What is considered rich these days??

[Soccermomsavestheday]

So my husband and I live a pretty decent life but not one that warrants being called ‘financially out of touch’ and ‘how the other half live’ in my opinion which is just a couple of example of my sil many comments towards us.

My husband earns around £250k a year, I don’t have to work so don’t. We live in a nice 4 bedroom detached house with a lovely sized wrap around garden. We’re lucky enough to send our children to private school. We don’t go on extravagant holidays or wear high end designer clothes etc. We both drive Range Rovers but one is second hand (5 years old). And bottom line we have worked really hard to be where we are but don’t consider ourselves ‘Rich’ more so comfortable that we can live a modest life without financial restraints

it really bugs me when she says stuff like ‘you wouldn’t know what it’s like to budget’ and ‘it’s alright for some’ etc. I do budget monthly and am very much aware of how much things costs etc

Am I being unreasonable in this situation?

@Soccermomsavestheday not sure if you’re a joke post here. I think your sister in law is jealous that you married well and living off your husband. People would say I’m well off as I send mine to independent schools but I’m a single parent and almost all my monthly wage goes on this. I have no car, no nice holidays. You seem to do this easily. But I think you need to read the room more.

I don’t think you should have to justify your life, how you live or finance it. I don't think that being comparatively well-off is something you have to justify. You say you aren’t out of touch and I’m sure you don’t think you are.

i don’t feel well-off at the moment but if I compare it to my upbringing then I absolutely am.

I think maybe what you are missing here is the message from your SIL, That she is struggling on a much tighter budget.

it’s about being aware, subtle and caring. Do you need to alter the way you share what your family are doing?

It’s not a joke post.
I wanted a few opinions outside of my family and friends. I appreciate it’s a post that wouldn’t get me much love but thought a wade through all the hate for some useful opinions would be worth it.

my sil also doesn’t work (although she’s a single mum and has financial help from the government). She’s not jealous that I don’t work as she also doesn’t either. I’m always really helpful with childcare and I’m the next person after her that the school rings if anything happens with her children. I do try to have a positive relationship with her but her comments are becoming relentless but I’m going to try to let them slide after reading some of the comments here.

Thanks for you reply x

I'm so confused! A sol who is an equity partner is so different from a barrister, in particular (given that it's as relevant for this thread) the way they are paid. I really can't think of any reason you'd use the latter as shorthand for the former. So odd. And dead funny that OP is now questioning the credentials of the people pointing that out where she is the only person demonstrably to have said that someone's a barrister when they're not. Mind boggles.

I absolutely know and am aware that she struggles financially. I definitely don’t intend to make her feel bad about herself and I’m conscious not to mention monetary things with her (as I do most people in the real world to be honest).

It’s the constant comments about us and expecting us to sub her lifestyle. It’s not my place to financially support her or so I thought but maybe I need to be more supportive. I do help with the kids stuff. I bought school shoes and bags etc in the past.

I guess I didn’t think we came across as very wealthy in a way it justified all her comments I guess

I know you don’t work in the legal profession or you’d know what I’ve explained would be true. It’s getting tedious repeating myself so type away. I won’t be engaging with you further. Enjoy your ‘barrister’ life with the ‘QC’ 😂
You’ve made me laugh tonight
best wishes to you internet stranger 😜

PS surely you’re far too intelligent to be trolling away on mumsnet at 3am? As you are a ‘barrister’ not a mere solicitor because all solicitors always go around pretending to be barristers because it sounds better 😛

I think you're getting me mixed up with someone else?

I would consider you well off as you have a very comfortable lifestyle on just one person's salary. However, my definition of actually rich would be multi-millionaire where a person would never have to think about working again or could rock up in a car show room and buy a high performance sports car outright, private jets, multiple exotic holidays.

You are definitely in a position that most people are not. I wouldn’t class you as very wealthy, more that you live comfortably but also guessing that you have high outgoings and must therefore live to a budget and to your means.

I am unsure as to why some people are more concerned over whether your husbands job is legit or not. That wasn’t the topic of discussion. You have described (albeit rather untidily) a typical solicitor salary for position, coming from a previous solicitor who practised in the South West. Be aware that drawings reflect the past year of earnings made after all else has been settled and isn’t the same amount every year. Never count your chickens until they’re hatched. You might want to reconsider paying school fees out of the final drawings

I think the reason this post was set up was to give the OP an ego boost in a load of strangers agreeing unanimously that she IS ‘rich’ and has attained that status (through her husband, so not her achievement).

From what she’d said about all the many years of hard academic work in the OP I assumed they were both in the upper echelons of academia (though that isn’t necessarily well paid).

Slight exaggerations going on here which points to the preoccupation with ppl she doesn’t even know acknowledging her status.

I would say a household income (not including benefits)
£0-20k - poor
£20-40k - the squeezed middle
£40-60k - comfortable
£60-80k - wealthy
£80k - rich

My husband earns over fifty million quid after tax, but we don't really consider ourselves "rich".

Much of that goes on the mortgage, school fees and dog food.

Yes, we are well off, but not so wealthy that I can afford to buy fancy knickers without trying them on in the shop first.

It's all relative really. A lot of people on small incomes have no idea just how much we supposed "rich" really struggle.

Yes, you are "rich" compared to the vast majority of people in this country (and in the world).

Yes, YABU to think you deserve it because of all your "hard work" - many other people work just as hard but earn only a fraction of what your DH earns, and you apparently don’t work outside the home at all, so I don’t understand why you think you "deserve" this lifestyle. You studied hard for a few years - so what?

Yes, your SIL is right. The fact that you’re asking this question and justifying yourself shows that her comment that you’re out of touch is correct. But she is rude to make such comments and I would ask her to stop.

Soccormumsavestheday.. thank you for your lovely reply. .. I possibly have mis judged .

I did seven years of university education (3 year undergrad, 1 year MSc and a 3 year doctorate) and work as a clinical psychologist for 48K. It’s a tough graft so I would say that although your husband may have worked hard it’s so disengenous to say that this means your not rich. Of course you are!

OP, I completely understand what you’re saying. For context, DH and I earn around £200k each and even so we don’t feel particularly “rich” day to day. I’m very aware that puts us in a very fortunate position and we know many families are managing on far less, but it doesn’t necessarily translate into feeling like money is unlimited.

We still budget carefully, keep an eye on spending and try to live fairly modestly. We can’t just spend freely without thinking about it, especially with mortgages, school fees, savings etc. It’s easy for people to assume that once you reach a certain income everything feels effortless, but that hasn’t been our experience.

MN can sometimes be quite quick to judge on threads like this, but there are definitely others in a similar position to you. It’s possible to be comfortable and grateful for that, while still being mindful about money.

.

'worked really hard' but you don't even actually work.

I wouldn't confuse budgeting with not being rich.
Budgeting is just being sensible with the money you have whatever amount.
E.g.
Budgeting is choosing to put money into a pension and buying a Range Rover rather than a Bentley.
But that's a different kind of budgeting to someone who's choice is heat or eat.

Your family income is in about the top 1 or 2% of uk incomes. I would class you as very rich. I would regard the top 26% of uk. Incomes as rich and you're way above that

OP this a good video about luck and hard work. Success is always both.

I was a SAHM for a long time to support my husband's career (we moved country regularly for 13 years). We were/are a partnership - he was only able to do what he did because I was doing everything else. I returned to paid work when the kids were in secondary school and we stopped moving around. Now they are grown and flown I am really enjoying the challenge of working. However, my salary is nowhere near my husbands due to our decisions when the children were little! So, yes it is very much OUR money.

I have exactly that ( own my home on an acre) but not in UK and unable to work. Selling our second car ( nothing flash) to pay bills.Zero income

@Soccermomsavestheday yes so this makes it even more about envy- shes a single parent trying to make ends meet yet you 'seem' to have everything you've ever wanted, be it money or just lifestyle. Personally id just try and be mindful of this. You're in a very good position. Not everyone has this.

I think you’re not unreasonable to be offended by SIL’s comments and well within your rights to tell her to give it a rest, but you ARE ‘rich’. Yeah, not Elon Musk rich, but if you can afford to be a SAHM and send your kids to private school you obviously don’t truly have to worry about money so you may need to take a pause and think whether you are making insensitive/thoughtless comments yourself? It’s easy to do and sometimes it’s just wiser to say nothing if SiL comments or just to say ‘yes, we’re very lucky’ and change the subject.

My DH and I are seriously MN rich, too. I grew up with a deprived childhood (free school meals, uniform grants, social services involvement) so understand poverty - but, along with DH, I have also worked hard. However we’ve also been lucky - with respect to the property market when we were first buying flats, job prospects when we left school/uni compared to anyone in the last 20 years etc - as I know many others have worked hard too and have less to show for it. I am not sure many people work as hard as my DH, if I am honest, but I wouldn’t say so to anyone else. It’s not a pissing match is it?

You do sound out of touch to be honest.. ! You can easily google various statistics on average household income and demographics.