What is considered rich these days??

[Soccermomsavestheday]

So my husband and I live a pretty decent life but not one that warrants being called ‘financially out of touch’ and ‘how the other half live’ in my opinion which is just a couple of example of my sil many comments towards us.

My husband earns around £250k a year, I don’t have to work so don’t. We live in a nice 4 bedroom detached house with a lovely sized wrap around garden. We’re lucky enough to send our children to private school. We don’t go on extravagant holidays or wear high end designer clothes etc. We both drive Range Rovers but one is second hand (5 years old). And bottom line we have worked really hard to be where we are but don’t consider ourselves ‘Rich’ more so comfortable that we can live a modest life without financial restraints

it really bugs me when she says stuff like ‘you wouldn’t know what it’s like to budget’ and ‘it’s alright for some’ etc. I do budget monthly and am very much aware of how much things costs etc

Am I being unreasonable in this situation?

“But our SECOND Range Rover wasn’t even new, it was FIVE years old” 🤣🤣

@Soccermomsavestheday you do realise most people’s one and only car is more than 5 years old when they buy it? If this is the kind of stuff you’re saying to your SIL to ‘prove’ you’re not out of touch, I can totally see why she says you are.

So you decided you needed to “simplify” for the sake of this thread-smacks of you thinking people here couldn’t possibly understand an equity partner role 🤣. Weird thing to change when plenty of industries have this set up. It’s all a bit humble brag/Hyacinth Bucket!

So you think my DH who was born who lived in a tiny flat in a ex-mining village to an alcoholic mother and a violent father, was rejected from university the first time he applied and now earns more than the OP's DH was lucky?
Oh and he's dyslexic too.

Or do you think that he just worked really, really hard (60 hour weeks in his 20s). Consistently made really savvy choices financially, built lasting relationships with co-workers who he went out of his way to help.

There were definitely more opportunities for young people 30 years ago. But being offered one wasn't a lottery.

Whether you call it ‘rich’ or ‘well off’ is somewhat irrelevant since those terms are subjective. The test that I apply is what would you do if your washing machine suddenly broke down? If (like me) you could have a new, better one in place within 48hrs without any stress or financial hardship (which I suspect you could), you should be mindful that you are in a position that a substantial number could only dream of.

Despite my earlier comment (yes I do think you’re out of touch & have no idea what it’s like to worry about money) that does not mean you have to justify your life to anyone. Constant comments from you SIL must get extremely annoying. Like, what are you supposed to say? I don’t think you should feel guilty about your life, lucky, yes, but not guilty. Instead of replying with things like “but my second range rover’s 5 years old”, which just prove her point, I’d say something like, “Yes I’m loaded, that’s not going to change, however I’m also a nice person, a good, kind SIL and we get along well, so how about we focus on that instead”.

I consider myself to live a modest life. I rent a 3 bedroom flat and never go hungry, and can just about afford to keep myself entertained with very careful budgeting and buying things on deep discounts / waiting for sales. I do have a fair amount (5 digits) of energy bills debt that I'm slowly chipping away at.

But, hypothetically, if you gave me just 10% of your income, you would more than double what I live on yearly. So yes, I do think you are a bit out of touch.

I agree with @MotherofPufflings it’s such a cliche when people say this. Makes me cringe. Like they’re saying they’re more deserving of money & success than anyone else, even though they have no clue about anyone else’s background. Good for your husband, but I know loads of people who had similar childhoods and worked their arses off and couldn’t afford to go to university. Some even that did go to university and worked their arses off, got a first, and still don’t earn a lot. A lot of career success is down to pure luck.

Your SIL may well be rude but you do also come across as smug.

Of course it's down to luck too - lucky that you're genetically capable of achieving academic success, lucky to have found a husband who is supportive and clever etc etc. It's all well and good spouting on about hard work, but Mary down the road works exceptionally hard as a carer but unfortunately she's not intellectually as able to achieve qualifications. She had a traumatic childhood and has also struggled with some health issues. She is also a carer to her parents and unfortunately her husband had a car accident and is no longer able to work at all. Her capacity to earn the same level of you is nothing to do with her not working as hard and yours is also based on a platform of luck that you are not in the same circumstances as Mary.

No we just think that many people in a position the same as your DH, who worked equally hard as your DH, and did all of the same things, won't have ended up anywhere near as well off as he did.

Hard work can lead to success and when it does that person will have earned it, but it doesn't change the fact that some luck was involved.

If 100 people all work equally hard in the exact same way they will end up on 100 different incomes in a large variety of lifestyles. It doesn't diminish the work put in by the one who ends up best off to acknowledge their luck.

It's rude of your sil to keep commenting unless you are shoving this in her face but hopefully not.

£250k income plus bonus? Without the bonus I'd say you were well off rather than rich.. but the bonus must be retry chunky to pay the school fees so it's more like £350k

We were in a household income of £250k living rurally 5 years ago and I'd say we felt pretty well off. 2 x day school fees, holidays etc.

But in the last 2 years work has been hard to find, household income has dropped to £180k, costs have gone up and to pay the school fees we had to ditch the holidays for a couple of years. But certainly at one of our schools we were the poorest people. One of my friends has an annual staff cost of circa £150k (nanny, cleaner and groom) and school fees paid from trust funds. So everything is relative.

I'd caution the Range Rovers though. Where we live no one has them and they would be considered very Nouveau.

You may not be rich but you are not comfortable. I wouldn’t even classify myself as comfortable and my financial situation is no where near your households.

You sound somewhere between well off and HENRY, the stage after being wealthy before reaching rich.

Well on £250k you don’t “live a modest life” that’s just ridiculous.

I’d personally call you rich and not begrudgingly

So many jealous posters here. Why not retrain and become barristers or go find a barrister and marry them if money means that much to you 🤣 Honestly, my dh & I both have tough badly paid jobs but id never be so nasty and spiteful about those on higher incomes. Enjoy it OP. And your sil is just jealous too so ignore her! None of her business.

The language you use is problematic for us that haven't 'worked hard enough ' to earn his wage. One, there's no 'we', you've picked well and managed to knock out children and hold on to your marriage, that's your 'hard' input. Two, you don't give up anything to send your children to private school, so stop saying it. You might have more money to invest/put into pensions, but that isn't really giving something up. If you are WC you know how some people live. You would know that not having the money to just spend, because it's put somewhere else isn't the same as not having the money at all. You haven't changed class by the definition of class. I can see why you and your SIL are grating on each other. Is this your DH's sister? He should be dealing with her. Take a break from each other for a while, be busy or not well when she gets in touch.

Of course it’s LUCK. It‘a lucky you didn’t succumb to some mental illness, a family tragically died, you didn’t get bit by a car, you weren’t scammed out of life savings. Literally any number of really shitty things could have happened.

Oh get in the bin, OP

Obviously you're rich. Just look at the stats on average income, how many people are on your income level and the fact that you don't need to work.

And of course you have had luck. The avoidance if bad luck is also luck. To be honest you do sound out of touch.

Think it’s the other way around from what i read … everyone seems to be high earners but of course struggling or not really high earners and those of us on £30k should work harder 🙄

I'd consider you rich if you weren't sending your DC to private schools. My sister and her husband's combined wealth is similar, but their DC are at state schools. They don't have to budget. Private schools are the killer.

Assuming a 10% pension contribution, £250k is £11k/m.

School fees are probably 50% of this.

Thats why you don’t feel rich - you are spending half your income on school fees.

Your actual money to spend on life beyond school fees is equivalent to 2x £50k earners.

@whowhatwheni mean if you “can’t spend freely” with an income of around 20k a month after tax it really is just due to your chosen expenses and expectations not your income.

To be fair for OP school fees come out of a large annual bonus not salary so the equivalent salary is much higher.

That probably helps!

There is another factor is OP’s ‘not feeling rich’ despite her obviously huge income, which is the high cost of housing.

If in London they might be living in a fairly unremarkable 3/4 bed semi / terrace (just with a seven figure price tag) which will make life feel rather more modest vs what one might expect on that income.