What is considered rich these days??

[Soccermomsavestheday]

So my husband and I live a pretty decent life but not one that warrants being called ‘financially out of touch’ and ‘how the other half live’ in my opinion which is just a couple of example of my sil many comments towards us.

My husband earns around £250k a year, I don’t have to work so don’t. We live in a nice 4 bedroom detached house with a lovely sized wrap around garden. We’re lucky enough to send our children to private school. We don’t go on extravagant holidays or wear high end designer clothes etc. We both drive Range Rovers but one is second hand (5 years old). And bottom line we have worked really hard to be where we are but don’t consider ourselves ‘Rich’ more so comfortable that we can live a modest life without financial restraints

it really bugs me when she says stuff like ‘you wouldn’t know what it’s like to budget’ and ‘it’s alright for some’ etc. I do budget monthly and am very much aware of how much things costs etc

Am I being unreasonable in this situation?

And I find the opposite. Sorry you've had such a lousy experience. Mine was wonderful, fulfilling and just about perfect. I worked for several years and it sucked. Everything about it sucked and my marriage and children suffered.

But then, we have never been ones to feel the need to "keep up with the Jones" or even have big holidays. We did feel the need to be there for our parents, children and each other. But, that's us.

I was very, very lucky with who I married and he says the same, daily.

It's all relative isn't it. Compared to where I've come from, I'm rich. Compared to some of my professional peers, I'm a pauper! I'd say if money isn't a worry, you're rich.

I'm going to question the 'working class' thing though because this irks me in general (not particularly related to yourself but still...) Does working class mean 'both my parents had a job' ?? I consider myself working class because I was brought up on a council estate in the north of England by a single mother, with help from my grandmother. My alcoholic dad was absent. That's very different to having two working parents in well paid professional roles. Just pondering this one....

If she supported him while he went to law school and he went to law school and the training that comes after, then they have BOTH worked hard for what they have.

Your jealousy is amusing but you do know you could have gotten a better education which would probably lead to a better paying job, right? Just like they did? They weren't handed it on a silver platter and it's silly to denigrate them because you didn't go the same route and now have your nose out of joint.

It's all relative. There's always someone richer than you and always something that's just beyond your reach financially. The more money you have, the more options there are to spend it. This makes it easy for the wealthy to lose touch with how most people live. OP, I suggest taking a walk through an area of high deprivation every now and again. That will answer your question.

You are far poorer than someone married to a say a NHS consultant on £150,000 per annum with a decent NHS pension.

On say 300,000 ( adding in bonus ) your DH can only pay a limited amount into their pensions and this diminishes with every earnings increase until he can only pay in a maximum of £10,000 per annum.

He will then have to do all of his retirement savings on upfronted taxed ISAs. This is 20,000 each. This means that he loses the accumulated compounded growth you get into a pension. So for him it will be a hard slog to save up for retirement. In essence he has to save 40 % more as has retirement is saved for out of taxed and not untaxed earnings ( or salary sacrifice)

He is taxed to the hilt as he has no personal allowance. Also you and not taking advantage of your personal allowance. This means that a working couple on collective income of 200,000 or 100,000 each are far better off ( with salary sacrifice or retain both persona allowances). In fact a couple on say £80,000 each are better off.

Also life as an EP is not secure and is dependant on having excellent client following and being positioned in a firm where their objectives/ growth desires and his practice aligns and that can change overnight. A firm can decide to ditch say its construction department or IP overnight as it does not fit their future growth plans.

With the current economic situation you would ne better off if both of you worked in some decent public sector role with decent pensions and no worries about the next big deal .

Added to all that the Gov is threatening a review of national insurance on law partnerships which means that he could end up paying double national insurance as an employer and employee. Thus could meant a loss of net earnings of about £20,000.

So unless you already have over one million pounds in savings ( that will give a 50,000 per annum pension but not index linked or 40,000 pr less index linked ) or are still very young you are not comfortable yet alone wealthy.

The gritty reality is that everyone in the country is vastly poorer than they would have been 20 years ago. All people are taxed far far more and although the comfortable middle classes are still described as that, their life style has reduced down .

The poor are the same
The lower working classes are better off
The working classes are worse off
The middle classes are worse off
The upper middle classes are worse off
The rich are far richer
The Uber rich are now in a different stratosphere

We have the ancien regime back and it’s led by nation less or international billionaires who don’t really pay taxes as we recognise them .

It's all relative.

Completely agree. My 65 year old Dad works harder than almost anyone I know, still working 5 nights a week in a factory. Never had a lot of money though.

To answer your original question - no, I wouldn’t consider you ‘rich’ but I would consider you very comfortable and living a fairly affluent lifestyle.

Financially out of touch - yes, a bit. Mainly because you think you live a modest lifestyle, it doesn’t seem that modest relative to your household income - it seems entirely in line with your means, and most household means are not that high. Given that, yes, I would imagine you do some light budgeting.

Your sister’s comments sound very irritating. They would piss me off, on the assumption that you haven’t been making what she considers to be irritating comments to her and she is gently trying to make you aware of that. No talk of budgeting or moaning about money in any way…

I wouldn't say you were rich. I would say you are very comfortable.

Yeah I’m not sure how OP has worked really hard to become a SAHM vs any other SAHM.

On that salary your family will be considered rich by most people as your DH earns more than 99% of the UK working population. However, lots of high earning jobs are mentally pressured with little work life balance which I would wager most people wouldn't be able to maintain so I understand your frustration.

The issue with your SIL is separate. Your SIL is being grabby and you shouldn't feel that you have to support her - she isn't entitled to your money. My DP and also have a good six figure household income, earning significantly more than anyone else in our families, and have faced the same issue. We've had to set clear boundaries when asked for 'loans' or to pay for very expensive gifts etc which feels awkward but over time has reduced the requests/demands. Good luck with the SIL.

Reading your replies you don’t sound particularly nice. I find people who brag about wealth completely classless and yes, your post is 100% bragging about your wealth.

People have a tendency to say/think 'Nobody needs more than £x to live on', where 'x' is twice their income. Somebody on £30k would consider £60k a dream wage that would cover all eventualities. Somebody on £60k would say the same for those on £120k.

In reality, you're probably rich if you own a £1+ million home outright and have sufficient investments to provide an income of at least £10k per month NET. Even then, the income might be a bit on the low side.

Having to work to pay a mortgage and school fees does not make you 'rich'.

Sorry but you ARE both lucky.

Lucky that you met DH young so you could support him financially to do his studies and unlock his career.

Lucky you had a secure job that paid enough to support you both at that time.

Lucky to have DC that can attend school and so presumably don't have any health or behavioral issues that would impact your DHs career.

Yes you are also wealthy. A detached house, two expensive cars, kids in private school on one wage is the lifestyle of the wealthy today.

Come on!
You don’t work. Choose to send two children to private school. Of course you are well off.

this “worked really hard” thing is really vexing. As if those who do 12 hour shifts on minimum wage don’t work hard?

You are immensely privileged.

Is it bitchy of SIL to make comments? Yes. But she isn’t factually wrong.

I think you're more than comfortable. I also grew up working class and tbh poor. We now earn just under half of your husband's income and both work, I am the higher earner. Private school is now out of reach for us with the VAT added etc which is a shame as DS has some additional needs that I think would be better addressed in a smaller setting. We live in a 3 bed semi , no range rovers, a 4 year old Renault. We don't worry about bills or food shopping, if the boiler breaks we fix it without that being stressful, we holiday a couple of times a year nothing too fancy but nice and often abroad. I think that's comfortable.
If your SIL makes comments the best response is , yes we're very fortunate, DH works very hard.

You have every right to be annoyed at that self-centered witch. Instead of putting herself out there, working, studying for a better job; she belittles you and your DH and then sticks her hand out. People who keep being given handouts and have no appreciation for such, deserve to lose them. Put it aside to take a nice trip with your DH and children. Your SIL does not deserve to benefit off the work you and your DH did to get where you are in life.

Also, I consider you "doing well", but far from rich. Going by one poster' "8 times the national average" whine, the same could be said for those who earn 12K a year calling those who make 30K a year, "rich". Millionaires and billionaires are rich, money-wise. The rest of us just hope to feel "rich" in life.

JMHO from the other side of the pond.

Having to work to pay a mortgage and school fees does not make you 'rich'.

The OP doesn't work or pay the mortgage though. She is a housewife//lady of leisure who stays at home and starts Mumsnet threads to no so subtly bash her SIL for being on benefits.

I wouldn't call you rich, but comfortable. Perhaps a little too comfortable. All my hackles rise when I hear about SAHMs who don't work because they "don't have to". This is purely because, unless they have an independent private income of their own, financial control is entirely in the hands of the husband. Every woman should have the means of living independently if she had to. How many times have we seen threads on here from women who are trapped because of finances?. Never believe it couldn't happen to you, in my 72 years I have seen marriages I believed rock-solid dumped like yesterday's newspaper. At least take some of the money you currently control and quietly invest it, so if you stay together you both have a good income in retirement and if you don't you're not helpless.

Presumably your husband is paying the additional tax rate of 45%? So he pays approx £100k in tax per annum? The bonus is also presumably taxed at 45%. That must be one hell of a bonus if it covers annual school fees.

I consider my own situation to be based on luck. We were fortunate enough to have a happy, trauma-free childhood, go to school then university, have supportive parents, a home to return to, good health, no poor lifestyle choices, all the stepping stones to a solid start in life. These things are the luck of the draw. I work in a junior school and see on a daily basis the vast difference between the haves and the have nots.

I think it's to counter the position you see on here a lot which is those who are well off are simply lucky or had a leg up. DH and I both came from poor backgrounds, parents in manual jobs with no education to speak of and we both worked two jobs for years, we both still do overtime/on call by choice and our income is around 120k. I know that's much better than lots of people but it hasn't been easy to come by

But it doesn't sound like your SIL is saying directly to you , you are 'rich'. Just that you don't understand ? Has she ever said to you outright? I'm just wondering if the title of this thread is indicative of you misunderstanding her or she really has this seething resentment as you describe.
Regardless isn't this DHs situation to understand and talk to her about? What does he think?

Dh earns £250k so a quarter of a million and around £160 take home I think someone said

and you can’t afford out of that £40k school fees without a £40k yearly bonus

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Running it through the calculator I estimate he gets the equivalent of minimum wage monthly even before the yearly bonus and if your sil is on benefits she's likely to be on less than minimum wage so you are compared to her although you may not be compared to others

Alternatively maybe the SIL just needs to find a richer husband like the OP did.