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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

When I'm distressed I talk about my feelings alot

110 replies

Hippychickbbbb · 08/03/2026 12:22

I've been told I'm a pain in the ass when I'm upset I talk about my feelings alot

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/03/2026 19:31

Hippychickbbbb · 08/03/2026 19:05

Thats a horrible thing to say

Was that to me? If it was, then it is not actually. I am genuinely concerned that you appear to have been at this level of stress for so long that it can’t be doing you any good. There is no need to have a go at people when they are trying to help you.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/03/2026 19:33

SerendipityCat · 08/03/2026 15:31

I recognise this poster, and looking back over her posting history it’s plain there are many issues which won’t - can’t - be addressed on Mumsnet, and also plain that the op doesn’t accept or engage with any advice. I don’t want to be unkind to someone who evidently has genuine issues, but it’s worth bearing in mind before you invest too much time and energy in a lengthy reply.

Yes this has clearly been an issue for a long time and the poster doesn’t want advice. I do wonder whether that might be why the people in real life struggle.

its hard OP , but you have had good advice over the years. If you are unable to avail yourself of it, you can’t heal.

Hoardasurass · 08/03/2026 19:59

Hippychickbbbb · 08/03/2026 19:05

Thats a horrible thing to say

What is?
If your going to respond to a poster you need to quote them or @ them otherwise nobody knows who you are talking to or what you are talking about.

You may not like what people are saying to you but the fact is multiple people are saying the same think Ergo you and the way you talk about your issues are the problem. The harsh but honest truth is nobody cares about your trauma and nobody wants to hear about it. If you want to keep the few friends you have left stop trauma dumping on everyone before you drive them away too

MyNextDoorNeighbourVotesReform · 08/03/2026 20:18

Hippychickbbbb · 08/03/2026 14:32

It isn't a over reaction your being insensitive trauma dumping is a horrible term used to people and be insensitive

You say that these people are being insensitive

And yet THEY say that YOU are insensitive because you dump your crap on them

Stop dumping your shit on others. Then all will be well

Hippychickbbbb · 08/03/2026 21:47

No body wants to hear about your trauma what a nasty thing g to say I'm Aware of my short comings I care that I spoke alot about it wanted support and understanding on how to improve not nasty comments

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/03/2026 22:09

Genuine question- why are you being so nasty to everyone when we are just trying to help you

BauhausOfEliott · 08/03/2026 22:32

Hippychickbbbb · 08/03/2026 21:47

No body wants to hear about your trauma what a nasty thing g to say I'm Aware of my short comings I care that I spoke alot about it wanted support and understanding on how to improve not nasty comments

People are try to tell you how to improve but you’ve just argued and got upset at all the advice you’ve been given.

Hoardasurass · 08/03/2026 23:08

Hippychickbbbb · 08/03/2026 21:47

No body wants to hear about your trauma what a nasty thing g to say I'm Aware of my short comings I care that I spoke alot about it wanted support and understanding on how to improve not nasty comments

You've been posting about your "trauma" for years had plenty of good advice and ignored it all. In every thread you bring up the same things and quite frankly if you're like this in real life you must drive those around you nuts, you need serious psychiatric help.
I'm not saying this to be cruel but you need to stop trauma dumping on everyone around you because they have heard it all before and don't need to hear it again

Randomuser2026 · 09/03/2026 06:38

Hippychickbbbb · 08/03/2026 21:47

No body wants to hear about your trauma what a nasty thing g to say I'm Aware of my short comings I care that I spoke alot about it wanted support and understanding on how to improve not nasty comments

OP, you have got into a loop where you are not committed to getting better. You talk to (at?) people about your Trauma and then you scan their response to that, to find fault so that their response becomes the issue at hand, and the Trauma is left untouched.

When you talk about your Trauma, you sound like a hoarder talking about their hoard, and I am questioning to what extent Trauma is your identity, and do you know who you are outside of that identity.

CrazyGoatLady · 09/03/2026 06:55

Hippychickbbbb · 08/03/2026 21:47

No body wants to hear about your trauma what a nasty thing g to say I'm Aware of my short comings I care that I spoke alot about it wanted support and understanding on how to improve not nasty comments

It's not that nobody wants to hear it, most people who aren't trained listeners, counsellors, therapists etc are not equipped to support you with it. It can become too much for people and they may become overwhelmed by someone repeatedly talking about all the traumatic or upsetting things that have happened to them and/or their feelings about that. It can difficult for others to handle emotionally, particularly on repeat.

People can also become frustrated when someone is constantly bringing problems and will do nothing to change their situation, won't seek professional help, or sabotage every attempt at engaging with help. My grandma is like this, she wants help and says she doesn't have enough help, but won't say exactly what she needs, then nothing anybody offers is good enough for her and she gets angry and sends them away. It's exhausting constantly going through the cycle of being told x, y or z is a problem and is upsetting her, going through what could be done to help, then having her reject everything and then complain about getting no help/nobody wanting to help her. I'm not saying you do this exact thing OP, I'm using it as an example of the kind of pattern that can burn out the emotional capacity of loved ones very fast.

In general, most people like to be kind and helpful, and alleviate suffering where they can, because we like to feel like we are being effective and productive as humans. But when suffering is someone's entire life, and you feel there is nothing you could do that could possibly help them or be of use, except be talked at like a pot plant in the corner, people will begin to withdraw, unfortunately.

WhatNoRaisins · 09/03/2026 08:16

I mean trauma dumping is a real thing, it exists. We can't pretend that it doesn't exist to make people feel more comfortable. I suspect it's something that most of us here have done at some point.

It becomes a problem when you do it too much or to inappropriate people but it doesn't make you a bad person in of itself.

Boomer55 · 09/03/2026 08:27

Hippychickbbbb · 08/03/2026 21:47

No body wants to hear about your trauma what a nasty thing g to say I'm Aware of my short comings I care that I spoke alot about it wanted support and understanding on how to improve not nasty comments

There is a limit to how much trauma dumping anyone can take. 🤷‍♀️

A close friend giving support for a short while is normal, but continual offloading just gets boring/draining.

Everyone has stress in their life at times.

So, get a therapist - they are trained and paid to listen.

ImSoMuchOlderThanICanTake · 09/03/2026 17:03

Hippychickbbbb · 08/03/2026 21:47

No body wants to hear about your trauma what a nasty thing g to say I'm Aware of my short comings I care that I spoke alot about it wanted support and understanding on how to improve not nasty comments

I know you said you were told to talk about your feelings op, but actually there has been a shift in this approach. Reliving it endlessly just causes you to be stuck feeling traumatised. I never really spoke about mine, people actually really don’t want to hear about it, and I don’t want to hear about other peoples tbh.

constant rehashing of trauma can indeed keep you stuck, acting as a form of ‘trauma dumping’ or ‘rumination’ that reinforces, rather than resolves, the distress. Whilst processing trauma is essential for healing, repeatedly focusing on the details without therapeutic support can cause the brain to relive the event, triggering the same fight-or-fight responses’.

I have had several major traumatic events. My life improved dramatically when I stopped constantly reliving it all. I hope things improve for you soon.

Hippychickbbbb · 10/03/2026 13:18

Thanks for your kind words

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/03/2026 13:21

Hippychickbbbb · 10/03/2026 13:18

Thanks for your kind words

Who was that to? It’s easier if you can either quote the post (click on the “” at the bottom of the post) or tag them with @.

Hippychickbbbb · 10/03/2026 13:47

I'm not meaning to trauma dump as others have said I already feel bad that's why I posted for support! I do care about others feelings otherwise I wouldn't feel bad I really didn't realise I was talking so much I'm trying to talk less about my feelings, just telling me I'm trauma dumping without offering

advice on how to stop talking about it isn't helpful. I really don't like the term as I've said, the other person, I was talking to made no effort to end the conversation and just let me talk about about it without me realising ,how much I was talking about stuff if I'd realied I would have stopped talking I found it hard to stop talking as I was very distressed I naturally have alot to say as a person but I have helplines telling me its good to talk about my feelings, I explained I talked too much they don't listen I phone the samaritans to ofload on to them instead I made the mistake of coming off my antidepressants wish gave me extreme feelings that were hard to control I already feel bad

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/03/2026 14:59

Hippychickbbbb · 10/03/2026 13:47

I'm not meaning to trauma dump as others have said I already feel bad that's why I posted for support! I do care about others feelings otherwise I wouldn't feel bad I really didn't realise I was talking so much I'm trying to talk less about my feelings, just telling me I'm trauma dumping without offering

advice on how to stop talking about it isn't helpful. I really don't like the term as I've said, the other person, I was talking to made no effort to end the conversation and just let me talk about about it without me realising ,how much I was talking about stuff if I'd realied I would have stopped talking I found it hard to stop talking as I was very distressed I naturally have alot to say as a person but I have helplines telling me its good to talk about my feelings, I explained I talked too much they don't listen I phone the samaritans to ofload on to them instead I made the mistake of coming off my antidepressants wish gave me extreme feelings that were hard to control I already feel bad

Nobody is going to tell you to stop talking in real life. You don’t like the term trauma dumping but it is a recognised term.

You have been posting for several years about your issues and people are kindly suggesting that you seek professional help from people who may be able to help you in real life.

Helplines tell you to talk and that’s good but it’s about finding the right people to talk to.

But when people have suggested this you have just got offended.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/03/2026 15:00

The Samaritans are a great suggestion. They are trained in situations like yours and may be able to signpost genuine real life support

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/03/2026 15:18

When you want to talk with friends, it helps you both if you begin with clear expectations. If you say “I’m going through some heavy stuff, are you able to listen for a bit? I’d like your view on whether the way I acted was unreasonable / whether what I’m planning to do is a good idea” then you’ve given your friend an indicator of what you’d like from them as well as prior warning of what’s going to be shared and the option to say no.

If you meet up with a friend and they conversationally ask “how has your week been?” and you respond with a stream of consciousness of the same feelings and problems you’ve been sharing for years, with no progress made on addressing them, and no meaningful indication that any advice they’ve previously given you has been taken on board, that’s where people become fatigued and feel as though they’re being dumped on.

If it’s just open-ended listening you want then as others have said, the Samaritans can be a great help. Most people are natural problem-solvers: they haven’t been trained to simply listen and not offer advice or feel frustrated when you don’t take it, whereas the Samaritans have been. Have you considered peer support groups as well? You can often self-refer, or ask your GP to signpost if not.

Hippychickbbbb · 10/03/2026 16:10

Ii don't care its a recognised term I don't like it it

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 10/03/2026 16:17

Hippychickbbbb · 10/03/2026 16:10

Ii don't care its a recognised term I don't like it it

It doesn't matter whether you like it. Other people are allowed to use it.

Boomer55 · 10/03/2026 16:33

Hippychickbbbb · 10/03/2026 13:47

I'm not meaning to trauma dump as others have said I already feel bad that's why I posted for support! I do care about others feelings otherwise I wouldn't feel bad I really didn't realise I was talking so much I'm trying to talk less about my feelings, just telling me I'm trauma dumping without offering

advice on how to stop talking about it isn't helpful. I really don't like the term as I've said, the other person, I was talking to made no effort to end the conversation and just let me talk about about it without me realising ,how much I was talking about stuff if I'd realied I would have stopped talking I found it hard to stop talking as I was very distressed I naturally have alot to say as a person but I have helplines telling me its good to talk about my feelings, I explained I talked too much they don't listen I phone the samaritans to ofload on to them instead I made the mistake of coming off my antidepressants wish gave me extreme feelings that were hard to control I already feel bad

I would sort out your medication, and use professionals to talk to. They are trained and paid to listen.

Whether you like the term ‘trauma dumping’ or not is irrelevant, people still get drained/bored. 🤷‍♀️

Hippychickbbbb · 10/03/2026 16:41

I'm aware of how people get drained bored I already explained I didnt mean to talk 2 much I already have a councilor I speak to the samartans

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/03/2026 16:42

Hippychickbbbb · 10/03/2026 16:10

Ii don't care its a recognised term I don't like it it

Was that to me? It is irrelevant whether you like it or not tbh. It is the recognised term for what is happening.

It’s up to you, OP. You can either accept the situation you have been posting about for 6 years or you can be proactive about trying to turn it round. All you have done is have a go at people for giving you advice.

You have at least one child stuck in the middle of this.

NotMeAtAll · 10/03/2026 16:44

Hippychickbbbb · 08/03/2026 13:21

I think the term trauma dumping is cruel I do have 2 way conversations

No it's not. It's extremely difficult to be on the end of trauma dumping.

Edit: BTW I don't think you're necessarily trauma dumping, just that it's horrible.

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