When I'm distressed I talk about my feelings alot

[Hippychickbbbb]

I've been told I'm a pain in the ass when I'm upset I talk about my feelings alot

Are you using people as unpaid therapists? It takes a lot to support someone with their mental health and if you’re really struggling and talking to the same people you may need to find a therapist instead

If your posts are typical of the way you communicate then I can see why it might be a problem.

Do you ask others about their feelings too or is it just about you?
Are your problems the main topic of conversation?
If I was your friend/acquaintence and hadn’t seen you for a while and asked you how you were - what would you say?
Are you talking to strangers about personal stuff/
If people give you advice do you appreciate it and act on it or do you keep telling them about the same problems without actually doing anything about it?

You have clearly experienced trauma and of course it is better to talk, however it matters who you talk to and how deeply you go into it, as most people won’t be able to offer more than empathy.

As PPs have suggested, therapy is the best idea as they are people who know what to do and how to help

Its an accurate term though.
Friends, family and work colleagues really aren't there for people to offload all their trauma on and it can be traumatic to have to listen to it especially if its on repeat.
If you can't go a single day without discussing your trauma with someone else then you need to seek professional mental health support not offload on those around you

Calling it cruel is a bit of an overreaction imo, it’s an accurate term. Unfortunately you haven’t really answered any pertinent questions about the issue at hand so I don’t think there’s much help to be had.

Context would help. You could be a massive bore, chuntering on about yourself with no consideration for others. Or not. You need to explain if you’d like advice.

BTW, there is no such word as alot.

It isn't a over reaction your being insensitive trauma dumping is a horrible term used to people and be insensitive

Have you tried journaling to get your feelings out?
Don't be offended by the term trauma dumping, it's valid. Even Yungblud had to ask his fans to stop doing it because it was affecting his own mental health.
You don't know what other people are going through.

If you say so. I’m actually trying to help you but, by all means, get hung up on a commonly used term which I’m using with no malicious intent and ignore anything else. It’s starting to make sense that you have issues with communication, frankly, if all you’ll do is focus on that which offends you, or casts you as a victim.

With kindness OP, friends and family are not trained therapists.

Trauma dumping (as they termed it) can be very uncomfortable and difficult to deal with for the listener. They haven't been trained in how to help you or how to protect themselves from the distressing information affecting them.

I would suggest you look at what you are talking about. If it's the same problems every time, then talking to them isn't beneficial. If it was, you'd improve. The temporary respite you feel after the exchange is simply that. Temporary. Then you need to do it again when it wears off ❤

But it’s a very factual term, the person being dumped on really feels that, a whole ton of issues dumped on them with no care for their wellbeing

I recognise this poster, and looking back over her posting history it’s plain there are many issues which won’t - can’t - be addressed on Mumsnet, and also plain that the op doesn’t accept or engage with any advice. I don’t want to be unkind to someone who evidently has genuine issues, but it’s worth bearing in mind before you invest too much time and energy in a lengthy reply.

But you're giving no consideration to the people the term is used by.

And that's very often the problem with trauma dumpers.

They sometimes don't consider all the things the other person might have going on in their life, or the effect the dumping has on their mental health.

By all means talk about your feelings as that can be very good for you but you MUST pick the right person at the right time.

I understand it sounds cruel to you but that is an accurate descriptor for the people who find themselves on the receiving end of it.

You have spoken to a helpline who advised you it was good to talk. And it is.

And other people have listened but they cannot take the weight of your trauma and they have no support for how it impacts in them. Professional counsellors and therapists have supervision, in which they are able to process the things they have been told. Your friends, or whoever you are talking to, don't have that.

They are entitled and, more importantly, need to put boundaries in place around this to protect themselves and their own mental well being.

You are not in a place to realise this currently, which is why it feels cruel to you but they are right to stop you.

I’m starting to see why people are struggling to listen to you.

@SerendipityCat is this the s poster that was complaining about the carers turning up late the other week?

You sound quite whiny just judging by your posts here.

I can only imagine how annoying it is if you go off on one about your feelings.

But then - I really hate talking about my own or anytime else's feelings beyond perfunctory transactional stuff so 🤷‍♀️

I don’t think so, the posting style is very different.

Having friends you can talk to is good, but it can be wearing on them too.

There are a few things you can try. Have you go a therapist you can talk to each week? Also, writing the feelings down and journaling is another way to get them out.

i haven’t tried it myself, but I’ve heard that chat GPT can also be great for this. Get your feeling heard there.

It doesn’t mean that you can’t sometimes talk to friends. But be aware that sometimes they’re also carrying a heavy load, even if they don’t share that with you.

This story isn’t about serious trauma, but my friends and I are getting older. We all have various ailments. We have a rule when we catch up. You get to complain about ONE thing each. It’s not that we don’t care about each other, but conversations can pretty much go on and on about various things that are troubling us if we don’t make an effort to talk about other things. We pick our most annoying ailment and lead with that, no jumping in with our stories about how we once had that too. Otherwise, with oldies, conversations can be just too much medical doom and gloom. Conversations need light and shade.

Find some other ways to get your heaviest trouble out so that you’re not inadvertently overdoing it with your friends.

I think you need to focus on the content and intention behind the phrase.

The people who are saying it are telling you that you have exhausted their capacity to cope with your problems. I am guessing they are feeling exasperated that you are ignoring them.

OP, with absolute kindness you have been asked multiple times what it is we are actually talking about here and you have chosen to tone police posters rather than getting into anything constructive. This is now a recurring pattern of wasting people’s good will, and correcting them as a deflection from your own behaviour.

People are using a perfectly legitimate term to describe what you yourself have described. There is no judgment attached to it. I would kindly suggest you look it up as you sound very raw right now, and you need someone to help you who knows what you are doing.

And I don’t normally do an advanced search but this chaos has been going on for at least SIX years - and you have at least one child.

Please do yourself and your child(ren) a favour and GET HELP. Policing the tone of other users is just a deflection.

I hope you get the help you need and get support to turn your life around.

Thats a horrible thing to say

We all have those times that it really helps to talk about our feelings . Especially when upset.
Dont be so hard on yourself .

OP I think you are not very well at the moment. When you aren’t well things seem worse and simple comments can take on more meaning than they should.

If you are open to mental health services I would try to engage with them. If you have sole care of a child(ren) maybe you can see if someone can help out for a while. I think you need some support more than MN can give. I wish you well.