, swimming ,whatever.
Situations change -give it time before making a big decision
Also you might hit it off with a new neighbour or one of the existing ones.
Bit standing outside a neighbours living room window chatting is crass and deliberate imv -who does this?

Agree with you re the planters etc. it's very bad mannered and disrespectful to use your land as a cut through. However do you need to be friends with your neighbours and I agree they will probably fall out with each other

You don’t have to be as rude to them as they are to you. Be civil-if they don’t say hello back to you then keep going. I wouldn’t like people walking across my property but there are ways of dealing with it.

Are your kids the same age as any of the neighbours? Coz they could end up wanting to play together- just bear it in mind.

I live in a tight cul-de-sac and a woman moved in a couple of years ago. She was having major work done. She made herself really unpopular with loads of endless renovation work and builders blocking us from entering our homes, dust, noise etc. she now wants to move because she feels nobody likes her. Most people don’t like her but it’s because of her behaviour. If she had behaved differently her life here would been much happier. Just saying…

Just smile and ignore them, doesn't affect you at all. Presumably they're not attacking or inconveniencing you in any way? Whilst it's nice to have friendly neighbours, but can also be a drag - I feel I always have to stop and chat, or be very visibly rushing if I don't want to. And everyone knows what I'm up to, which can make me self-conscious (not that I'm ever up to anything very interesting!) And then there's the worry of what if they do something that you want to complain about - it's a lot easier if they're strangers!

You re talking about ill mannered people who live near you.
Wouldn't be better to not give a f""k. Get busy, and forget them.

Sounds shocking to me.

Some people thrive on this sort of chatter or have thick skins and dont care.
Personally i think its perfectly ok to have put a fence up. Its your property!
Youve annoyed them and they have reverted to acting like catty 12 year olds.
Vomit inducing tbh.

We alwaya get on with our neighnours. Ive lived in about 16 different places! The hosue we are in now has one mega gobby neighbour who has isolated themselves by acting loudly and being rude, beer cans strewn about etc. I wouldnt accept post for them either frankly as dont wsnt to be accused of anything like damaging their things.
A while back we received some of their post and i popped it through their post box the same day. They told another neighbour id trespassed on their lawn😄
The difference here though, is that they stand out as grumpy and bit chavvy and dirty, loud etx and no one else really is.

I guess it sort of depends on what the rest of the neighbourhood is like?

My last house in a bigger city, we all kept our hedges squared off, paths clean, bins hidden (yes one of THOSE neighbourhoods) and tbh it was nice and boring and quiet and we never really saw anyone as everyone was at work.

Its not really for anyone else to tell you that ypurw being unreasonabke or not...its just that everyone is different and feels happier in different surroundings.
Im out and about all the time or at work so usually (even if it was a neighbiurhood where everyong is hanging around eachother...but it's not) so i wouldnt even notice other mums gossiping.
Euther ignore it or move. Honestly life is too short x

Honestly I don’t think you’re being unneighbourly by trying to stop kids trespassing. I actually don’t want any kids that aren’t mine on my property. But you do kind of need to buck up a bit. You are not moving house because some random woman are bitching about you - that’s crazy. Someone else will tell off one of their toe rags and they’ll move on to them. Trust me I’ve seen it happen time and time again, I grew up on an estate. They’re often just very gossipy.

Try and rise above it, they don’t sound very pleasant and the people “filing you in” on the gossip aren’t helping you out, let them know you couldn’t give two figs what any busybodies are waffling about.

whats them being single mothers got to do with any of this?